I'm ok........ finally
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 30
I'm ok........ finally
I haven't posted for ages, but I would just like to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel for those of you who are struggling.
I left my ABF time and again over 5 years and then we got back together and stayed together for another 4 years - I even let him move in with me. For the last three years however he has been sober but miserable. Meanwhile I have been for some intensive therapy which has sorted issues out for me which I've been struggling with since childhood, around abandonment ( I was orphaned when only 10 years old). I have realised that my desperate need to stay with him was probably more based on my terror of being alone than anything else, although at the time I thought it was because I loved and missed him.
I still love him, I probably always will do, but I no longer need or even want to be with him. He moved out - mutual choice and he has gone straight back to drinking. I feel sad for him now and possibly a bit guilty that he is poorly with nobody to look after him, but this does not make me want to sort things out for him. When I listen to him now, I wonder how on earth I put up with it all for so long.
I am enjoying time alone (never thought it could happen) doing what I want, when I want, without considering anybody else and it is a wonderful feeling. I have realised how tired he has made me and how much I need to be the important one for a time.
I know that difficult times are ahead with him, as although I feel quite detached, he hasn't yet realised that I have changed and that all his bleating has little impact on me, I see it for what it is. I am scared that he may try to hurt himself, however I know that I am not responsible, never was and never can be, but will still need to work on staying strong. I know that I will cope, as I am worth so much more than running myself ragged for somebody who doesn't want to be well.
I feel strong and stable and like I am in charge of my own life. I don't have any desire to find another partner for now and the peace and calm I feel when I come home is so much easier than the walking on egg shells I have been doing each time I walked through the door - I am finally content and it is not dependent on another person.
For all of you who are still in the struggle, stay strong and work on you - it is so liberating. I never thought I could come out the other side, but I know I'm ok and will stay ok, whatever life throws at me. You have to be strong to stay in a relationship with an alcoholic, but I think you have to be stronger to walk away, but you can do it.
Thank you to everyone on here who has helped me when I have needed your support. I guess you are the only ones who have even the slightest inkling of what we go through ourselves as we watch the utter destruction of loved ones with alcohol. Take care x
I left my ABF time and again over 5 years and then we got back together and stayed together for another 4 years - I even let him move in with me. For the last three years however he has been sober but miserable. Meanwhile I have been for some intensive therapy which has sorted issues out for me which I've been struggling with since childhood, around abandonment ( I was orphaned when only 10 years old). I have realised that my desperate need to stay with him was probably more based on my terror of being alone than anything else, although at the time I thought it was because I loved and missed him.
I still love him, I probably always will do, but I no longer need or even want to be with him. He moved out - mutual choice and he has gone straight back to drinking. I feel sad for him now and possibly a bit guilty that he is poorly with nobody to look after him, but this does not make me want to sort things out for him. When I listen to him now, I wonder how on earth I put up with it all for so long.
I am enjoying time alone (never thought it could happen) doing what I want, when I want, without considering anybody else and it is a wonderful feeling. I have realised how tired he has made me and how much I need to be the important one for a time.
I know that difficult times are ahead with him, as although I feel quite detached, he hasn't yet realised that I have changed and that all his bleating has little impact on me, I see it for what it is. I am scared that he may try to hurt himself, however I know that I am not responsible, never was and never can be, but will still need to work on staying strong. I know that I will cope, as I am worth so much more than running myself ragged for somebody who doesn't want to be well.
I feel strong and stable and like I am in charge of my own life. I don't have any desire to find another partner for now and the peace and calm I feel when I come home is so much easier than the walking on egg shells I have been doing each time I walked through the door - I am finally content and it is not dependent on another person.
For all of you who are still in the struggle, stay strong and work on you - it is so liberating. I never thought I could come out the other side, but I know I'm ok and will stay ok, whatever life throws at me. You have to be strong to stay in a relationship with an alcoholic, but I think you have to be stronger to walk away, but you can do it.
Thank you to everyone on here who has helped me when I have needed your support. I guess you are the only ones who have even the slightest inkling of what we go through ourselves as we watch the utter destruction of loved ones with alcohol. Take care x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 182
Thanks Josie
Posts like yours help me get my ducks in a row for the big decision.
In fact I wish someone would gather all the posts from the healthy people who come back years later to say thank you and make them a stickie. I think they are a really really useful part of the board.
Good luck to you Josie.
Posts like yours help me get my ducks in a row for the big decision.
In fact I wish someone would gather all the posts from the healthy people who come back years later to say thank you and make them a stickie. I think they are a really really useful part of the board.
Good luck to you Josie.
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