Is this okay? (vent)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
As far as the Petri Dish goes, I would imagine donning a gas mask for the next meeting would get your point across.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Originally Posted by choublak 
I'll roll up in there dressed like one of the meth cooks from Breaking Bad. Just because I feel like it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
My XRAH who jumped feet first into recovery told me about a guy at his meetings that made him nuts. The guy could not and would not sit still. Got up, adjusted his metal chair across a linolium floor causing a loud lasting echoing sound every single time. about 20 times a meeting
My X finally came to the conclusion that it was not THE GUY who was annoying him, it was his own JUDGEMENT of the guy and he went on for 20 minutes expounding on this new discovery of himself.
Ok good for him---really.
But seriously, IMHO the guy was just rude.
Back in my own meetings, I went to a meeting where i swear to you, was full of stepford wives. All high hair and aqua net (and not in an 80's sort of way--a 50's sort of way and they were all in their 30's-40's at most) I N E V E R went back to that meeting.
My X finally came to the conclusion that it was not THE GUY who was annoying him, it was his own JUDGEMENT of the guy and he went on for 20 minutes expounding on this new discovery of himself.
Ok good for him---really.
But seriously, IMHO the guy was just rude.
Back in my own meetings, I went to a meeting where i swear to you, was full of stepford wives. All high hair and aqua net (and not in an 80's sort of way--a 50's sort of way and they were all in their 30's-40's at most) I N E V E R went back to that meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
I don't like the knitters.
And yes, I know, you've all told me before, one can knit and watch TV and read a book and hold a conversation all at the same time.
. However, I believe it is very important to show respect and demonstrate good, grown up, listening skills in an Al Anon meeting.
How does one show they are listening? One shows they are listening by demonstrating they are paying attention. Body language carries a majority of the message, so, if you are looking at your knitting when I am speaking it's a great big sign to me that you ain't listening, no matter what you say.
I can use my phone, text my friends, check out FB, watch TV and participate in a conversation all at the same time but I would never try that in Al Anon because I feel it would be rude. When someone is spilling their guts I feel it is only polite to give them my full attention.
The knitting alanannies **** me off.
And yes, I know, you've all told me before, one can knit and watch TV and read a book and hold a conversation all at the same time.
. However, I believe it is very important to show respect and demonstrate good, grown up, listening skills in an Al Anon meeting. How does one show they are listening? One shows they are listening by demonstrating they are paying attention. Body language carries a majority of the message, so, if you are looking at your knitting when I am speaking it's a great big sign to me that you ain't listening, no matter what you say.
I can use my phone, text my friends, check out FB, watch TV and participate in a conversation all at the same time but I would never try that in Al Anon because I feel it would be rude. When someone is spilling their guts I feel it is only polite to give them my full attention.
The knitting alanannies **** me off.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Patience is not one of my shining virtues and I do not suffer fools lightly and it is hard for me at some meetings (both AA and Alanon) as my brain starts focusing on the THAT member or THAT story (I have many that are unbelievable). I actually have to work hard not to stop the meeting to "fix it"... lol.
A very wise old timer shared that the problem was with me and it was... and when I come across the annoying share or person and I feel the boil starting I start self talk and for help from my HP for my life lesson.
It's easy to love the lovable... those that are attractive, well spoken and now how to tell an entertaining story in a way that we all enjoy. WE download those talks and fly those folks around the country to conferences and big meetings. But it is those really broken gibberish speakers that don't even know how rude they are being that often need those of us to smile and nod while they are secretly driving us up the wall. Some of them are so broken they are simply doing the best they can with who they are and what they have and they need someone to listen and care.
I wish I could tell you that it gets better or perfect but honestly the best I can say for me is that I haven't hijacked a meeting yet and I am still smiling!
A very wise old timer shared that the problem was with me and it was... and when I come across the annoying share or person and I feel the boil starting I start self talk and for help from my HP for my life lesson.
It's easy to love the lovable... those that are attractive, well spoken and now how to tell an entertaining story in a way that we all enjoy. WE download those talks and fly those folks around the country to conferences and big meetings. But it is those really broken gibberish speakers that don't even know how rude they are being that often need those of us to smile and nod while they are secretly driving us up the wall. Some of them are so broken they are simply doing the best they can with who they are and what they have and they need someone to listen and care.
I wish I could tell you that it gets better or perfect but honestly the best I can say for me is that I haven't hijacked a meeting yet and I am still smiling!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Miles from Nowhere
Posts: 396
Choublak, I feel your paion. I went to a certain Al Anon meeting for years. A woman who has mental issues by her own admission started going, and was often saying inappropriate things and invading my personal space, until I told her forcibly to back the heck off.
what was the straw that broke this camel's back, someone who isn't very popular was sharing, and this woman broke in and said snarkily, "So-and-so, you've been talking for five minutes," and some more, equally snarky. NOBODY SAID ANYTHING!! I wish I had, but I'm not really good at thinking on my feet. Another woman told me later that she wished she'd said something too.
