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I rarely ever saw my AM drinking, but I still knew something was up. It wasn't even the alcohol at that age, it was the absent parent. She may not have been physically gone all the time (except on the weekends), but she was emotionally checked out. I remember one time someone asked me why my mom didn't come to football games to watch me cheer. I was 8 or 9 at the time. I said, "She goes to the bar on Saturdays." My grandmother was mortified and got so angry with me. She didn't think I knew what was going on. I've noticed the majority of parents who won't leave are truly oblivious and in denial of just how much damage you're doing to your kids by staying. |
Thankfully we will not be 50/50 or I don't know that I could do it. I understand where you are coming from, what you question yourself about and why you have those questions. One thing I don't bank on however is that if I leave he will decide to get sober. I actually think the opposite, that he may very well spiral out of control which is part of why I have not done it yet. Either way, I don't blame myself, I have enough time under my belt of going to meetings for codependency and eductation to know that. I just hope that my children see it the same way (with counseling that I know they will need and will receive).
Originally Posted by unsureoffuture
(Post 4328403)
My attorney says the same. It will be 50/50 since there are no arrests dui's etc. Virtually no proof. I live in a 50/50 custody state. That is why I haven't left yet too. My ADH drinks daily and secretly which is even worse because he hides it so we never know how much or when. It's tough and I waver back and forth, go or stay, what is better for the kids. What I have realized is if I stay nothing will change and there is no hope. If I leave, as tough as it is, at least there is hope that one day I will be living in a happy, peaceful and healthy household. He is not going to change with the way things are and I am not even sure he is able to change. At least if I leave there is a small smigeon of hope that it will be enough that he will decide to get sober. And I know that once the sadness and fog lifts, I can be happier. |
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