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Help me understand this... So unbelievably sad

Old 11-26-2013, 08:52 AM
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Help me understand this... So unbelievably sad

I have tried awfully hard to see the "reason" for things, however crummy lately... I have tried to remain optimistic even when things have sucked....

Right now at this moment I want to have a fit and cry and scream...

I interviewed twice in the past 2 weeks for a job that I desperately wanted. I left teaching this particular content area after I stayed home D8 and then took jobs to pay the bills rather than jobs I loved.

I saw this position advertised, I have been out of the field of this content area for some time and I sent my stuff anyway....

I got an interview, then a second one. I was one of three called back. And I thought I did well. I thought I impressed the team, I have a ton of experience and passion and background.

This wasn't just a job-- it was doing something that would have fed my soul (roll your eyes-- that's fine!)... It was something I believe in, it was the EXACT job that I left when I married xAH. I never should have left my old job and I saw this as a chance to get back into something that made me happy...

I just got a call that I did not get the job and got the standard "we'll keep your resume on file blah blah blah"...

I am devastated and can't think of ANY reason that this is a positive.

I don't understand. I guess it wasn't meant to be but I can't really see how that's possible...

To make matters worse, last night a few old students found me on FB (they were 6th graders when I last saw them and one of them found me and linked an old class photo and others tracked me down through that) and they were telling me how I was their favorite teacher, how I made learning fun, how much I meant to them etc... I felt excited about the possibility of maybe being able to go back to teaching that same grade and making that same impact on kids and then today took those hopes and crushed them.

For 6 yrs each summer I have tried to get back into content area teaching and this was the closest I have come...

I'm just really really really down right now....
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:05 AM
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Hugs WTBH! I understand the need to love the work that you do. When you are doing something you are passionate about, everyone benefits. Take this moment to grieve the loss of this opportunity because that is what it sounds like you need to do. But, know that this is only a temporary loss of opportunity. Once you get your sights on a goal, you will find a way to make it happen. Also, what an amazing thing to have your old students find you and send you such a gift, particularly at this moment when you really needed some assurance of your path!

Keep your faith in yourself, WTBH. But, you know if you lose a bit, we all have plenty of faith in you to spare.

Take care,
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:06 AM
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Step 11, Girlfriend. Step 11.

======

Real World Stuff:

Remember job hunting is a numbers game.

Once you know your numbers, they just fall out.

Since I do projects, I am hunting at least once a year, sometimes twice or more.

My numbers are 100 : 10 : 1.

For more jobish type projects -- 100 resumes out, 10 calls back, 1 winner.

For bid type contracts -- I have 100 Look-Ats, 10 bids out, 1 win.

Once you know your numbers it can shift your hunting and time/efforts to be more effective and efficient.

=============

Back towards matching Vocation and Avocation and your heart . . .

Can you tutor, private, or assist teaching in your Content Area?

Did one year of full time dedicated teaching. We qualified for food stamps.

Best work year of my life.
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:10 AM
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I am so sorry. That is very frustrating. I know in this area, it is very hard to be a teacher as the market is flooded with people who want to teach in this school district. So...you better know someone or have some sort of in besides your credentials...which is not fair at all. That may be what happened in your situation.

That being said, it is obviously your passion! Don't give up on it. At my job the majority of people we have hired have been from candidates we have saved after interviewing someone and not giving them the job initially or the timing being wrong for whatever reason. No eye rolling!

Gentle hugs for you. If this was not the plan than that means God has another plan for you!

Blessings!
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
I am devastated and can't think of ANY reason that this is a positive.
I'm so sorry! Perhaps it appeared to be the perfect job on the surface but just wouldn't have been once you had it. Maybe there were a lot of hidden details you just couldn't see from the interview seat that would have made it intolerable for you later? (schedules, co-workers, etc.)


Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
I felt excited about the possibility of maybe being able to go back to teaching that same grade and making that same impact on kids and then today took those hopes and crushed them.
Those kids are still out there waiting for you WTBH, maybe not in the place you expect them to be, or the same age group, but I don't doubt that they ARE waiting for you to make your impact on them.
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:22 AM
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I am not even looking for a job that pays amazingly-- I was looking at a job for less pay, longer hours, longer commute...

I left working in an inner city Charter School (the one the kids tracked me down from) teaching History to get married. Real f'ing smart move that was.

I have been in special ed since and HATE it. I am miserable in my work every.single.day.

I don't care what I earn -- I would be happy to have to use food stamps if I just could do work that means something to me. I am utterly miserable working for the almighty dollar BUT the longer I teach, the more costly I am to a district (bc of the union rules about step increases based on years teaching) so I will never get a job in public school teaching history AND I haven't taught history in going on 6 yrs so I am now questionably certified to teach it I guess...

I just feel SO disheartened and felt so so so so so hopeful about this position. You know leaving an interview where you feel you nailed it?

They were asking me about whether the benefits they offer and the pay was okay and when I could possibly start...

That sounds like they were into me as a candidate... I don't know what I could have done differently and I am losing steam to keep trying to find something different bc the rejection after getting my hopes up hurts too much.

And then we have xAH who got the job he has via my brother after stumbling from job to job-- he is teaching history, making a ton, happy as a clam... I supported us for years with sped jobs I hated while he figured out what he wanted to be...

It just seems at some point I am due some luck, no?
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:30 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
It just seems at some point I am due some luck, no?
Yes, most definitely!!!!!! You just can't possibly know FOR SURE that this WAS your due luck, right? It's the opposite of awfulizing - I call it "wonderfulizing".
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:31 AM
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One kid- now a 26 yr old with a 2 yr old himself asked me last night (he messaged me, saying I bet you don't remember me-- I did) "why did you leave us? you just disappeared at the end of that year and never came back... we missed you and I always wondered"

Seriously.

I left that job that I LOVED (and was offered it back 3 yrs ago and xAH refused to let me move back to MA and take the girls with me and we were not divorced yet and I should have just done so and said to hell with him) to marry my sorry AH and be MISERABLE in NH. Utterly miserable since I left that job. And I bailed on kids who cared about me and knew I cared about them and at least one of them has wondered for 13 yrs why I left...

It broke my heart to hear that and I deep down hoped that maybe this job I was waiting on hearing on would be my chance to redeem myself and go back to doing what I loved...

Sigh. Obviously not.
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:26 AM
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Big ******************{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry!

I don't know much about the field of teaching...this may be a dumb thing to ask...can you take some refresher type course(s) to add to your already impressive resume? Maybe also letters from former students?

I wish I had better advice to offer!

And you have nothing to lose to call them back a few times just to check...sometimes persistence pays off. Tell them how much you want this job. That you love it. That if it doesn't work out with who they hired, to please call you.

And most of all, DON'T GIVE UP!
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:33 AM
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I am so sorry to read all of this, but there *will be* the right job for you, I am 100% sure. Don't give up hope - never give up hope. [hugs]
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:37 AM
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And by the way, you DID do well...one of only three called back! Don't beat yourself up!
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:39 AM
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I take classes to maintain my history cert so yes that's a good idea and I'm doing it

And I already emailed back to say I would love to work for them and to keep me in mind etc...

I got a nice reply saying there were so many candidates all so highly qualified and it was very hard to narrow it down due to the limited positions for start up.

It's not just that it was a teaching job- it was helping to start a school too from the ground up which I did once before and LOVED.

The woman I emailed who interviewed me told me she encouraged me to keep in touch as the next (this coming fall) school year approaches and they may need to hire more staff and will keep my resume on file.

I'm assuming she's just being nice bc the initial email just said we can't offer you a position at this time and good luck in your search.

It just sucks.


Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya View Post
Big ******************{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry!

I don't know much about the field of teaching...this may be a dumb thing to ask...can you take some refresher type course(s) to add to your already impressive resume? Maybe also letters from former students?

I wish I had better advice to offer!