It got to where, for me, that meeting bothered me more than it helped me. I have been going to another local meeting for some years now. It's my home group and it helps me a lot.
Some groups are dysfunctional, and members either can't or won't keep things on track.
And of course different people feel comfortable in different meetings. Is there another local meeting you can attend?
what was the straw that broke this camel's back, someone who isn't very popular was sharing, and this woman broke in and said snarkily, "So-and-so, you've been talking for five minutes," and some more, equally snarky. NOBODY SAID ANYTHING!! I wish I had, but I'm not really good at thinking on my feet. Another woman told me later that she wished she'd said something too.
It got to where, for me, that meeting bothered me more than it helped me. I have been going to another local meeting for some years now. It's my home group and it helps me a lot.
Some groups are dysfunctional, and members either can't or won't keep things on track.
And of course different people feel comfortable in different meetings. Is there another local meeting you can attend?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by choublak
What I meant was, I don't want to do it all the time.
Man, I don't want to do it all the time either, choublak!
That's life, though, hey?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I think we are all human beings with our own flaws, and we will always run into people in our lives who “get all over our last good nerve”.
Why can’t everyone be well-spoken, intelligent, and amusing according to my standards? Why can’t people behave the way I want them to behave in meetings? Why isn’t this meeting run the way I want it to be run?
I suppose, for me, it all comes down to that issue of Control. That thing that we so crave when dealing with alcoholics and addicts because our own lives feel so out of control sometimes.
I have learned that I can’t ‘control’ how other people behave—the addicts in my life or friends and family members.
But, I can choose who I spend time with, to attend another meeting, a different type of meeting, or no meeting at all.
Don’t you just love humanity in all it’s wonderful, colorful, flawed and funny reality?
Why can’t everyone be well-spoken, intelligent, and amusing according to my standards? Why can’t people behave the way I want them to behave in meetings? Why isn’t this meeting run the way I want it to be run?
I suppose, for me, it all comes down to that issue of Control. That thing that we so crave when dealing with alcoholics and addicts because our own lives feel so out of control sometimes.
I have learned that I can’t ‘control’ how other people behave—the addicts in my life or friends and family members.
But, I can choose who I spend time with, to attend another meeting, a different type of meeting, or no meeting at all.
Don’t you just love humanity in all it’s wonderful, colorful, flawed and funny reality?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Choublak,
I used to get ultra annoyed at AA meetings when someone mutilated the reading and could not pronounce simple words. After a lot of teeth gritting I told myself that perhaps they cannot read or are seriously lacking in that skill. Maybe they are dyslexic and it is a challenge for them. Or they are simply nervous. One never knows. I got past it for the most part by having those thoughts. I found that if it was a reading generally everyone else has a copy of the text. When the reading is being scrambled by the reader, I simply follow along in the book instead.
Ramblers? There are a lot of those. Two of the worst offenders at my meetings both have mental health issues and would go on and on. And on. Lately I have noticed that over time, they both have gotten better and now mostly stick to the topic. I think what helped out was that the chairperson of the meeting started setting a timer. Three minutes. That is actually a long time to talk. It seems to have worked out.
Foaming at the mouth? While not a pretty mental picture it may be a verbal tic. A space filler. There is another guy at my meetings who cannot go two words without throwing "you know?" in and sometimes when he struggles for words he strings several "you knows?" together. Really grating. Plus he is also a rambler. He gets teased sometimes but he is the nicest guy. I think he has some brain damage from an accident he was in.
Guess the bottom line is that we are all the meeting for the same reasons. The disease of alcoholism and those who love them crosses across every level of,society. Does not respect anyone or anything. When truly frustrated I either say the serenity prayer or else tell myself what I tell my kids "patience, grasshopper."
I used to get ultra annoyed at AA meetings when someone mutilated the reading and could not pronounce simple words. After a lot of teeth gritting I told myself that perhaps they cannot read or are seriously lacking in that skill. Maybe they are dyslexic and it is a challenge for them. Or they are simply nervous. One never knows. I got past it for the most part by having those thoughts. I found that if it was a reading generally everyone else has a copy of the text. When the reading is being scrambled by the reader, I simply follow along in the book instead.
Ramblers? There are a lot of those. Two of the worst offenders at my meetings both have mental health issues and would go on and on. And on. Lately I have noticed that over time, they both have gotten better and now mostly stick to the topic. I think what helped out was that the chairperson of the meeting started setting a timer. Three minutes. That is actually a long time to talk. It seems to have worked out.
Foaming at the mouth? While not a pretty mental picture it may be a verbal tic. A space filler. There is another guy at my meetings who cannot go two words without throwing "you know?" in and sometimes when he struggles for words he strings several "you knows?" together. Really grating. Plus he is also a rambler. He gets teased sometimes but he is the nicest guy. I think he has some brain damage from an accident he was in.
Guess the bottom line is that we are all the meeting for the same reasons. The disease of alcoholism and those who love them crosses across every level of,society. Does not respect anyone or anything. When truly frustrated I either say the serenity prayer or else tell myself what I tell my kids "patience, grasshopper."
