So What Do You Make of This?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
So What Do You Make of This?
I met a wonderful woman today! I felt like I felt when I first met you! You do know that I still love you, don't you?
Fled from my then alcoholic porn addicted husband of 20 years, now about 16months ago. Filed for divorce immediately, he was outrageously difficult, it became final a year later, June 2013. Trying my d%mndest to recover, move on, get financially self sufficient at 63. Bought a house, fixing it up, love my new town, some new friends, new art. Done a huge amount, healed a huge amount, lots left to do. Am contented most of the time.
XAH has significantly moderated his drinking, for real. He has changed his behavior, and, having seen him 10 days ago at the closing where he bought me out of our joint house, he is truly penitent at his behavior with me. He wanted me back. Again. I said "no". Again.
But I'm lonely, self-doubting. Need to kick-start that near gear-up into my next edition. Winter is coming, very chill here, winds roaring and shaking the windows. The darkness comes early these days. Feels like my mood. Trying to stave off depression that wants to roar in like the wind in the dark.
I can't seem to get over that e-mail. I can't fathom how to take it. I know the simple Alanon answer is "no contact", why did you read that d%amn thing anyway, all the party line stuff. I've been telling myself that for 24 hours. Yet I woke up this morning and my eyes felt like I'd been crying in my sleep.
Please help. I guess I need to be comforted and reminded of my own self worth. Can't seem to get there and hold it on my own.
Got a 3 minute inspirational movie to share for times like this:
Finish Strong Movie (Mobile)
I may have to wear out the link until I get this again. D%mned thing to see myself here again. Sometimes I think time just loops back and re-crosses the past, and it feels just like it did then, as intense, as real, as raw as the first time. Got to get on my path again.
ShootingStar1
Fled from my then alcoholic porn addicted husband of 20 years, now about 16months ago. Filed for divorce immediately, he was outrageously difficult, it became final a year later, June 2013. Trying my d%mndest to recover, move on, get financially self sufficient at 63. Bought a house, fixing it up, love my new town, some new friends, new art. Done a huge amount, healed a huge amount, lots left to do. Am contented most of the time.
XAH has significantly moderated his drinking, for real. He has changed his behavior, and, having seen him 10 days ago at the closing where he bought me out of our joint house, he is truly penitent at his behavior with me. He wanted me back. Again. I said "no". Again.
But I'm lonely, self-doubting. Need to kick-start that near gear-up into my next edition. Winter is coming, very chill here, winds roaring and shaking the windows. The darkness comes early these days. Feels like my mood. Trying to stave off depression that wants to roar in like the wind in the dark.
I can't seem to get over that e-mail. I can't fathom how to take it. I know the simple Alanon answer is "no contact", why did you read that d%amn thing anyway, all the party line stuff. I've been telling myself that for 24 hours. Yet I woke up this morning and my eyes felt like I'd been crying in my sleep.
Please help. I guess I need to be comforted and reminded of my own self worth. Can't seem to get there and hold it on my own.
Got a 3 minute inspirational movie to share for times like this:
Finish Strong Movie (Mobile)
I may have to wear out the link until I get this again. D%mned thing to see myself here again. Sometimes I think time just loops back and re-crosses the past, and it feels just like it did then, as intense, as real, as raw as the first time. Got to get on my path again.
ShootingStar1
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by ShootingStar1 
I know the simple Alanon answer is "no contact", why did you read that d%amn thing anyway, all the party line stuff.
Have to tell you . . . . That is NOT the Alanon that I know.
Sounds more like the Alanon of Pop Psych T land that wanders in on muddy feet.
I've been telling myself that for 24 hours. Yet I woke up this morning and my eyes felt like I'd been crying in my sleep.
Not a wise fight to be in.
And even worse place to fight it.
Please help. I guess I need to be comforted and reminded of my own self worth. Can't seem to get there and hold it on my own.
Again. No Alanon that I recognize.
Here is what I see and hear in all matters Great and Small from Alanon . . . .
Step Eleven: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
As far as him . . . . and yes, no, otherwise.