And you have nothing to lose to call them back a few times just to check...sometimes persistence pays off. Tell them how much you want this job. That you love it. That if it doesn't work out with who they hired, to please call you.

And most of all, DON'T GIVE UP!
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
I take classes to maintain my history cert so yes that's a good idea and I'm doing it

And I already emailed back to say I would love to work for them and to keep me in mind etc...

I got a nice reply saying there were so many candidates all so highly qualified and it was very hard to narrow it down due to the limited positions for start up.

It's not just that it was a teaching job- it was helping to start a school too from the ground up which I did once before and LOVED.

The woman I emailed who interviewed me told me she encouraged me to keep in touch as the next (this coming fall) school year approaches and they may need to hire more staff and will keep my resume on file.

I'm assuming she's just being nice bc the initial email just said we can't offer you a position at this time and good luck in your search.

It just sucks.
I know it sucks when you want something so badly. And building it from the ground up sounds awesome.

Don't assume she was only being polite...there's nothing to lose by keeping in touch.

Last night I had an appointment. It's important. Very. But we drove around completely lost and I had to reschedule it. Could NOT find this place. For over an hour! It was incredibly annoyed and made me anxious. But I wondered, maybe there was a reason I couldn't find it yesterday. Maybe I would have gotten into an accident. Who knows?

I know that missing an appointment that I rescheduled is nothing like feeling as though your dreams are being crushed. My point is only that you never know.

Just don't give up.

******************{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:47 AM
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I actually would take that as a highly positive and good sign - without a doubt DO keep in touch and find things of relevance and interest to talk about by email.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:23 AM
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Thanks all. I'm definitely trying to think of the reasons it could be okay that it didn't work out. I just can't think of any.

I have another offer on the table from a school in my town but it's at a salary I literally can't live on.

So the no to this one I desperately wanted also means having to close the door on this other one too. It feels like double the loss. I will stay in my current job, miserable but it pays the bills & continue to try and stay hopeful about the maybe from the one I didn't get today.

It just sucks leading into a long holiday break that I am already struggling with and already having a hard time with to get my hopes burst

Mostly I am angry at myself for the choices I made that resulted in my leaving my MA job I loved, my history position when D8 was born and every bad career decision I have made since.

I would have loved to be a SAHM. But financially xAH wouldn't have it so at the least I wish I could have had and could still have a job that fulfills me. Nothing about my current job in special ed does that.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
And I already emailed back to say I would love to work for them and to keep me in mind etc...

I got a nice reply saying there were so many candidates all so highly qualified and it was very hard to narrow it down due to the limited positions for start up.

The woman I emailed who interviewed me told me she encouraged me to keep in touch as the next (this coming fall) school year approaches and they may need to hire more staff and will keep my resume on file.

I'm assuming she's just being nice bc the initial email just said we can't offer you a position at this time and good luck in your search.
WTBH...hugs...you did GREAT!!! There are two things I truly believe in fate with - house hunting & job hunting. Recruiting is part of my job...so maybe a couple thoughts...

You can follow up with the interviewer to see if there is anything you could have done to improve your chances of being selected. Be objective, focus on yourself and your desire to sharpen your skill set and most people will be happy to give you a nugget or two to assist you. You can also reiterate your interest should another opening arise. We do keep strong candidates in mind for later consideration..and since you were top three I would say you were a strong candidate. If nothing else, it puts your name in front of them again and may help develop your network.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:26 AM
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Don't be angry at yourself. It won't change the past. It could change the future, though, if you let it bring you down. Easier said than done I know, especially with him and his job situation...

Try to see if you can negotiate in salary at this other job - what's the worst that could happen if you are thinking it's a no-go anyway due to salary limits?
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:36 AM
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last night a few old students found me on FB (they were 6th graders when I last saw them and one of them found me and linked an old class photo and others tracked me down through that) and they were telling me how I was their favorite teacher, how I made learning fun, how much I meant to them etc...
This is your silver lining. Regardless of what this particular hiring person said, look at what the people who matter say about your skills. Chin up.

