So the cops just called
 

...to let me know that they are arresting RAH for a few charges including theft, grand theft of a firearm & deluding a pawnbroker.

They also had a few questions for me since it was our neighbor's house that he broke into in order to commit the theft. It was lovely to answer those questions here in my office, for all to hear.

Nice of them to give me the courtesy call so that I am sure to pick up DD after school since he won't be able to at this point.

:gaah :headbange :wild

Can someone please tell WHO this man is? Here I thought he was making headway with his program following his DUI and recommiting to sobriety & now I don't know who the F he is at all.

Has he been secret drinking again? Doing pills or drugs? What has he been doing instead of working since apparently the money he gave me yesterday from "the last of his paychecks" is really from selling stolen crap. More is bound to be revealed.....

I am positively numb. I can't muster up a single emotion, I think I may be in shock. This is SO not at all what I expected to be dealing with today.

Oh, honey I am so sorry. I have no words of wisdom for you, just ((((hugs)))). Lots of 'em.

Felony conviction is enough for an at-fault divorce. Just saying. :)

Dude - it's the first thing I thought of. Trust is off the table at this point, idk how to stay without it.

Oh, Firesprite---there is no doubt that you are in shock, right now. And, probably will be for a while--even if you don't know it.
The best thing I can tell you is to do your best to Let Go and Let God---and just keep doing the next right thing.

You have no control over this crap--NONE. You will need to control only those things that you DO have control over. You need to take care of yourself.

My heart goes out to you, FireSprite!! I am glad that you came here to post about it.
We care about you.

dandylion

Oh FireSprite.

I am so sorry you were blindsided, while at work, no less. I am here, thinking of you, taking deep breaths for you, wishing there was more I could do.

If you have time for a break during work, maybe take a brisk walk outside to clear your head. I hope you can have a productive day, and a nice afternoon with DD after school, in spite of this turn of events.

Oh FS...I am so sorry! I know when my husband broke into someone's house and did
$16k worth of damage it was b/c he mixed booze w/Xanax. Nice eh. He did not even steal anything, just tore the crap out of their house. I swear I still have PTSD from all of it. I wish upon everything I am that I would have divorced him right then. Instead he went to rehab and I believed stupidly that it would all change, that surely to God that was his bottom.

While he has not committed any further crimes, certainly I can say he still drinks and did so just yesterday. Nice.

Huge hugs to you. I am so so sorry. ALWAYS here for you and holding your hand anytime you would need it. Message me anytime too!

Please breathe and know you did not cause this. He will have to accept the ramifications of what he has done.

((((Hugs)))) and God Bless!

One good thing can come out of this. If you were unsure of yourself in anyway, if you thought for one second ever that you were the crazy one, if he ever made you doubt yourself, the above I quoted is your proof that it's NOT YOU!
Whew!
You're alright firesprite! He's nuts!

I'm so grateful for every single one of you. In the past I would have already commenced running around like a chicken sans head & instead I'm just sitting here trying to process it. I know that I don't have to find a solution for me *right now*. Luckily, I control a lot of my work flow so I can be distracted a bit today.

I know he has been desperate to solve our money problems, but I can't get over this lack of morality. If he was as sober as he claimed to be with the exception of his known slip up, it's even more disheartening.

DD is going to be positively devastated.

Yes, think this out and realize you cannot rescue him from this. I think that is what I tried to do. That my poor husband was so ate up w. addiction that he would do such thing. I was alarmed and thought I was in charge of getting him help! Maybe if he had to spend some time in jail instead of running off to rehab (vacation) he would have thought twice about drinking and expecting everyone to rescue him all the time.

Now that I don't do it, his sister picked right up, good little codependent that she is.

Breathe...process..take your time and realize these actions were not yours and you don't have to do anything but just that...process.

Oh, don't worry, there will be no rescue from this mother ship.

He will sit because I will not bail him out, I know that for sure. I wouldn't waste the money if I had it to spare. I am expecting them to not release him due to this encompassing felony charges and so close on the heels of his unresolved DUI.

My issues are more about covering my arse to pay bills, downsize, etc. in order to keep a roof over DD's head. I will need to make some hard & fast decisions in the next few days to avoid major financial issues in the near future.

He will be less devastated if he knows that you are okay, and you will stay okay and be there for him. Enjoy DD today. Go for a walk in the crunchy leaves, drink hot chocolate, listen to your favorite music together and dance.

AH is showing you who he is.

I am so sorry it's what it is. Treasure all the good things and people in your life. Put your life force in all that you love.

Don't let AH take that force from you. How can you best care for you, given what you know to be true?

Firesprite, thinking about you and your daughter and sending loving and healing thoughts your way. xo

FS...I'm so sorry to hear this. You are doing so well keeping your focus on yourself and DD. Thoughts, prayers, hugs...all the good stuff to you. We're here if you need to vent, cry, scream, whatever.

Wow, what a mess. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Before I filed for divorce, I was always waiting for "permission" to leave, something to point to that was a clear breaking point. This would have been a great exit opportunity for me. If I were in your shoes, I would consider seeing a lawyer for YOU to find out if any of the wreckage will become your responsibility and how NOT to make that so.

Thinking of you.

I'm sorry, FireSprite :(

That's the thing - I HADN'T been looking for the door. All signs pointed to resolutions of sorts, I've had zero red flags, he's been more communicative, accountable, home every night, etc. I was happy despite the problems, happy to stay on my side of the street & move forward. I told him not long ago that I can live without money but not without trust & respect. HA!

This is so far outside of character for anything he's EVER done (to my knowledge) that I'm just flabbergasted, rocked off my foundation. When the cop asked me if he had any issues with drugs I told him "not to the best of my knowledge, but now I don't know what I thought I knew, so who knows??" I think until that point they actually thought that *I* was in collusion with him on this. And frankly, that enrages me.

I just can't WAIT to hear from my neighbor next. She's a horrible person to begin with & yet, here I am, on THIS side of the equation suddenly. What a sh*tshow.

You all are going to think I'm crazy, but my reiki therapist is a very talented medium & not long ago she was treating me but kept getting interupted by a spirit who we eventually identified as RAH's father. Every single message "he" passed on to me through her that day is exactly what is happening right now. Almost eerily so.

Thank you all again, I love my SR family. :hug:

I'm so sorry. Dashed hopes hurt the heart so bad.

I really admire your strength and resolve. You and DD will survive this just fine.

O FS....I know just what you mean. Had I not actually seen my AH's shirt (he had on two and apparently got hot in his fit and took one off) and his hat and yes, our car was still in the drive I would NEVER have believed he would do such a thing. He has never been violent before or since then.

The car he had been driving was mine and I always change out my purses at my office for whatever reason and always have my purses empty under my desk. A couple days before I had put them in the trunk of the car. I realized at some point after the police asked me if they were mine that they had thought he had possibly taken those or had a person hidden or something. Wow...what a mess it was. They found him bleeding limping down the road....he had jumped off the roof. He called me from jail the next day, had no recollection of any of this, thought he got a dui. He still does not remember to this day, but I sure as he@@ do!

I am just so sorry for the trauma this is causing you. I don't mean to keep posting, I just want to make sure you know someone can relate and that you are not alone! Your SR people are here with you!!

Oh Firesprite I'm so sorry. I can feel my own anxiety level rising, can only imagine how you must feel. You just don't need this crap.

Hugs!