IF he were Working The Program and YOU were Working The Program . . . maybe so. IF Not . . . maybe not.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Hugs Shooting Star!!
It's grief. That's the nature of it. Cycling back, moving forward, feeling lime we're back at square one. It also frustrating. Grief sucks....it's ok if you were crying in your sleep. Let it out. Feeling it helps you get through it.
It's grief. That's the nature of it. Cycling back, moving forward, feeling lime we're back at square one. It also frustrating. Grief sucks....it's ok if you were crying in your sleep. Let it out. Feeling it helps you get through it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
ShootingStar----He is just shooting you some NARCISSISTIC BLATHER!
You don't tell someone that you truly "love" that you just met someone else!!!!!!!!!!! Esp. when you know how much you have already made them suffer on the same account!
NO COMPASSION;NO REMORSE;NO GUILT (SOCIOPATHIC?).
Dearest ShootingStar--I agree, it is just a wave of grief--it will pass, thankfully.
Get back to your head and out of your heart on this one. (said with compassion and caring)
dandylion
You don't tell someone that you truly "love" that you just met someone else!!!!!!!!!!! Esp. when you know how much you have already made them suffer on the same account!
NO COMPASSION;NO REMORSE;NO GUILT (SOCIOPATHIC?).
Dearest ShootingStar--I agree, it is just a wave of grief--it will pass, thankfully.
Get back to your head and out of your heart on this one. (said with compassion and caring)
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
I met a wonderful woman today! I felt like I felt when I first met you! You do know that I still love you, don't you?
What an ass. So ask yourself, why, after all he has put you through, all the hurt and chaos he has put in your life, after all the gaslighting, blame shifting, denial, and out and viciousness would he write this to you.
My guess, he is not done, he is not finished hurting you and if he had his way he would finish you off and good. He is a sick , sick, sick man. BPD coupled with NPD.
Honey bunny, you do not need it, he is trying to get to you, trying to make you jealous, or angry, or crazy, or worse trying to get you back, trying to get you to engage, trying to get you to come back, do not bite, delete delete delete.
If he had changed, if he truly cared about you, if he was brave and fearless and nice, he would leave you alone, he would be working his own recovery, he would be looking at who he has been and he would be trying to figure out who he wants to be.
Keep going, make your new house a comfy cozy peaceful place , you can not go back, not after all the hurt you have endured, you are healing, and you will be happy and you will fing peace.
I admire you and I respect you, let go , breath, be good to yourself, do not question yourself, you are exactly where you need to be. Stand strong, don't ever let anyone weaken you again
Sending you love and peace , Katie xo
What an ass. So ask yourself, why, after all he has put you through, all the hurt and chaos he has put in your life, after all the gaslighting, blame shifting, denial, and out and viciousness would he write this to you.
My guess, he is not done, he is not finished hurting you and if he had his way he would finish you off and good. He is a sick , sick, sick man. BPD coupled with NPD.
Honey bunny, you do not need it, he is trying to get to you, trying to make you jealous, or angry, or crazy, or worse trying to get you back, trying to get you to engage, trying to get you to come back, do not bite, delete delete delete.
If he had changed, if he truly cared about you, if he was brave and fearless and nice, he would leave you alone, he would be working his own recovery, he would be looking at who he has been and he would be trying to figure out who he wants to be.
Keep going, make your new house a comfy cozy peaceful place , you can not go back, not after all the hurt you have endured, you are healing, and you will be happy and you will fing peace.
I admire you and I respect you, let go , breath, be good to yourself, do not question yourself, you are exactly where you need to be. Stand strong, don't ever let anyone weaken you again
Sending you love and peace , Katie xo
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
He,s playing with your head because he knows you are moving on. He wants you back,he,s desperate and will try anything.
Originally Posted by ShootingStar1
I met a wonderful woman today! I felt like I felt when I first met you! You do know that I still love you, don't you?
