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Old 05-25-2002, 01:42 PM
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JT
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Post Hey guys

Just wanted to let you all know that we are ok. I posted a bit of an update on MG's Ben and Jerry's post to me(what a hoot)and I don't want to go over it all again.

My GS went home this morning (he has been with us for the last several days)but not before I had a meltdown. I found myself frozen in fear for his future and I didn't want to let him go. My son makes poor choices with him (he has had him in a bar at nite) and I cannot bear the thought of him ever being afraid again. Just then his other gramma called (HP to the rescue)and I got to share some of my thoughts and then I felt a bit better and took him home. I can't tell her not to let my GS go with my son because I can't say I would stick with that. It depends on the situation. My H said (wisely) that myself and my GS's mother KNEW my son...and we learned the hard way to avoid being manipulated and she will learn too, but she will make mistakes and we can't judge her for that. She knows my son very well but I think she may be a very small bit unprepared for the level of manipulation she may face.

My son did not one time come to our home and spend the nite with his son...and I did offer. Last nite after the funeral he went to a friends.

Now that my GS is gone maybe I can take the time to break down and begin to grieve the loss of a young girl who was like a daughter to me..we were both a Cancer(2 days apart)and very much alike. For her age she was a very good mother and my GS got a very good start because of her. He has wonderful manners.

And I found out this week that in public bathrooms he lifts the seat with a piece of toilet paper in his hand and puts TP around the seat (3 pieces gramma) so an end is in the water and you don't have to touch it when you flush. Absolutely the son of a single mother...

Peace amid the storm,
JT

<small>[ May 25, 2002, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Just Tired ]</small>
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Old 05-25-2002, 02:50 PM
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Ann
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JT

You are one terrific lady and a super grandma too.
I'm sorry your son is struggling right now, but maybe all this will be a wake-up call. I have a little "please help the addict" part of my prayers every day, and he is in there (it's right after the "please help the addict's moms").

Take a break lady, you deserve it. Glad to have you back.

Hugs
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Old 05-25-2002, 03:18 PM
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JT and Ann -

I am sitting here at my computer (I am supposed to working, but visiting this site instead )and my eyes are full of tears. The tears are for a few reasons, first for you JT and for your GS and your son, I pray for you all.
And second, for my mom and all I put her through when I was using. I have by the grace of God managed to get almost 7 years sober, and don't get me wrong, I know what I did to her all my years of using and the unconditional love that she had for me. I also know what it felt like when she finally said "enough", which was the best thing she could have every done for herself and for me. Back to my point, the feelings that you women post are so honest and true, I wish that my mom would have had friends like all of you when I was active in my addiction.
I am not really sure what I am trying to say here so instead of rambling on and on let me just say, Thank you and I don't know any of you, but I love you.
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Old 05-25-2002, 03:23 PM
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Ann
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Pauline

Us moms are grateful you are here too. You give us strength just knowing that hwat we are doing is right...most of the time - we're not perfect either.

I hope our posts do not bring out any painful feelings for you. It is not the addict who causes us pain, it is the disease of addiction. And I know that disease has caused you a lot of pain too.

Thanks for being here.

Hugs
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Old 05-25-2002, 03:56 PM
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Now I'm smiling.
Thank you!
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Old 05-25-2002, 07:03 PM
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I've heard it said that our personalities are formed by the age of 5 years old. JT, it sounds to me that your GS will be just fine. What a great little guy. The toilet paper on the seat is so funny. Don't you guys have paper seat covers where you are from? Is that just a California thing?

Pauline, I'm sure that the only thing that mattered to your mother is your happiness. I can go through terrible pain worrying about my kids and it instantly goes away when I know they're ok. I don't even think of the things that my daughter put me through. Those things are over and done with and I smile because she is happy.

Hugs to you all,

MG
 
Old 05-25-2002, 10:12 PM
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JT,
What a rough week, and you handled it
with such grace. I am thankful your
grandson has you, and his other Gramma
too. I was reading somewhere that all it
takes is one strong presence in a child's
life to make all the difference. Amid
all the chaos and confusion, whether
my grandchildren's parents ever get it
together or not, they will always have
me-Gramma. We have to remember that the
disease is also very selfish.
Take care of JT,
Hugs,
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Old 05-26-2002, 04:11 AM
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JT
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MG,

You have said that you had to step in for the sake of your grandchildren to protect them from their parents...if I need to I want to have some knowledge...could you tell me more about that? Either PM or here...who would I call?

Pauline...you give me hope that some day my son will understand why I do what I do...what a wonderful post.

And thanks Ann..and Josie..believe it or not you were all with me this whole week...you didn't know it but I did.
JT

<small>[ May 26, 2002, 06:14 AM: Message edited by: Just Tired ]</small>
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Old 05-26-2002, 09:01 AM
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Morning Glory
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JT,
My suggestion would be to go to court and have someone get legal guardianship for your grandson. Your son is in no position right now to contest it because of his life situation.

This would give you and/or his other grandma the power to protect him. You could even try to set up monitored visitation for your son.

If something happens before you are able to do this, then you can call Child Protective Services.
That's what it is called in California. I'm not sure of the name in your state.

I was fortunate with my son because his mother was willing to have my help. I hid her and sent her a plane ticket out of state to be by her mother. Your situation is different.

Hugs,

MG

P.S. Oh my God, I just noticed your avatar picture. I am rolling on the floor

<small>[ May 26, 2002, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: Morning Glory ]</small>
 
Old 05-26-2002, 11:32 AM
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Morning Glory
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JT,

I found these pages. I didn't read the whole thing, but it sounded useful.

<a href="http://www.trauma-pages.com/perrylos.htm" target="_blank">http://www.trauma-pages.com/perrylos.htm</a>
<a href="http://www.trauma-pages.com/perrykid.htm" target="_blank">http://www.trauma-pages.com/perrykid.htm</a>
<a href="http://www.childtrauma.org/Principles2.htm" target="_blank">http://www.childtrauma.org/Principles2.htm</a>
 
Old 05-26-2002, 11:54 AM
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JT
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His other gramma will be legal guardian or else we can't even register him in school...or what if he got sick. We should do that soon...visitation is something I had not considered.

It is good that we are all reasonable people and will share his care...my biggest concern is that my GS not ever have to be afraid again.

I had my first ever panic attack when it was time to take him home.

When all calms down there will probably be a civil suit...she was working to get off this stuff...I found all this out later....her cloths were all grass stained so she may have passed out outside and been dragged in and her journal (which was always wth her) is missing..it could say alot. It is just so sad...I am okay today. he best day yet.

So you like my avatar... Thanks for the help making it smaller...I didn't want to post anymore with that big honker hanging around..but I was so attached to it....I wasn't ready to give it up.

Love
JT
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