he did it....he punched me
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi PositiveChang,
I am so sorry this happened and my thoughts are with you. You are doing all the right things in documenting, documenting, documenting. Get copies of your medical records/bills for your treatment if you can.
What I can contribute is practical and spoken from a prosecutors perspective (ironic and embarrassing at the same time. I don't do DV though). One, any jail/prison time or sentencing depends on your specific state's statutes. States vary in their sentencing guidelines and any sentence depends on severity, victim's input, the offenders criminal history, mitigating factors, etc. etc.
Two, any documentation that you have, try to make copies of it all. One to keep for yourself and one for the prosecutors. Sometimes things get lost in the shuffle in court files. At least you would have a copy if things get misplaced.
Three, it is critical that you are in court on time and preferably early. You want to ensure that you are in the correct courtroom and on time when the case is called. I have had to dismiss cases because the witnesses walked in five minutes late or because they were sitting in the wrong courtroom when the case was called. Some were going through the metal detector to get into the courthouse when the case is called. Some were taking public transportation and were delayed (the bus had an accident, snowstorm, etc). If you think of something that could possibly delay you, plan accordingly.
Try to get child care for your court dates. Make sure the prosecutors have your correct contact information in their file. They will need to get a hold of you for hearings, etc. Same goes for the contact information for your neighbors.
Above all, take a deep breath. See if someone from the domestic violence group can come as support. I know that many groups have victim advocates who will attend court as support. Especially if you are nervous, afraid, don't know what to do. Ask them if they can do this with you. You do not need to be alone. Some courthouses are poorly constructed for DV cases and you may run into your AH in the hall way if he bonds out. In one of our old courthouses victims and offenders had to ride up in the same elevator. Bad idea. Ignore him completely.
Again, my thoughts go out to you. We are all here supporting you.
I am so sorry this happened and my thoughts are with you. You are doing all the right things in documenting, documenting, documenting. Get copies of your medical records/bills for your treatment if you can.
What I can contribute is practical and spoken from a prosecutors perspective (ironic and embarrassing at the same time. I don't do DV though). One, any jail/prison time or sentencing depends on your specific state's statutes. States vary in their sentencing guidelines and any sentence depends on severity, victim's input, the offenders criminal history, mitigating factors, etc. etc.
Two, any documentation that you have, try to make copies of it all. One to keep for yourself and one for the prosecutors. Sometimes things get lost in the shuffle in court files. At least you would have a copy if things get misplaced.
Three, it is critical that you are in court on time and preferably early. You want to ensure that you are in the correct courtroom and on time when the case is called. I have had to dismiss cases because the witnesses walked in five minutes late or because they were sitting in the wrong courtroom when the case was called. Some were going through the metal detector to get into the courthouse when the case is called. Some were taking public transportation and were delayed (the bus had an accident, snowstorm, etc). If you think of something that could possibly delay you, plan accordingly.
Try to get child care for your court dates. Make sure the prosecutors have your correct contact information in their file. They will need to get a hold of you for hearings, etc. Same goes for the contact information for your neighbors.
Above all, take a deep breath. See if someone from the domestic violence group can come as support. I know that many groups have victim advocates who will attend court as support. Especially if you are nervous, afraid, don't know what to do. Ask them if they can do this with you. You do not need to be alone. Some courthouses are poorly constructed for DV cases and you may run into your AH in the hall way if he bonds out. In one of our old courthouses victims and offenders had to ride up in the same elevator. Bad idea. Ignore him completely.
Again, my thoughts go out to you. We are all here supporting you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
So........today has been a whirlwind. I have the worst headache in the World, and feel so angry at my legal system!! I planned on a family member meet me at the courthouse early to watch my little one. They ended up being 10 minutes passed the docket. I was freaking out. I gave her my baby, ran throught the metal detectors only to find out they already cleared my AH of ALL charges. Leaving the protection order dropped, as well. I was fuming! Why in the heck would they let this man who terroized me and punched me multiple times, Scott free!? So, I called my city's police dept who arrested him.
They couldn't even believe it either! The secretary transferred me to the deputy who was filing my report to get back to me as soon as possible. Long story short, they worked a miracle and raced a citation order to keep him there overnight. So, now he will be seen for a misdemeanor. They also put another protection order. I hope he gets charged with something. I am panicking. I feel so angry, but grateful that I have some people on myside. The deputy was so concerned for me, and was furious at this court system. Thank you all for your thoughts and advixe. This is a very difficult time for me.
They couldn't even believe it either! The secretary transferred me to the deputy who was filing my report to get back to me as soon as possible. Long story short, they worked a miracle and raced a citation order to keep him there overnight. So, now he will be seen for a misdemeanor. They also put another protection order. I hope he gets charged with something. I am panicking. I feel so angry, but grateful that I have some people on myside. The deputy was so concerned for me, and was furious at this court system. Thank you all for your thoughts and advixe. This is a very difficult time for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
positivechang,
You did the right thing today to not let things just drop. I read this a little while ago, and I had to do a little research before I could properly respond.