Fled from my then alcoholic porn addicted husband of 20 years, now about 16months ago. Filed for divorce immediately, he was outrageously difficult, it became final a year later, June 2013. Trying my d%mndest to recover, move on, get financially self sufficient at 63. Bought a house, fixing it up, love my new town, some new friends, new art. Done a huge amount, healed a huge amount, lots left to do. Am contented most of the time.
XAH has significantly moderated his drinking, for real. He has changed his behavior, and, having seen him 10 days ago at the closing where he bought me out of our joint house, he is truly penitent at his behavior with me. He wanted me back. Again. I said "no". Again.
But I'm lonely, self-doubting. Need to kick-start that near gear-up into my next edition. Winter is coming, very chill here, winds roaring and shaking the windows. The darkness comes early these days. Feels like my mood. Trying to stave off depression that wants to roar in like the wind in the dark.
I can't seem to get over that e-mail. I can't fathom how to take it. I know the simple Alanon answer is "no contact", why did you read that d%amn thing anyway, all the party line stuff. I've been telling myself that for 24 hours. Yet I woke up this morning and my eyes felt like I'd been crying in my sleep.
Please help. I guess I need to be comforted and reminded of my own self worth. Can't seem to get there and hold it on my own.
Got a 3 minute inspirational movie to share for times like this:
Finish Strong Movie (Mobile)
I may have to wear out the link until I get this again. D%mned thing to see myself here again. Sometimes I think time just loops back and re-crosses the past, and it feels just like it did then, as intense, as real, as raw as the first time. Got to get on my path again.
ShootingStar1
Fled from my then alcoholic porn addicted husband of 20 years, now about 16months ago. Filed for divorce immediately, he was outrageously difficult, it became final a year later, June 2013. Trying my d%mndest to recover, move on, get financially self sufficient at 63. Bought a house, fixing it up, love my new town, some new friends, new art. Done a huge amount, healed a huge amount, lots left to do. Am contented most of the time.
XAH has significantly moderated his drinking, for real. He has changed his behavior, and, having seen him 10 days ago at the closing where he bought me out of our joint house, he is truly penitent at his behavior with me. He wanted me back. Again. I said "no". Again.
But I'm lonely, self-doubting. Need to kick-start that near gear-up into my next edition. Winter is coming, very chill here, winds roaring and shaking the windows. The darkness comes early these days. Feels like my mood. Trying to stave off depression that wants to roar in like the wind in the dark.
I can't seem to get over that e-mail. I can't fathom how to take it. I know the simple Alanon answer is "no contact", why did you read that d%amn thing anyway, all the party line stuff. I've been telling myself that for 24 hours. Yet I woke up this morning and my eyes felt like I'd been crying in my sleep.
Please help. I guess I need to be comforted and reminded of my own self worth. Can't seem to get there and hold it on my own.
Got a 3 minute inspirational movie to share for times like this:
Finish Strong Movie (Mobile)
I may have to wear out the link until I get this again. D%mned thing to see myself here again. Sometimes I think time just loops back and re-crosses the past, and it feels just like it did then, as intense, as real, as raw as the first time. Got to get on my path again.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
I met a wonderful woman today! I felt like I felt when I first met you! You do know that I still love you, don't you?
Also, unless he sent a picture of himself with his new "girlfriend" (and even then there could be photoshop tricks), it may well be a lie.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
having seen him 10 days ago at the closing where he bought me out of our joint house, he is truly penitent at his behavior with me. He wanted me back. Again. I said "no". Again.
it's possible that you gained some sense of self worth when he would do the above. penitent, pleading, wanting you back.
and you get to say NO.
now this email.....which does at least have the ring of a really poorly delivered compliment, says he met some other woman and she "made" him feel like you "made" him feel way back when. maybe it just meant he met some other woman, with no further connection to it, and she reminded him of you. but regardless, instead of him at your feet begging, his attention went elsewhere.
and it feels like rejection.
i'm just saying MAYBE that is some of the dynamic. and maybe you have to work on detaching your self worth from what he does. or how he acts towards you, that coming back asking thing.
