BookNerd

Today he came home from work angry as hell, not talking to me and walking around with a scowl. I don't know what he thinks he's angry about. Because I did not be "nice" and look the other way I guess, when I discovered he was lying. Or maybe just because I dared to be unhappy with his conduct. Pretty much, he always gets so angry he doesn't speak to me for days, if I ever dare to be displeased with him in any way. Even if it's something minor.

Of course, when I asked him what he was angry about, he told me he wasn't angry at all, not in any way - what was I talking about? This is very typical. My feelings, opinions, and observations don't actually exist. He wants me to think I am going crazy and doubt myself, I believe. Or maybe he really believes it. But whatever. I wish I had a nickle for every time he told me he wasn't angry one bit, after he stormed around the house for hours like a little kid having a tantrum.

This is ridiculous. I wish so hard that I had a job and could extricate myself from this mess. At least temporarily. I need a break from the craziness. And I'm sure the kids would like a break from the tension too. One of my sons came down with a mysterious belly ache soon after Daddy got home today, and I think I know the cause...

Springs

Could the middle two start public school? That could free up some of your time to work on the other components of your plan.

Seren

I'm worry to hear about the lapse, Booknerd. I know how much of a let down that can be.

It takes practice, and it can be hard to do sometimes....but try to ignore the tantrums. The more attention you give them, the more frequently they are used. He's probably telling himself the usual lie of "I'm not that bad! I should be able to have a drink whenever I want to!" *ugh*

Just curious....is there a bookstore or two in your area? Do they have any job openings? It could combine what you love with a way to make some money. It wouldn't be a fabulously high-paying job, but it would be income that you could begin to squirrel away for whatever you decide to do in the future.

BookNerd

That's a good idea Seren, and as you might have guessed I've worked at bookstores in the past. Now though, we live way out in the country. I think it's about a half hour drive (on the highway) to the nearest bookstore. With the price of gas these days (it's more expensive in Canada than in the US), it wouldn't really be worth it. I've calculated before that with my old van, it costs about $20 every time I drive into the city.

I do like your idea though, maybe I should poke around and see if there might be a little bookstore somewhere closer to home.

Yes Springs, I could put the middle two in school if I had to. I am not "against" school, I just prefer the homeschooling lifestyle for our family. I'm not sure what I would do with the 2 year old though as I have never heard of any daycares out here in the boonies.

So many things to consider.

dandylion

BookNerd---I know the misery of living under the same roof with a passive-aggressive "black cloud". It even makes the air toxic! This is where detachment (as much as possible) and distance is your friend (geographic distance). What this does is give you some little pieces of respite from the storm---while you are directing your energies toward your plans for dealing with the "big picture".

Sometimes, we can put up with things for a short time that would be unthinkable for the long haul.

Keep making your baby steps. Gotta love those baby steps!

dandylion