I am not a lawyer, I do not know what state you live in, so it was kind of hard to research. I think in DV cases the charges are filed by the state, and you would be a witness. But lets forget about all that stuff for now.
Does your court house have Domestic Violence Advocates? If yes, contact that person asap. If not, contact the DV shelter. Even though whatever charges he was being held on there is a possibility of a civil lawsuit. Find out more information. DV shelters also can help you with the legal aspects of things.
I can understand how overwhelming things can be for you right now, since this just happened, but you have us to lean on.
Now whatever I posted above may not be accurate, he is still being held, and somewhere in there you still have recourse. The people at DV can help you with this, since they do know the state laws.
(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
You did the right thing today to not let things just drop. I read this a little while ago, and I had to do a little research before I could properly respond.
I am not a lawyer, I do not know what state you live in, so it was kind of hard to research. I think in DV cases the charges are filed by the state, and you would be a witness. But lets forget about all that stuff for now.
Does your court house have Domestic Violence Advocates? If yes, contact that person asap. If not, contact the DV shelter. Even though whatever charges he was being held on there is a possibility of a civil lawsuit. Find out more information. DV shelters also can help you with the legal aspects of things.
I can understand how overwhelming things can be for you right now, since this just happened, but you have us to lean on.
Now whatever I posted above may not be accurate, he is still being held, and somewhere in there you still have recourse. The people at DV can help you with this, since they do know the state laws.
(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
pc...I just wanted to lend my support as well and send cyber hugs.
I think you are amazing. Today you reached down into that hidden reservoir of strength and took action to begin to protect yourself. You deserve to feel happy and safe and powerful, and I think your quick thinking today to solve the issue at hand shows how much you are capable of. Keep moving forward, you are a precious woman and your son is so lucky to have such a loving mom. Thinking of you.
I think you are amazing. Today you reached down into that hidden reservoir of strength and took action to begin to protect yourself. You deserve to feel happy and safe and powerful, and I think your quick thinking today to solve the issue at hand shows how much you are capable of. Keep moving forward, you are a precious woman and your son is so lucky to have such a loving mom. Thinking of you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I am sorry to hear that the case was dismissed. Contact the DV people as soon as possible to discuss what your options are. In my state cases are sometimes dismissed with leave to reinstate them within thirty days. There are two types of dismissal. In one the state can reinstate the charges and in the other they cannot. If the charges can be reinstated the DV people can advocate on your behalf or you can call the state lawyers to find out about this possibility and what needs to be done for this option.
Hang in there. You have options. Even if the charges cannot be reinstated, you most likely can get a restraining order regardless of the status of the criminal case.
Hang in there. You have options. Even if the charges cannot be reinstated, you most likely can get a restraining order regardless of the status of the criminal case.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
A hug to each and everyone of you. He is out tonight. He has not contacted anyone in his family. Which is a shocker. When he gets out he has no money, transportation, residence, job, cell phone, wife or child. Please feel free to call me out on this, but I am afraid he is suicidal. I know should focus on myself and I am but.....I'm kinda scared to get that call.
I got a lot done today though. I have a dv advocate, social services, order of protection for baby/I, and some actual pain meds for my poor nose. Thanks again everyone. The nights are the hardest for me. I have nightmares about the incident when I do end up falling asleep. I have to sleep on the couch. The bed is too big and lonely.
I got a lot done today though. I have a dv advocate, social services, order of protection for baby/I, and some actual pain meds for my poor nose. Thanks again everyone. The nights are the hardest for me. I have nightmares about the incident when I do end up falling asleep. I have to sleep on the couch. The bed is too big and lonely.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
Does he have keys to the house? Have you changed the locks? I'm sorry to be so practical, but these are things I am concerned about.
Major kudos to you for being strong and doing what needs to be done to protect yourself and your child. I know this is a very scary time for you. I hope he doesn't bother you anymore. At the same time, I realize your concern for him. That is normal, but please, PLEASE, do not talk to him if he calls. ((((HUGS))))
Major kudos to you for being strong and doing what needs to be done to protect yourself and your child. I know this is a very scary time for you. I hope he doesn't bother you anymore. At the same time, I realize your concern for him. That is normal, but please, PLEASE, do not talk to him if he calls. ((((HUGS))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
Hi Suki! He luckily does not have any keys to our place anymore. So, grateful I do not have to changed the locks. I promise not to answer any of his calls. I like how the police department included morse code, pigeons, smoke signals, etc to the list just to stress the seriousness. They probably see victims become re-victimized by enabling contact. On a side note, of course the neighbors want to slam their front door constantly tonight. I'm jumping all over the place. 
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
I like how the police department included morse code, pigeons, smoke signals, etc to the list just to stress the seriousness.
On a side note, of course the neighbors want to slam their front door constantly tonight. I'm jumping all over the place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
Hi Renarde, thank you for asking. I am trying my best to stay strong. Today was a bit difficult as I had to go to my in-laws for Thanksgiving, and I could feel a big void the entire time. Kinda emotional. AH is still in jail according to roster today. I just wish I had more answers on when he is getting out. So, I don't feel so on edge. I hope your doing well!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