breakups are tough. you guys clocked in twenty years, 2 decades together. that left an imprint upon you. changed you. you are fighting hard to build a new beautiful life.
maybe, you just don't need to see or talk to him anymore?
it's possible that you gained some sense of self worth when he would do the above. penitent, pleading, wanting you back.
and you get to say NO.
now this email.....which does at least have the ring of a really poorly delivered compliment, says he met some other woman and she "made" him feel like you "made" him feel way back when. maybe it just meant he met some other woman, with no further connection to it, and she reminded him of you. but regardless, instead of him at your feet begging, his attention went elsewhere.
and it feels like rejection.
i'm just saying MAYBE that is some of the dynamic. and maybe you have to work on detaching your self worth from what he does. or how he acts towards you, that coming back asking thing.
breakups are tough. you guys clocked in twenty years, 2 decades together. that left an imprint upon you. changed you. you are fighting hard to build a new beautiful life.
maybe, you just don't need to see or talk to him anymore?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
Sweetness....I feel for you. I remember winter creeping in. How I could not get out of bed...and when I did, I could flee the house but I could not bare the drive home to a house that was empty. Snd thise nights,,,,,The nights where soooo long.
I have been there and I know your pain.
Now..al alon, as far as I know does not say No Contact.
However that was a program that I did stick with. I knew I could not have any contact what so ever with this man. None. I would sit alone praying that the phone would not ring...I blocked his number but thought he might use a friends. I put his emails unread into a folder. I took every thing he had ever given me and every photo we had taken together into a box and taped it closed. Lots and lots and lots of tape. To this day..15 years later, I have not opened it. I just could not take the risk of falling back in with this handsome, charming, (to everyone else), fun (to everyone else) charismatic, narcissist back into my life. I don't know your story or your history, but I do know your pain. It's awful and I just what you to know that I feel you and I feel for you and I made it out the other side and I am convinced that you will too. Art? You must be surrounded by a fabulous art community? Yes? Go...submerge yourself in your art and those who share your passion. It is all I can offer along with many good thoughts.
I have been there and I know your pain.
Now..al alon, as far as I know does not say No Contact.
However that was a program that I did stick with. I knew I could not have any contact what so ever with this man. None. I would sit alone praying that the phone would not ring...I blocked his number but thought he might use a friends. I put his emails unread into a folder. I took every thing he had ever given me and every photo we had taken together into a box and taped it closed. Lots and lots and lots of tape. To this day..15 years later, I have not opened it. I just could not take the risk of falling back in with this handsome, charming, (to everyone else), fun (to everyone else) charismatic, narcissist back into my life. I don't know your story or your history, but I do know your pain. It's awful and I just what you to know that I feel you and I feel for you and I made it out the other side and I am convinced that you will too. Art? You must be surrounded by a fabulous art community? Yes? Go...submerge yourself in your art and those who share your passion. It is all I can offer along with many good thoughts.
sadlady
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: il
Posts: 85
Grief work no matter what type is 3 steps forward, 1 step back.
Dont ever think of self doubt for you. As someone mentioned that 20 years together does have an inprint on you. I spent over 2 years with my abf and i am ashamed of my attachment and love for him. It is hard work , but walk tall and strong ahead. No matter how it is written here is your support. How smart are we to seek support while the xah , maybe has NPD is probably not doing much for his SOUL.
GOD bless you.
Dont ever think of self doubt for you. As someone mentioned that 20 years together does have an inprint on you. I spent over 2 years with my abf and i am ashamed of my attachment and love for him. It is hard work , but walk tall and strong ahead. No matter how it is written here is your support. How smart are we to seek support while the xah , maybe has NPD is probably not doing much for his SOUL.
GOD bless you.
sadlady
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: il
Posts: 85
I am my worst critic and self judger and I do not judge anyone. But i have learned from this site, to seek help, recognize grief and finds ways to deal with the pain. I think my abf or almost xabf has a tendency of a NPD, he is charismatic, smart , handsome and he knows he. He lights up a room walking into it and i have learned to know that we all shine in our own way . NPD is a very strong personality and really has no reflection on us or our weaknesses.