I tend to think about job hunting almost the same way Hammer does (except I'm apparently less optimistic): 100 applications>15 interviews> 1 offer.

The other thing is -- and forgive me for going all spiritual here -- sometimes, we don't get what we want. We get what we need.

About 10 years ago, I was ditching my small business to become an employee again (being married to an A and having kids and running a business = disaster). I applied for every job that moved in my profession. I interviewed for.. I think 10-12 jobs. I was if anything overqualified for half of them and definitely qualified for the rest. Got the "thank you but we picked another applicant" stuff.

So I got desperate and applied for a job I was absolutely NOT qualified for. Something in my application caught the eye of the hiring manager. He called me in for an interview. We clicked. He gave me the job (3 month test period during which I was trained) and after that, hired me permanently. That job qualified me for the job where I made enough money to leave AXH and be able to support my children.

Then I moved. Same story. Applied for jobs I was qualified for, didn't even get a call back. Finally applied for a job that was way out of my comfort zone -- and got it. And a pay about 40% above what I would have gotten in the other jobs. It's also a job where I am forced to be out and about and interact with people, where I have to get up, put on makeup, do my hair, and dress to the nines every day. All of which goes completely against what I WANT to do, which is sit by my computer in my jammies and avoid social interactions. BUT IT IS GOOD FOR ME. It is bringing my confidence and my love of life back.

So that's my story. You may not know what your HP has in store for you, but your HP is solidly in control here. Throw some pillows at the wall. Cry a bit. Swear (that always makes me feel a bit better). And then say to yourself, "Self, you're done doing the self-pity thing. HP has a plan for you and it's irritating you can't know what it is, but you have to trust it's there."

Lots of hugs to you. I cried so much before I got this job. Just remember you're that awesome teacher those kids talked about. Whether one particular employer sees it or not.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:40 AM
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Oh, a couple more encouraging things I thought of:

1) Do stay in touch with them since they asked you too. Even if it was just courtesy, as you thought, the teachers I know who apply for jobs apply for MANY jobs, and then make up their minds once they see what they're offered. It's not impossible that the candidate they picked has applied for another job with a shorter commute which she prefers because it's closer to the kids' daycare or something. You never know.

2) I've found when I've been on a hiring team that the team is rarely in complete agreement as to who is the best hire. You got a form letter for a response, but a human being told you to stay in touch because there might be other options. Listen to that human being, because she might have been your biggest advocate on the hiring team and lost. I've fought for a particular hire a few times and been overruled -- only to have the person who WAS hired stay six months and then leave…
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:51 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
I got a nice reply saying there were so many candidates all so highly qualified and it was very hard to narrow it down due to the limited positions for start up....


The woman I emailed who interviewed me told me she encouraged me to keep in touch as the next (this coming fall) school year approaches and they may need to hire more staff and will keep my resume on file.

I'm assuming she's just being nice bc the initial email just said we can't offer you a position at this time and good luck in your search.

It just sucks.
I would not assume that she's just being nice. I've interviewed and hired my fair share of employees. If a candidate makes it to a callback interview & the final 3, I would absolutely keep the candidate on file for future hiring. Also, we've had more than once that a newly hired candidate hasn't worked out very shortly after being hired. In that case, I would always go back to the other top candidates unless some red flag came up during the interview process which excluded one of them. Based on what she said, I would assume you'd be in the former rather than the latter category. The initial contact sounded like the standard rejection but the response to your email sounds very positive.

As for the silver linings, the two I see are: 1- you had a great interview experience which will just help with future interviews plus will give you confidence (making it to a 2nd interview is a BIG thing.) 2- your response to the "rejection" likely created an ally for you. If you never end up at that school, you could end up with a reference to another school because of it. I have absolutely been in the position where someone was not the right fit for our company but was an exceptional candidate. In those cases, if another company mentions hiring, I mention the candidate & provide contact info if they're interested. It's happened once or twice.

Congrats on the 2nd interview and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
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