Almost bit my tongue
 

AH who was fired yesterday for not showing up or calling on Friday has been laying around the house recovering from his massive binge last night. Tells me had a seizure last night in bed. I looked at him with a "so?" Expression on my face. He says that I don't care and he is right. I don't. What am I going to do about it after the fact of a self inflicted medical issue? I said something snarky like "what am I supposed to say? Oh, honey, I am so sorry! Are you okay." Then I added don't drink and go to meetings.

He was pretty nasty after that. Get out of the room, I don't want to hear your voice for the rest of the night. Our five year old daughter told him not to talk to his wife like that.

Took our son to his dr. Appt. AH totally nicer when I get back. "We need to make a plan." But what made me almost bite my tongue was his comment "we're lucky you make such good money. For some reason I can't keep a job." I said nothing. Nothing at all. And I would have severed my tongue if I had bitten down on it.

I am only up to my eyeballs in debt because of my past drinking and his continuing drugging. Sigh.

Oh,and he just asked me in a snide voice when I last attended a meeting. Um, last night. I only didn't go because he has been eating like a glutton and watching television in the back room, emerging only for more food and to dirty even more dishes. And we don't have a dishwasher.

That is, I didn't go to a meeting tonight because he is dirtying all the dishes while emptying the refrigerator and not watching kids.

are you ready to separate and get the albatross off your neck?

Fandy, I am almost, just about there. My family and friends would be overjoyed. I would most likely be a lot happier or less stressed. There is some shred holding me back. I filed for divorce once before from him while separated but they couldn't serve him and then we reconciled while he was on an extended period of sobriety and I was still drinking.

I want to get a little more sober time under my belt. If I feel myself slipping back, he is out, sooner than later.

After your post, I almost drove over and bit his tongue off! Easy for me to say get rid of him, because I'm not you. Only you know the answers. I'm sorry you have to go through this, praying for you and your children.

Please understand that I am not trying to shame you in anyway because I know hard it is as well. But your posts about your children break my heart. They are being so emotionally abused. Please, for their sake......do what you know is best for them as soon as possible.

Hi Raider. Thanks! How are you doing? I am hanging in there.

Good Ruby. Thanks. Keep hanging GF!!!

Hi Ruby;
Maybe he needs a foot up his a$$ to get him off of the sofa / chair and helping you a bit.

You are amazing staying sober in the face of that. You will be so strong in sobriety that Superman couldn't knock you off the booze wagon.

When you make up your mind, that man better watch out.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself and kids and don't show him a thing emotionally. He lost that right long ago.

Lovemenow,

I know this and thanks. AH shocked us all the other night, not with the yelling because even sober and working a program he is very loud. Not even in anger. just loud. It was the table pounding that got me.
When he is on his game, he is a great dad. Even my father, who cannot stand AH, says so.

But if this continues, he is out.

Wonder if those dishes would fit in the duffel bag. You've still got that, right? Your daughter sounds like a little Amazon. Good for her.
Take care of yourself. I'm rooting for you.

Ladyscribbler thanks for the laugh first thing in the morning!

Doesn't sound like he is even close to any kind of recovery or on his games. Crack and/or alcohol abuse do not mix well with children!! I have yet to meet any active addict who has the ability to be a good parent.....High or not, until they seek some kind of recovery program.

I'm sad for your 5 yr old having to hear him talk to you like that. I have a 5 yr old too and she was privy to similar dynamics. Even if you're not ready to let go of him yourself, think about leaving or having him leave so that your 5 yr old doesn't have to be subjected to his crap anymore.

I cannot stress this enough. Get out, get out, GET OUT! I have been where you are and I hmm hawed to the point where he damn near put me in financial ruin.

It sounds like you are fully taking care of yourself financially, so please do. Do not let him suck you dry. I know this is easier said than done, but do yourself a favor and leave (or make him leave).

I would Make him leave. I own the house. In fact, I own almost everything in the house except his crappy car, his clothes and his capacious duffle bag.

I have made up my mind. I told my mother all of what has been happening lately and told her that I am not going to make any decisions before the holidays unless he goes into total meltdown. He has been sober two days now. I don't expect that to last but I might be pleasantly shocked. If after Christmas he is still not sticking with a program he will have to move out. The tax return will give me enough to give him some rent money even though I don't have to. However, it would be hurtful to the kids if their father was homeless.

Hi, Hon. Sorry things are so insane for you right now. I don't know your financial situation, would you and the kids need all of that tax money? If so, I say keep it. Jeez, I understand you must feel so torn. Is there any way at all that you and the kids could get away for a long weekend somewhere, somehow? Even stay at a friend or family members place just for a few days? If you could have just afew days away, with minimal or no working/stress...maybe a bit of distance will help clear your mind and bring everything into focus for you. Sometimes it can get so overwhelming that until you step back for a minute, you feel more confused than you actually are given a chance to breathe for a minute.

Where do you suspect he would go/what do you think he would do in general, should you separate? Do you worry about being harassed, worry for safety, worry that you will feel sorry for him, etc.