Stay strong... I am grieving too. Went to a church concert and thought i would cry the entire time. Then i realized i didnt have any tissues, so had to keep it in check. Then i went to a yoga class where i thought id lose it again, kept working it thru, until i was able ti breathe. Such was my day today!
Stay strong... I am grieving too. Went to a church concert and thought i would cry the entire time. Then i realized i didnt have any tissues, so had to keep it in check. Then i went to a yoga class where i thought id lose it again, kept working it thru, until i was able ti breathe. Such was my day today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
why, after all he has put you through, all the hurt and chaos he has put in your life, after all the gaslighting, blame shifting, denial, and out and viciousness would he write this to you.
My guess, he is not done, he is not finished hurting you and if he had his way he would finish you off and good. He is a sick , sick, sick man. BPD coupled with NPD.
KatieKate, you've been here with me and for me since the beginning. I think he thinks I have moved on, that I don't feel anything about him anymore. That I will be glad, since I didn't want him, that he gets what he "needs" in his mind - another woman.
I know he is a narcissist, but I never thought of him as borderline. I'll have to compute that. He draws me back, he makes me remember the good times, which were many, and in the approaching winter, when I feel lonely and vulnerable, especially at the holidays which, Thanksgiving in particular, have reverberations from past family of origin abandonment, it is very hard not to succumb to the patterns of grief.
You don't tell someone that you truly "love" that you just met someone else!!!!!!!!!!! Esp. when you know how much you have already made them suffer on the same account!
NO COMPASSION;NO REMORSE;NO GUILT (SOCIOPATHIC?).
Dandylion, you called it. This was what I was trying to put my finger on. His disconnect between saying he loves me, and writing something that to any normal person would be bound to hurt them deeply.
It is a tough time for me right now.
My mother, psychotic, and abusive, died 2 months ago at 96 having disowned me. My brother, a dry alcoholic, colluded with her to divert money from a Trust that my father left for me. Have to see the lawyer tomorrow, there are legal things I have to do, but I have found a good tough lawyer and turned it over to him, just not going there myself. I found out that my brother convinced both sides of my family of origin that I treated my mother badly and stole money and all sorts of outrageous nonsense. But they were all part of a generational web of addiction and denial and blame, and I left them behind because they caused so much pain. That these people who knew me and loved me in my childhood believed my brother (and never asked my side of the story) is just another blow. No wonder my XH as an alcoholic and narcissist, seemed so familiar to me.
It is a difficult time because having left my husband and being free of his porn addiction, and now with my mother's death, the memories of the abuse I suffered at my father's hands as a child are surfacing in visceral body knowledge and that is very painful. It wakes me up and disturbs my sleep.
This is all ultimately freeing, and I will go through it wholly and fully so that I can be free. But it is hard. Some days I feel so very old and worn out. But other days I feel free with energy and joy. I feel vulnerable like a snake in the process of shedding its skin, with nothing to protect me, all exposed right now.
now this email.....which does at least have the ring of a really poorly delivered compliment, says he met some other woman and she "made" him feel like you "made" him feel way back when. maybe it just meant he met some other woman, with no further connection to it, and she reminded him of you. but regardless, instead of him at your feet begging, his attention went elsewhere.
and it feels like rejection.
i'm just saying MAYBE that is some of the dynamic. and maybe you have to work on detaching your self worth from what he does. or how he acts towards you, that coming back asking thing.
Anvilhead, thank you for this. I do believe that he means it as a compliment, and that he does realize the loss he has endured because of his behavior. I don't think he has any idea of how I have suffered; it is not within his capacity to empathize to that level.
You are right. My self worth has taken lots of blows recently, and while I have at times felt as whole and free as I have ever felt in my life, I also have these valleys of self doubt.
Thank you guys for being here for me. It helps a lot to be able to write to you who have been there, who are with me and for me.
ShootingStar1
My guess, he is not done, he is not finished hurting you and if he had his way he would finish you off and good. He is a sick , sick, sick man. BPD coupled with NPD.
