Anyone else's FAW downright nasty?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Anyone else's FAW downright nasty?
Had yet another of those 'why do you take this' moments this evening.
AW had been out to a new gym, had tried the equipment, swimming pool and Turkish bath. She went with her morbidly obese daughter. Then, she went to check our holiday rental flat, from which guests have just left.
I had a quiet afternoon, working on the holiday flat business. Also needed some relaxation, what with tiredness (multiple sclerosis), pain (failed back surgery syndrome) and depression (her).
She came back, probably had several drinks downstairs and came up whining.
"You haven't done the ironing? You haven't done anything for 2 days, all you've done is change a light bulb, you'd better get your finger out."
So sweet.
She then made (heated) dinner before starting again.
" Make my phone work." (No "please", short-tempered tone.) "It's not a smartphone it's a dumb phone."
Funny, it wasn't dumb when I bought it for her for Christmas.
More complaints about phone, plus throwing one of the cats about - hanging offence had I done that.
Then, she brought me dessert.
Now I'm downstairs, alone, by request. Mixed messages or what?
We all have bad days but there's choleric drunk....and there's worse.
'You are what you eat?' Wonder when she swallowed a bitch?
Roll on Al-Anon on Wednesday.
AW had been out to a new gym, had tried the equipment, swimming pool and Turkish bath. She went with her morbidly obese daughter. Then, she went to check our holiday rental flat, from which guests have just left.
I had a quiet afternoon, working on the holiday flat business. Also needed some relaxation, what with tiredness (multiple sclerosis), pain (failed back surgery syndrome) and depression (her).
She came back, probably had several drinks downstairs and came up whining.
"You haven't done the ironing? You haven't done anything for 2 days, all you've done is change a light bulb, you'd better get your finger out."
So sweet.
She then made (heated) dinner before starting again.
" Make my phone work." (No "please", short-tempered tone.) "It's not a smartphone it's a dumb phone."
Funny, it wasn't dumb when I bought it for her for Christmas.
More complaints about phone, plus throwing one of the cats about - hanging offence had I done that.
Then, she brought me dessert.
Now I'm downstairs, alone, by request. Mixed messages or what?
We all have bad days but there's choleric drunk....and there's worse.
'You are what you eat?' Wonder when she swallowed a bitch?
Roll on Al-Anon on Wednesday.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
You deserve someone who loves and appreciate you and you are not cinderhusband.
No one deserves to be treated that way but especially with MS and the associated symptoms like tiredness, drawing blanks in your mind, pain in the joints, tingling or whatever else you are experiencing. If nothing else, you need a partner who would pick up the slack for you especially when it flares up not someone who burdens you and nags you when you fail to deliver up to her expectations.
I am glad you are going to Al Anon and I hope you will keep coming back.
hugs from someone who understand even though I don't have an AW LOL
Take care of yourself
No one deserves to be treated that way but especially with MS and the associated symptoms like tiredness, drawing blanks in your mind, pain in the joints, tingling or whatever else you are experiencing. If nothing else, you need a partner who would pick up the slack for you especially when it flares up not someone who burdens you and nags you when you fail to deliver up to her expectations.
I am glad you are going to Al Anon and I hope you will keep coming back.
hugs from someone who understand even though I don't have an AW LOL
Take care of yourself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Thank you, people.
That kind of humour is one of my defence mechanisms - I'm a born cynic!
And thanks for the hugs, Carlotta. Having a rant is a good defence mechanism in itself. As far as my AW is inputting, I've had one (count it) one drunken hug and one 'I love you' (lip service at the airport) in two and a half years.
Bleat over
That kind of humour is one of my defence mechanisms - I'm a born cynic!
And thanks for the hugs, Carlotta. Having a rant is a good defence mechanism in itself. As far as my AW is inputting, I've had one (count it) one drunken hug and one 'I love you' (lip service at the airport) in two and a half years.
Bleat over
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Snood,
I have one of those too. We went to counseling together and she was shocked to hear our female counselor tell her that she needs to count her blessings. That her husband was not only smart and warm, he is a good looking man to boot. OK, now I knew our counselor was the best and had good judgment too. I set boundaries but the relationship is like being roommates.
I could probably find another mate for the next few decades, but after 41 years I figure as long as she respects my boundaries we set at the counselors office, I figure this is some of that for better or worse I signed up for. And she did earn my respect by her respect for me until the last five years or so. Boy does she resent my sobriety and quitting smoking together three years ago. I may have to kick her out if she reverts to her drama queen histrionics. She has made a serious error. For the first time in my life, a year ago, when she was at her worst, I stopped adoring her. She tried to emasculate me and found she was more afraid of me leaving. I am afraid I may. A holding pattern is OK if you can land soon. But just staying in a holding pattern eventually empties our tanks. There has to be a landing, refueling, and some maintenance done.
