I've shut down.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Hi meggem...keep reading & posting...sounds like it helps.
I'm so glad you have an appointment coming up with a counselor & you should take advantage of the sessions with the IOP counselor too. Does your employer have an employee assistance program you could utilize? I found that when RAH was still drinking & just starting recovery (first few months), that I really, really needed someone else to talk everything over with and someone that could properly validate my feelings. My counselor helped me do that...then helped me learn how to honor each feeling & decipher what it was telling me & decided what to do with it (kind of like what FS mentioned she is doing now). I needed help with that & may be you do too.
Something else that really helped me get through the first few months was lowering my expectations. Expectations = (future) resentments. Initially, I tried to have NO expectations of RAH...that helped a lot because I did not get my hopes up, so I didn't feel destroyed when he didn't meet them. It also helped me to appreciate the positive things he did do.
Really, really, really make the effort to do something for yourself every day. For a while, I had a list of feel good activities for me on my bathroom mirror & I would mark each day what I did for myself - play piano, read a book, do something social with friends or family, etc. It really helped me to realize there is more to life than work & taking care of the house. It also helped me realize that there is more than RAH in my life...and I can enjoy all those other things even when things with RAH are not going well.
Big hugs, my friend!
I'm so glad you have an appointment coming up with a counselor & you should take advantage of the sessions with the IOP counselor too. Does your employer have an employee assistance program you could utilize? I found that when RAH was still drinking & just starting recovery (first few months), that I really, really needed someone else to talk everything over with and someone that could properly validate my feelings. My counselor helped me do that...then helped me learn how to honor each feeling & decipher what it was telling me & decided what to do with it (kind of like what FS mentioned she is doing now). I needed help with that & may be you do too.
Something else that really helped me get through the first few months was lowering my expectations. Expectations = (future) resentments. Initially, I tried to have NO expectations of RAH...that helped a lot because I did not get my hopes up, so I didn't feel destroyed when he didn't meet them. It also helped me to appreciate the positive things he did do.
Really, really, really make the effort to do something for yourself every day. For a while, I had a list of feel good activities for me on my bathroom mirror & I would mark each day what I did for myself - play piano, read a book, do something social with friends or family, etc. It really helped me to realize there is more to life than work & taking care of the house. It also helped me realize that there is more than RAH in my life...and I can enjoy all those other things even when things with RAH are not going well.
Big hugs, my friend!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
And Meg....you do give something back. Each time I am able to interact here with all of you it gives back to me at least. It helps me get through the day and helps me to know there are other people out there with me, supporting me back! So...Thank You! I've no idea how I would make it through without the support I get here!
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