KatieKate, you've been here with me and for me since the beginning. I think he thinks I have moved on, that I don't feel anything about him anymore. That I will be glad, since I didn't want him, that he gets what he "needs" in his mind - another woman.
I know he is a narcissist, but I never thought of him as borderline. I'll have to compute that. He draws me back, he makes me remember the good times, which were many, and in the approaching winter, when I feel lonely and vulnerable, especially at the holidays which, Thanksgiving in particular, have reverberations from past family of origin abandonment, it is very hard not to succumb to the patterns of grief.
You don't tell someone that you truly "love" that you just met someone else!!!!!!!!!!! Esp. when you know how much you have already made them suffer on the same account!
NO COMPASSION;NO REMORSE;NO GUILT (SOCIOPATHIC?).
Dandylion, you called it. This was what I was trying to put my finger on. His disconnect between saying he loves me, and writing something that to any normal person would be bound to hurt them deeply.
It is a tough time for me right now.
My mother, psychotic, and abusive, died 2 months ago at 96 having disowned me. My brother, a dry alcoholic, colluded with her to divert money from a Trust that my father left for me. Have to see the lawyer tomorrow, there are legal things I have to do, but I have found a good tough lawyer and turned it over to him, just not going there myself. I found out that my brother convinced both sides of my family of origin that I treated my mother badly and stole money and all sorts of outrageous nonsense. But they were all part of a generational web of addiction and denial and blame, and I left them behind because they caused so much pain. That these people who knew me and loved me in my childhood believed my brother (and never asked my side of the story) is just another blow. No wonder my XH as an alcoholic and narcissist, seemed so familiar to me.
It is a difficult time because having left my husband and being free of his porn addiction, and now with my mother's death, the memories of the abuse I suffered at my father's hands as a child are surfacing in visceral body knowledge and that is very painful. It wakes me up and disturbs my sleep.
This is all ultimately freeing, and I will go through it wholly and fully so that I can be free. But it is hard. Some days I feel so very old and worn out. But other days I feel free with energy and joy. I feel vulnerable like a snake in the process of shedding its skin, with nothing to protect me, all exposed right now.
now this email.....which does at least have the ring of a really poorly delivered compliment, says he met some other woman and she "made" him feel like you "made" him feel way back when. maybe it just meant he met some other woman, with no further connection to it, and she reminded him of you. but regardless, instead of him at your feet begging, his attention went elsewhere.
and it feels like rejection.
i'm just saying MAYBE that is some of the dynamic. and maybe you have to work on detaching your self worth from what he does. or how he acts towards you, that coming back asking thing.
Anvilhead, thank you for this. I do believe that he means it as a compliment, and that he does realize the loss he has endured because of his behavior. I don't think he has any idea of how I have suffered; it is not within his capacity to empathize to that level.
You are right. My self worth has taken lots of blows recently, and while I have at times felt as whole and free as I have ever felt in my life, I also have these valleys of self doubt.
Thank you guys for being here for me. It helps a lot to be able to write to you who have been there, who are with me and for me.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
Oh Shooting Star you are so special and such an inspiration. If your Ex husband was TRULY sorry he wouldn't be sending emails like this - he would accept the hurt and pain he has caused you and LET YOU MOVE ON. This is psychological torture! I don't think anyone completely is 'good' or 'bad' and you must have had very good times with him too but he sounds very very manipulative and clever. He reminds me of my AH so much at times.
Take care - you have come so far! It is natural to mourn. We all want a significant 'other' and it is natural to feel lonely at times.
Wishing you every happiness.
x
Take care - you have come so far! It is natural to mourn. We all want a significant 'other' and it is natural to feel lonely at times.
Wishing you every happiness.
x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Shooting Star, ((((Hugs)))). You have been such an inspiration to me, and I'm so sorry to see you going thru this after all you've already been thru. I understand totally about the wind and the cold and the darkness....
There is no way I could offer even a fraction of the wisdom of those who've posted here already; so honored to be able to read it and try to take some of it in myself. I'm so glad we have this community that pulls together to help each other like this! Truly brings tears to my eyes...
