getthere

Two weeks ago I split with my partner,following day he went into rehab.His brother has just phoned asking will I phone him in rehab from Monday,he is allowed calls then.He is texting numbers to me and times calls are allowed.
I told his brother that under no circumstances are we getting back together,that we are finished,and I am not going back to that life,he continued to say that EX is not a bad person and he has a disease etc.
I said I would think about the phone call,however I did not want to give him any false hope that we would get back together,this is first rehab,and I really believe he went into it thinking when he leaves after three months that everything will suddenly be ok..would you make the call?

FireSprite

Nope.

Dublin

You don't have to make a decision until you are ready. The timeline is not yours. He can receive calls from Monday and he has given you the number and the times. YOU can decide whenever you want, if and when you want to call. I would tell the brother you will think about it and do whatever feels right for you when it feels right for you. We constantly get pulled into their drama and their timelines, I like it when I am strong enough to go with my needs on my terms.

Just my tuppence worth. Hope all else is good with you.

CarryOn

No, I would not make the call. I have found that by accepting unacceptable behavior from RAH for so long, that the worst thing I can do is move my boundary to his will, to make him feel better, to avoid a confrontation, or whatever else. I can change my boundary if I want to as I change or as he proves that his sobriety can be trusted.

What are you going to get from calling him? Will it do anything to help your recovery? If not then there is no need to call. No action you take or do not take will determine his recovery.

hopeful4

No No No. I definitely would not. You have made this decision and you know what is right and wrong. I can hear with clarity that you don't want this. All he is going to do is try to talk you into taking him back. If you don't want him back (wise girl) what is the point. It is only going to upset you both honestly.

Wish I would have asked myself this before I took AH back from rehab...and now what a mess we are in 3 years later. Horrible. Worst mistake I ever made.

Good Luck!

SparkleKitty

You don't owe anyone anything. Your X's brother likely still thinks that other people can "help" him recover if they say the right thing, do the right thing, fill in the right form, check the right box...be true to yourself and do what is best for YOU. You will never regret it.

Yancy

I learned that first and foremost, take care of yourself. Take.Care.Of.Yourself. I hear from my three RAs(RAW, RAD, and RAS) that their program is a selfish program. I decided to apply that to myself. Works. And it is best for everybody. Take care of yourself.