choublak

There are some people in Al-Anon that I don't like.

At the step study meetings, we go around the circle and take turns reading aloud, you can read for as long as you like and when you're done you say "pass". Well this one lady reads aloud a lot but has trouble reading aloud and pronouncing words and it's a pain to have to follow along. I'm not just talking about words like "anonymity" I mean like every other word. And she always talks about the same thing: her husband is an alcoholic, she used to be "foaming at the mouth" but Al-Anon literally saved her life and so now she's not "foaming at the mouth" anymore. Doesn't really get into any more detail, but she sure does love that expression "foaming at the mouth".

And then some people in general don't cover their noses/mouths when they cough or sneeze, which makes the room feel like a giant Petri dish.

dandylion

Choublak---did you ever see the movie "Private Benjamin"? (Great movie).

dandylion

choublak

No. Why?

dandylion

Oh, Wow, it stars Goldie Hawn and it it soooo funny--it is now a classic. I think you would enjoy it so much--I highly recommend it!

It is about adjusting to a new situation.

dandylion

hopeful4

There are some people at Celebrate Recovery I don't care for. When you have a large group of people there will be some you like, some not so much. That being said, I always try to be kind and considerate to them b/c that is what I want back (maybe they don't like me much either lol). I have a close bond with some people there, definitely not with those people. That's ok. I think as long as I am getting alot of out of it (and I am) then it is always worth it to go!

If it really bothers you can you try another meeting or go at a different time? Just wondering.

Tamerua

Perhaps she doesn't have an extended vocabulary? In AA we have folks who don't read well and who share the share the same things. I need to accept that they are who they are. ETA, not easy to do.. I still want to pull out my hair but I have learned that is my problem.

Florence

When I am feeling short, judgmental, and impatient with others, I try to work on being empathetic and kind and respecting people with skills, preferences, and abilities that differ from my own.

jessicajoe

choublak
I think it's great that you are self aware enough to wonder if these feelings are okay.
I don't like when people don't cover their mouths (coughs and sneezes spread diseases)
I also can be prone to impatience so if someone is struggling to read I "want" to respect and admire their efforts. I "try" to respect and admire their efforts but a tiny part of me (and it is just a tiny part) is thinking "okay enough, well done but stop now"
The "foaming at the mouth" I'm okay with. There are expressions I use all the time. At work I now have everybody saying "lets get-er-done" which is actually funny because people tend to "talk posh" in my work.

I am the most non sporty person you could every meet. I'm sure that every team event I ever took part in from my own school days to my kids "moms' races" had the rest of the team smiling graciously but thinking "get on with it".

If I had advice it would be to acknowledge the feelings as feelings (that's all they are) while accepting that we are all different and it takes all sorts to make the world go round.

FireSprite

Florence took the words right out of my head. I always try to stop & remember: I did not walk a mile in this person's shoes, I do not know or understand their damage (if any) or what in their life brought them to these actions or ways of thinking. I try to turn it around & send them love & positivity instead, because really, they are hurting themselves much more than me.... it isn't personal.

CarryOn

I'm right there with Florence & Firesprite. I try to be positive with them and encourage them to participate. In some of the daily readers there have been writings from people that talk about the confidence they lacked coming into the program and how the opportunities to speak, read, plan, volunteer, etc. taught them skills that others of us learned through FOO, education, work, etc. So, I look at it as opportunities others may have to improve their skills and encourage them in their efforts.

There is a woman in my group that I feel so PROUD for...she has shown magnificent progress in her anxiety through her participation in AlAnon...an absolute shining example & inspiration. It works if you work it.

As for the sneezing, coughing...keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in your pocket or maybe bring one to share for the group. I, too, hate getting sick, but they may really NEED that meeting and I am an adult who has options to prevent catching others colds.

Hammer

I follow you do not mean to be funny, but this has me laughing out loud.

You are so . . . human. And THAT is a GOOD Thing.

choublak, have you heard the closing they use at many meetings?

We love you, choublak.

lillamy

This actually made me laugh out loud too -- I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing in recognition.

Because dammit, I wish I could just absolutely adore every single one of my Alanannies. But they're such flawed humans. I want every meeting to be like a religious experience but they're not. I've been to meetings where I've been ANGRY leaving because the woman with the hippie skirt showed up and was talking about how irritated she was with the weevils in her garden for 20 minutes and the meeting leader didn't redirect her… or someone brought boiled fish to the lunch meeting and the meeting room just STUNK and I couldn't focus…

I'm actually having one of those days right now. Where I'm angry because I'm surrounded by idiots. I can laugh at it because I know my coworkers are just as nice (or not) and friendly (or not) and intelligent (or not) as any other day. It's just that today, I perceive them all as morons and I wish they would go away.