Again, Shooting Star, my thoughts are with you. I'm going out to light the oil lamp we burn when someone we know needs help. When it's cold and dark tonight, think of a little flame burning here in Wisconsin w/thoughts of warmth for you.
There is no way I could offer even a fraction of the wisdom of those who've posted here already; so honored to be able to read it and try to take some of it in myself. I'm so glad we have this community that pulls together to help each other like this! Truly brings tears to my eyes...
Again, Shooting Star, my thoughts are with you. I'm going out to light the oil lamp we burn when someone we know needs help. When it's cold and dark tonight, think of a little flame burning here in Wisconsin w/thoughts of warmth for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Shooting Star- So you have the understandable grief that comes with having a marriage of 20 yrs end, he sends you an insane narcissistic line about meeting someone else but hey I love you too you know, you're dealing with the life long pain of a crazy mother who hurt you a lot and who just recently died-- all in all you're dealing with a LOT. I would be more concerned if you were saying you were great and none of this bothered you.
It doesn't make the hurt any less, but maybe knowing it's okay to be hurting and that you probably should be considering all that's going on, helps a little?
I know when I give myself permission to be upset and recognize that there is a good reason to be feeling down, that takes a lot of the power of that feeling down to bring and keep me down, off of me....
Does that make any sense?
I'm really sorry your ex is an insensitive ass and that your brother and mother colluded right to the very end to exclude and hurt you. My heart goes out to you.
It doesn't make the hurt any less, but maybe knowing it's okay to be hurting and that you probably should be considering all that's going on, helps a little?
I know when I give myself permission to be upset and recognize that there is a good reason to be feeling down, that takes a lot of the power of that feeling down to bring and keep me down, off of me....
Does that make any sense?
I'm really sorry your ex is an insensitive ass and that your brother and mother colluded right to the very end to exclude and hurt you. My heart goes out to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I see an idiot trying to lure you back in...and not even smart enough to realize that is going to pi** off a normal human being. It should be a reminder to you of what he is. He is a narcissist I agree w/ wanttobehealthy above.
You are off the crazy train, he is clearly still a passenger! Can you block his emails, texts, any communication? I find that would be a simple solution for alot of folks on here, but I understand it is hard to do and not always even possible if there are children involved.
That being said, get support for you. Seasonal depression is a serious thing for alot of people. Don't suffer with it. Go seek help, counseling, medication, meetings, any or all of the above. Look back at your progress, look how far you have come. To disentangle yourself from that mess after all of these years is huge. You should be proud of YOU!
Hugs and Many Blessings!
You are off the crazy train, he is clearly still a passenger! Can you block his emails, texts, any communication? I find that would be a simple solution for alot of folks on here, but I understand it is hard to do and not always even possible if there are children involved.
That being said, get support for you. Seasonal depression is a serious thing for alot of people. Don't suffer with it. Go seek help, counseling, medication, meetings, any or all of the above. Look back at your progress, look how far you have come. To disentangle yourself from that mess after all of these years is huge. You should be proud of YOU!
Hugs and Many Blessings!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
ShootingStar, I wish you could see your strength & growth the way I see if from this side of the keyboard. Watching you go through this process of your recovery has been nothing short of incredible.... you've tackled it in leaps & bounds.
Your story always sticks with me because your XAH seems like such an extreme personality to battle with, your eloquence with speech is so keen that I have to remind myself this is FACT, not fiction, that you are expressing. Perhaps it would be therapeutic for you to go back & re-read some of your early posts & see how far you've come since then? (I know this helps me at times)
Sending you lots of hugs & prayers today!!!
Your story always sticks with me because your XAH seems like such an extreme personality to battle with, your eloquence with speech is so keen that I have to remind myself this is FACT, not fiction, that you are expressing. Perhaps it would be therapeutic for you to go back & re-read some of your early posts & see how far you've come since then? (I know this helps me at times)
Sending you lots of hugs & prayers today!!!
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