I have one of those too. We went to counseling together and she was shocked to hear our female counselor tell her that she needs to count her blessings. That her husband was not only smart and warm, he is a good looking man to boot. OK, now I knew our counselor was the best and had good judgment too. I set boundaries but the relationship is like being roommates.
I could probably find another mate for the next few decades, but after 41 years I figure as long as she respects my boundaries we set at the counselors office, I figure this is some of that for better or worse I signed up for. And she did earn my respect by her respect for me until the last five years or so. Boy does she resent my sobriety and quitting smoking together three years ago. I may have to kick her out if she reverts to her drama queen histrionics. She has made a serious error. For the first time in my life, a year ago, when she was at her worst, I stopped adoring her. She tried to emasculate me and found she was more afraid of me leaving. I am afraid I may. A holding pattern is OK if you can land soon. But just staying in a holding pattern eventually empties our tanks. There has to be a landing, refueling, and some maintenance done.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by jaynie04 
That poor cat…..maybe it should go to al-acat.
Snood, her stuff may be her fault(s), but it becomes yours if you take it.
Happy Ownership.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
hammer - I love your posts. Don't always understand them easily - I live in England but on analysis there is so much wisdom in them. touch love presented in a wonderful way?
My opinion but thank you.
I am in a relationship where I love my cats more than I wish to break free but I do appreciate and get a lot from your posts
We only become a victim if we allow ourselves to be. No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them? I aam getting there but slowly.....
My opinion but thank you.
I am in a relationship where I love my cats more than I wish to break free but I do appreciate and get a lot from your posts
We only become a victim if we allow ourselves to be. No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them? I aam getting there but slowly.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Thanks again, people.
I regret that the 'bitch' comment isn't mine....it was from Billy Connolly, in reference to some TV makeover programme's presenter. 'Twas appropriate thought, and my referencing will indicate my honesty: the defence rests!
I have the distinct feeling that wifey isn't aware of just how nasty she can be. Equally, I thought I was marrying Miss Right - didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
According to her, we're, "ships that pass in the night". This is because I tend to end up away from the bedroom, rather than be interrogated/criticised/abused, etc.
I shouted at her once - for 2 minutes, two and a half years ago. Since then, no intimacy of any kind at all. She locks herself in the bathroom when getting changed or showering. And she just advised her daughter, "no sex for a year" if the boyfriend doesn't pay back borrowed money he's owes!
What I mind is that it's new gym/swimming pool again for her tomorrow. My wife is a looker and will be in her skimpies in front of strangers. Dual standards or what? And in answer to "Do I need to punch someone for flirting with you?"she said "It hasn't happened yet."
In all, it's a good thing that I have tons of patience and a sense of humour. But something amazes me. When I speak to my (lady) counsellor, to the ladies at Al-Anon and to other people of either gender generally, I marvel at one thing...they're pleasant to me.
Marriage made in Heaven? Answers on a postcard...
By the way, the cat's fine...she's a springy Siamese and fairly hurl-proof!
I regret that the 'bitch' comment isn't mine....it was from Billy Connolly, in reference to some TV makeover programme's presenter. 'Twas appropriate thought, and my referencing will indicate my honesty: the defence rests!
I have the distinct feeling that wifey isn't aware of just how nasty she can be. Equally, I thought I was marrying Miss Right - didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
According to her, we're, "ships that pass in the night". This is because I tend to end up away from the bedroom, rather than be interrogated/criticised/abused, etc.
I shouted at her once - for 2 minutes, two and a half years ago. Since then, no intimacy of any kind at all. She locks herself in the bathroom when getting changed or showering. And she just advised her daughter, "no sex for a year" if the boyfriend doesn't pay back borrowed money he's owes!
What I mind is that it's new gym/swimming pool again for her tomorrow. My wife is a looker and will be in her skimpies in front of strangers. Dual standards or what? And in answer to "Do I need to punch someone for flirting with you?"she said "It hasn't happened yet."
In all, it's a good thing that I have tons of patience and a sense of humour. But something amazes me. When I speak to my (lady) counsellor, to the ladies at Al-Anon and to other people of either gender generally, I marvel at one thing...they're pleasant to me.
Marriage made in Heaven? Answers on a postcard...
By the way, the cat's fine...she's a springy Siamese and fairly hurl-proof!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Snood....we will always be nice to you! You deserve that! Don't cut yourself short of other nice people....they make life a whole lot more enjoyable.
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