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
My husband struggles with reading, butchers words, needs help pronouncing things. Yet, he often jumped in and volunteered to read at meetings. He was very self-conscious of it, and he felt stupid and worried what other people would think. Yet, he would often be the only person to volunteer when a reader was needed.
He's dyslexic. He wasn't diagnosed until his senior year of high school so he was never taught techniques to help with it. He knew that the more he worked on his reading and getting over the fear of it the more helpful it would be to him so he would swallow his worries and fear and volunteer anyway. Sometimes the only volunteer.
I would say to anyone that was annoyed by his struggles with reading; they are more than welcome to volunteer themselves. If not, get over it.
And yeah, I don't want to be patient and understanding all the time. Far from it.
He's dyslexic. He wasn't diagnosed until his senior year of high school so he was never taught techniques to help with it. He knew that the more he worked on his reading and getting over the fear of it the more helpful it would be to him so he would swallow his worries and fear and volunteer anyway. Sometimes the only volunteer.
I would say to anyone that was annoyed by his struggles with reading; they are more than welcome to volunteer themselves. If not, get over it.
And yeah, I don't want to be patient and understanding all the time. Far from it.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
This is why I think you should pick a meeting with people you click with. My group of ladies at Celebrate Recovery vary sometimes. Some annoy me a little. People come and go. But my core group of people I truly love. I click with them. They saved me from continuing down a path of hopeless.
So ya, I can put up with a mouthy drifter now and then to get the benefit of being there with the people who I truly love and love me back. That being said, I have been going for a long time so I know them very well, but even in the beginning, I knew this was my group, we just clicked.
So ya, I can put up with a mouthy drifter now and then to get the benefit of being there with the people who I truly love and love me back. That being said, I have been going for a long time so I know them very well, but even in the beginning, I knew this was my group, we just clicked.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by honeypig
Like you, I wonder why they don't pass if they have nothing to say, but then again, the world at large (including myself) doesn't seem to know the gentle art of not speaking when we have nothing to say, so why should an Alanon meeting be any different?
And, on a lighter note, it's really funny hearing my 7 yr old niece say "we're synergizing" instead of "we're working together."
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
My meetings improved a WHOLE lot when I took my glasses off. Helps me be a MUCH better listener.
(And now, finally) I am starting to understand that I am there to listen and learn from other people -- not find reasons why they suck because they do not look, act, read, behave like me. (thank God in that regard, else it would be a meeting full of jackasses).
You may have followed how the No Glasses thing came about. There was a blind lady I would sit with at one meeting, and I was always surprised by, but came to wait for when she would speak. I was asking her how she became so wise (not meaning to, but being a jackass, about that she was blind and all).
She wisely answered that she learned by listening, and that I should perhaps try that. I took it to heart, and she was correct. I no longer read along. I just listen. I do not watch if someone knits, or is twitching, or much of anything else. Just listen. Per the blind lady -- perhaps [we all] should try that.
(And now, finally) I am starting to understand that I am there to listen and learn from other people -- not find reasons why they suck because they do not look, act, read, behave like me. (thank God in that regard, else it would be a meeting full of jackasses).
You may have followed how the No Glasses thing came about. There was a blind lady I would sit with at one meeting, and I was always surprised by, but came to wait for when she would speak. I was asking her how she became so wise (not meaning to, but being a jackass, about that she was blind and all).
She wisely answered that she learned by listening, and that I should perhaps try that. I took it to heart, and she was correct. I no longer read along. I just listen. I do not watch if someone knits, or is twitching, or much of anything else. Just listen. Per the blind lady -- perhaps [we all] should try that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
If we liked everyone we met along the way, we'd have way too many people to feed at Thanksgiving.
I think we need to come up with your "catch phrase". How about, Yup, I was effervescing at the oral cavity again!"
I think we need to come up with your "catch phrase". How about, Yup, I was effervescing at the oral cavity again!"
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
I too got annoyed - one of the 'more experienced' members has control issues which are laughable when I am feeling good, and downright rude when I am not so balanced. She's taught me a valuable lesson - my serenity is compromised when I allow other people to control my emotions.
It got to the point I wanted to give up AlAnon- realised all 40 members in all three meetings couldn't be all wrong all the time- had to look to myself, ask myself why I felt like I did- realised that how I felt could affect the group, then realised the power is in the group not me... Oops now I'm rambling, glad I don't knit!!
Now I pray for all those that annoy me during a meeting- and usually I pray that I become humble enough to allow them their pain.
It got to the point I wanted to give up AlAnon- realised all 40 members in all three meetings couldn't be all wrong all the time- had to look to myself, ask myself why I felt like I did- realised that how I felt could affect the group, then realised the power is in the group not me... Oops now I'm rambling, glad I don't knit!!
Now I pray for all those that annoy me during a meeting- and usually I pray that I become humble enough to allow them their pain.
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