Hawkeye13

You know, I do think you have something here.
I don't lie either, and even when I was full blown drinking,
If my husband or family asked me about it, or about problems related to it,
I was honest.

When my boss actually asked me straight out about it, I told the truth right then along with the fact that I would be going on strike if one were called.
That was the situation at the time. Extremely risky, but it is how I am.

However, I knew I would be in trouble since it gotten to where it was affecting my work, so I also told my boss I would stop drinking immediately.
She said "I believe you" and never said another word about it, and I did quit that very day. She knew I didn't lie.

It was the worst week of detox you can imagine, but I also didn't call in sick.
I don't think I'm more "moral" than others, just simpleminded perhaps. . . do what you say you will do and don't get caught in a lie.

hopeful4

I think alcoholism certainly affects your decisions but a lie is a lie and my AH knows when hes lying. Maybe its burned me so much that i just dont care anymore WHY it happens, just that it does. As far as comparing to cancer, i question...was it the cancer talking or the drugs associated with it? Im not trying to be smart here, i guess just trying to open my mind and analyze how i feel about all this. And believe me, i dont argue or try to discuss addiction w my AH that would just

be self torture, found that out the hard way. Why bother?! As far as anyone who has lost loved ones for any reason my heart goes out, certainly not trying to hurt or minimize those feelings no matter what the cause was.

Prayers for all of us.

Hammer

[QUOTE=Upsetnneedhelp;4328564] Hey USNH. Sorry for the slow response.

I read this and then lost the thread.

Mrs. Hammer is not "drunk" per se, often comes closer to what they call "dry drunk" (are you familiar with that?) but her real problems are the underlying Mental Illness issues. That is what she is supposed to be in T for herself.

Her alcohol relapse was about 7 years ago now. But that was just one event. She acknowledged it, then, but now lies about it as she does not want to give up the "Chip Date." Problem is with lying in an AA program -- since it is God Thing Program and requires "Rigorous Honesty," she is a mess.

Shortly after that an Eating / Exercise disorder took over her mind, and that spiraled down to going into rehab about a year ago. Been back that from about a year, but has been stuck in a Compulsive Lying Addiction since they took away her Eating Disorder.

It is all just Crazy upon Crazy upon Crazy.

As far as working with the Clients. She has only done that since after about 100 days back from rehab, herself. She is special slotted to ONLY work with the Worse Case, Multiple Disordered, Multiple Rehab Failure clients. That is why I laugh and say Fight Fire With Fire. It is a Crazy v. Crazy Rehab world.

She will probably be stuck this way until she fully repents and stops the lies, and kneeling face-down deals with God.

BUT none of that is my problem. In the meanwhile, I have kids to deal with, and as for Mrs. Hammer -- as Forrest Gump says . . .

She's my girl.

Hammer

I think the lying and recovery aspects go along with the thread

If she is effective? . . . As far down as the folks are which she is dealing with . . . it is a God Thing Only. Most of these folks have failed two or more rehabs, and are now in an intensive 1 year lock down. For some the alternate is Mental Facilities or Jail.

Even if she is a reprobate mind herself . . . does the message get through either through her or in spite of her?

(actually probably comes close to my jackassery in this realm. No wonder God put us together, huh? To save some other folks from us

If God is in this . . . I would think so. Look up the stories of Balaam or Jonah. Absolute World Class Leaders in not doing things according His Will nor His Way. Message came through by them for His Glory -- not theirs.

To Jonah, Balaam, and Mrs. Hammer . . . . (and maybe me) in that regard.

Stung

I don't know if this is the "right" thing to do but my AH is a really lousy liar but does it constantly, (once he told me his doctor was "out of appointments"...forever, another time he told me that his boss wasn't my going to give him bonuses anymore but pay for our family to go on vacations twice a year, the crap he lies about boggles my mind.) when he's lying, I make him back up and tell me some other detail about it. AH is also a binge eater so when he lies about what he had for lunch "a salad" I ask for details casually and when he stumbles it makes it readily apparent that he's a liar, and he *knows* that I know. It gets the message across without me having to flat out say "you're a liar!"

Stung

And I just realized how passive aggressive that is. Maybe I should just call him a liar and ask if he'd like to go marry a woman that is more accepting of his lifestyle so he doesn't have to make up lies constantly.