readerbaby71

I just talked to my BF and he's still in an interim mental health crisis center until Sunday. He has to find an inpatient treatment center within our county go to that has funding because he has no insurance and can't pay for it. It's been impossible so far and getting medical assistance could take up to 45 days. They also informed him about an intensive outpatient treatment program that is 40 hours per week. That's great, but I told him if he does that he cannot stay with me and that I need to take care of myself. He was silent on the phone. I asked him if he was mad and he said no. He said he was going to get to making more calls and we hung up.

I immediately felt horrible and like crap. This was about an hour ago. I've felt panicked, anxious, angry, sad, upset and helpless in the past hour. Now I feel calm. I don't think I said it in the best way because I said, "you have to go somewhere" instead of "if you choose to do outpatient you can't live with me", but oh well. I can't control what he does or doesn't do. I hope he doesn't give up and they can find something soon.

I don't know if this sounds absurd. I'm not a christian or really a religious person but I do believe in a collective unconscious/spirit that connects us all. My bf's mom died from cancer when he was 11 and a while ago I told him maybe she could be his higher power. She wouldn't want to see him this way. The past few days I've been talking to her and asking her to help him and keep him safe. I never met her but I know she loved him. Can't hurt, right?

Anyway, that's my update. I'm sure I'll freak out and feel like **** again but for now I'm accepting what's happening without trying to control it. That's a HUGE deal for me.

RollTide

Don't feel horrible for taking care of yourself and keeping yourself out of his drama. What you said was fine but in the future if you think he will call again you can go ahead and write out the response that you feel would sound better. That way you will be prepared.

I'm like you and always come up with the perfect response...about five minutes too late.

Breathe and do something nice for YOU. He's in a place that will take care of him.

CarryOn

You did great! You have a boundary & you are enforcing it. One of my wise AlAnon-ers imparted some wisdom to me last week when I talked about feeling guilty for not doing something for someone else when it was not in my best interest to do so...making the changes you need to make in your life may produce some guilt because we are changing the way we have done things previously and it makes us uncomfortable, the discomfort is a good thing, so think of it as a growing pain. No pain, no gain.

I think talking to his mom is great if it works for you. I believe everyone has a guardian angel, maybe his mom is his guardian angel.

So, readerbaby, what are you doing for you today? You're in a really tough spot right now, so please be gentle with yourself and do something you enjoy.

readerbaby71

He was in the army for four years but never deployed. He called the VA and it's a no go. Five years ago they changed the benefits for treatment for former veterans. It's like he never served at all. Effed up.

lizw

Great thread and I always freak out when I withdraw from playing someone else's higher power instead of looking after myself.
That stuff of feeling so responsible for someone else, some days, feels like it is part of me, rather than just a behaviour I can change or unlearn with my own higher powers help.

FireSprite

AMEN! It can be so hard to enforce our boundaries & not feel like we're the ones doing something wrong in the process. I've had many lessons on this recently.

Hang in there readerbaby, I think you're doing just great!

readerbaby71

Bad TV and Sleepytime tea for me tonight. I'm living on the edge!