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Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
You are very wise not to bring children into it. At least you are thinking of it. Mine are 5 and 19 months and I am just now realizing how deep in denial I was 5 years ago. My heart aches sometimes when I think about the life I am giving my girls. Had I known what I know today - I may have made different choices. I just pray that the worst is over (home from rehab early November - 1st time) for their sake at least.
I can relate to alot of what you are saying, my RA sounds very similiar to yours, but maybe a little worse. No DUI's (yet)- Rarely missed work (yet), didn't go out and disappear for days, (yet) but I cannot even begin to describe the damage he caused with his drinking. That doesn't even mattter right now. What I call tell you for sure, at least for me, was I sounded just like you thinking I could help and assist and be supportive and suggest and all. I am very resentful about that now - among other things. And it got worse over the years --much worse.
I really thought I could help. There were times I thought it really wasn't "that bad" and there were many times I believed him when he said he was either going to stop or cut down. There were times he admitted he had a problem and times that he denied it and fought with me terribly about it.
I've been in hell and I have two little girls. My husband has been sober and is trying to rebuild -but we will see. Good luck
I can relate to alot of what you are saying, my RA sounds very similiar to yours, but maybe a little worse. No DUI's (yet)- Rarely missed work (yet), didn't go out and disappear for days, (yet) but I cannot even begin to describe the damage he caused with his drinking. That doesn't even mattter right now. What I call tell you for sure, at least for me, was I sounded just like you thinking I could help and assist and be supportive and suggest and all. I am very resentful about that now - among other things. And it got worse over the years --much worse.
I really thought I could help. There were times I thought it really wasn't "that bad" and there were many times I believed him when he said he was either going to stop or cut down. There were times he admitted he had a problem and times that he denied it and fought with me terribly about it.
I've been in hell and I have two little girls. My husband has been sober and is trying to rebuild -but we will see. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Welcome, Karen. Sounds like we are in similar situation - I'm married, 35, no kids...but want them. RAH is now 6 months into recovery from a relapse that lasted 18 months after 17 years of sobriety.
From what you describe, you are trying to control his drinking. One of the first things I learned was the three c's - you did not Cause it, you cannot Control it, you cannot Cure it. Learn about alcoholism, read the stickies, try six AlAnon meetings, read Codependent No More. Keep reading & posting.
I was blindsided when RAH relapsed. I had no idea what was happening but he was not behaving like the person I married. I sought the help of a counselor with addictions experience (Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor), got educated about Alcoholism, started AlAnon, and started to focus on myself. I learned about setting boundaries & detachment. I grieved the loss of my marriage as I knew it. While I would never wish this situation on anyone, I am a stronger person now than I was a year ago. I also know better what I want out of my life and what I will accept from the others in my life. RAH are working on our relationship...more will be revealed.
From what you describe, you are trying to control his drinking. One of the first things I learned was the three c's - you did not Cause it, you cannot Control it, you cannot Cure it. Learn about alcoholism, read the stickies, try six AlAnon meetings, read Codependent No More. Keep reading & posting.
I was blindsided when RAH relapsed. I had no idea what was happening but he was not behaving like the person I married. I sought the help of a counselor with addictions experience (Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor), got educated about Alcoholism, started AlAnon, and started to focus on myself. I learned about setting boundaries & detachment. I grieved the loss of my marriage as I knew it. While I would never wish this situation on anyone, I am a stronger person now than I was a year ago. I also know better what I want out of my life and what I will accept from the others in my life. RAH are working on our relationship...more will be revealed.
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