jmh5

I am currently doing my 4th step and I love what Desert eyes said about it not being about apologising. I went to two meetings on this a couple of months ago (I thought I was going to have a long list of people to make amends to - I have no issue saying sorry) and I realised that by working the steps in order that my 'list' was going to change and shift as I got a better understanding of the program.

The second meeting on this step, I heard a number of people share around the fact that the person they needed to make amends to the most was themselves. The blaming, the berating, the harshness with which they treated themselves was by far the worst thing they had done. I think that I have treated my self poorly during the 3 years I was with my alcoholic partner. I blamed myself and thought if I was a better partner, more calm, I could change the situation (ha!).

We are going through a separation now and I can see part of my amends to myself (and also to him) is to communicate with dignity and without blaming him for the loss of our hopes and dreams (but still be able to grieve them).

I also know that as I go through Alanon my awareness will develop and I will be able to see more clearly the situations I have been in, and the part I have played (positive and negative).

honeypig

This is why it matters more than ever.

meggem

Leana at the beginning of Hammer's post I thought - Geez.. that doesn't sound like the Hammer I have been listening to for the past few weeks and then I read the crackpot story and it made sense, then I knew my first tiny little quick assumption was wrong/ You sound very raw and so I am- I am soooo raw, I'm like an open wound. I wrote a few posts in the beginning and I told everyone they scared me here. I didn't feel like they were nasty, but the brutality of their honesty and how real this all is-- scared me. I still get scared here sometimes. But it helps to be here. Don't go..