People are annoying. But how much they annoy us -- that's something we have control over. How much we let them annoy us. At least that's the case for me.

honeypig

Absolutely have been there and felt that! Man, bad readers are a dime a dozen...

I have been to a handful of meetings where there is a person who rambles on and on or who clearly comes to the meeting for reasons other than "dealing with alcoholism in a friend or family member" as stated at the start of the meeting.

Regarding the rambling--some of the meetings I go to will open the sharing section with a request that shares be kept to X number of minutes. It seems usually people stay within that. Maybe you can see if something like this can be put in place? And make sure there is a method also for alerting a member that he/she is going over the limit; some meetings use a flashlight, just flashing it once as the limit is approaching. I feel that if what a person has to say is THAT lengthy and detailed, that they can't say it in 3 minutes or so, then it's for their sponsor, NOT for the meeting in general, and I have no problem w/a time limit being imposed.

Actually, my A's favorite AA meeting was routinely running to half an hour and more beyond the scheduled time, creating problems for members who didn't want to be disruptive and leave while sharing was going on but who had other commitments and needed to be out on time. They imposed a time limit for each speaker and, after a few "growing pains", the meeting now ends in a timely fashion and everyone seems content w/the change.

Regarding people who share the same thing again and again--I've seen this a few times, and I guess I always think to myself "well, perhaps they're trying to convince themselves, who knows..." Like you, I wonder why they don't pass if they have nothing to say, but then again, the world at large (including myself) doesn't seem to know the gentle art of not speaking when we have nothing to say, so why should an Alanon meeting be any different?

And I have encountered a few folks who I think come to the meeting just to talk and to feel as if they have friends. The ones I've seen have clearly seemed to have some kind of mental issues, so I try to be compassionate and wait patiently, borrowing the AA saying "There but for the grace of God go I..."

hopeful4

We have contemplated at CR what to do about this because when you try to redirect some people it just does not work. We have even thought about putting in a timer during open share time but have not had the guts to do it. We try to recognize who those people are and remind everyone a few times to try and stay w/in the 3-5 min time guideline if they are there. It's not too big of a problem in our group, most of us are pretty respectful. My AH tells me the rambling in his small group is a HUGE problem and that they go on and on and that the leader of that group does not put a stop to it at all. It is being addressed this week actually.

digdug

I'm in AA, and there's this guy who I see at meetings and I cannot for the life of me understand a word he is saying. I don't know if his brain has been scrambled by alcohol or something else, but it just sounds like gibberish. I used to hate when he shared. He went on and on about nothing and I quickly built up a resentment towards him.

I shared this with my sponsor, and he told me a story. When he first got sober, there was a guy who would share the exact same thing every single meeting. Literally word for word. It drove my sponsor crazy. So he was talking to someone about it and was told that the guy had over 20 years sober. It then dawned on my sponsor that who was he to judge someone in the program if what they are doing is working for them.

I found out a few months ago that the guy who I had resented has over 4 years sober. If he needs to share his gibberish to keep him from drinking, then I have no right to hold it against him if it helps him.

Besides, resentments only hurt me. Not the person I actually resent. I've had to learn to let stuff slide and not get in the way of my own recovery.

choublak

I already do that in all the other areas of my life.

Upsetnneedhelp

choublak, its okay not to like everyone. I hate some of the people at my Families Anonymous meetings. One lady cries every single time she shares. Some folks like to go past the 3-5minutes of sharing and take over the meeting. One man is a double winner yet last week he was clearly intoxicated and was slurring his words during a reading. It's human nature not to relate to everyone you meet.

Florence

Cool! Then this should be easy. Like water off a duck's back.

jaynie04

I don't know, maybe I am punch drunk tonight (but I guess that is still sober ), but this sounded like a page out of Catcher in the Rye.

Sorry Choublak, maybe you were being serious, but a lot of times I get the sense that you are being tongue in cheek, so forgive me if I am off the mark.

Maybe you need to get your own saying like "life is like a box of cracker jacks" and just work it in every other sentence just to blow off some steam.

As far as the Petri Dish goes, I would imagine donning a gas mask for the next meeting would get your point across.

When I pick up the newspaper and read about someone being arrested for yelling out "life is like a box of cracker jacks" while wearing a gas mask I will have a good hunch it is you. My hunch will be confirmed when I go on to read that the first eyewitness interviewed on the scene mentions that she is so worried she might start "foaming at the mouth".

Leana

I will quote what my mom used to say to me whenever I would complain about something someone did or said that annoyed me "Just think of it as a character building task."

BTW- I hated when she responded with that phrase but I can admit it now, she was right!