O/T Saw my ex today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
O/T Saw my ex today
I just wanted to put this down in writing somewhere so that I could remember it.
My ex's mother died this week and the wake was today. I knew I had to go to this, and also I wanted to go, I was married for 27 years. His family was my family, we grew up together. I haven't really seen anyone in his family for at least 7 or 8 years, maybe longer, because he would run away from home for weeks and visit them then, he wouldn't take me with him. (a whole other story)
They were always good to me, I just didn't see them because they lived about 2 hours away. They knew we were having problems, and at one time assured me that whatever happened, that they would always consider me family.
I wanted to go to this wake for "Mammy", for them, and for my children and grandchildren, I guess also for my ex.
It was a 3 hour trip to get there. If my friends didn't come with me, I think I might have fell apart, but I had my support with me. My friends also know his whole family.
We got there early, it's a 3 hour trip and we wanted to give extra time in case of traffic. Ended up getting there an hour early before the family even arrived. More time for me to have a nervous breakdown!!!!!! (lol).
So the family starts to come in about 20 mins later. The first one to see me is my (ex) nephew. Last time I saw him he was about 10. He recognizes me immediately and comes right over to me. I was surprised, because I haven't seen him since he was 10, and I was trying to figure out who he was !!!!! Comes over to me, gives me a big hug, said he misses me, and was so glad that I came, then his 2 sisters (my nieces?) come over, them I knew, they looked the same from the last time that I saw them, they are also giving me hugs, and saying how happy they are to see me. My other 2 nephews come right over to me, more hugs. My ex sisters-in law also, came right over to me thanking me for coming, and that they missed me. My ex brother in law also, comes right over. So it's like we are having a family reunion there. My bro-in-law stays around and is just talking and talking. Now my brother in law is not a big talker, he is somewhat introverted.
I have always gotten along with him, you see when we would invite him to our house for the weekend, my ex always made some excuse to leave and left me and brother in law alone for hours. My ex would tell me I just can't deal with being around my family, you entertain them, and he would disappear. Also when we went to parties at his relatives houses, which I really didn't know anyone at, he would stand in front of me while talking to his relatives, and not introduce me, and then he would somehow disappear and my brother in law, Billy, would come to my rescue and stay with me for the rest of the party and introduce me to his family. (Just had to add in that little bit of history)
So anyway, my ex and his gf (was ow) finally show up with my son, daughters and grandchildren. I say hi to my children and grandchildren, and somehow the ex and gf got to a different part of the room. (lol)
So I guess, finally had he no option but to come over and say hello to me and his friends that I came with. The moment that I dreaded. So he is introducing his gf to my friends and she shakes there hands and then totally ignores me, I'm right there, so I just put my hand out, and said, hi Joyce, nice to see you again !!!!!!! She had to be polite and shake my hand. I then hugged my ex and gave him my condolences.
Just know that what I was thinking of through all of that weird, uneasy situation was SR, and I was hearing everyone here saying just keep your head up, and be yourself. Thanks everyone for that.
When we were leaving, I said goodbye to everyone, went up to my ex to say goodbye, he gives me a big hug, and tilts his cheek right next to me for a kiss, so I obliged. Looked for the gf to say goodbye to her also, I can't find her, guess she didn't want to have another encounter with me.
Was saying goodbye to my brother in law last. He tells me that I look really good, so I said, so do you, he said, no you look really really good, you look exquisite, radiant, you have a glow to you now............. I'm finally happy for you.
If anyone read my long boring story thank you.
My ex's mother died this week and the wake was today. I knew I had to go to this, and also I wanted to go, I was married for 27 years. His family was my family, we grew up together. I haven't really seen anyone in his family for at least 7 or 8 years, maybe longer, because he would run away from home for weeks and visit them then, he wouldn't take me with him. (a whole other story)
They were always good to me, I just didn't see them because they lived about 2 hours away. They knew we were having problems, and at one time assured me that whatever happened, that they would always consider me family.
I wanted to go to this wake for "Mammy", for them, and for my children and grandchildren, I guess also for my ex.
It was a 3 hour trip to get there. If my friends didn't come with me, I think I might have fell apart, but I had my support with me. My friends also know his whole family.
We got there early, it's a 3 hour trip and we wanted to give extra time in case of traffic. Ended up getting there an hour early before the family even arrived. More time for me to have a nervous breakdown!!!!!! (lol).
So the family starts to come in about 20 mins later. The first one to see me is my (ex) nephew. Last time I saw him he was about 10. He recognizes me immediately and comes right over to me. I was surprised, because I haven't seen him since he was 10, and I was trying to figure out who he was !!!!! Comes over to me, gives me a big hug, said he misses me, and was so glad that I came, then his 2 sisters (my nieces?) come over, them I knew, they looked the same from the last time that I saw them, they are also giving me hugs, and saying how happy they are to see me. My other 2 nephews come right over to me, more hugs. My ex sisters-in law also, came right over to me thanking me for coming, and that they missed me. My ex brother in law also, comes right over. So it's like we are having a family reunion there. My bro-in-law stays around and is just talking and talking. Now my brother in law is not a big talker, he is somewhat introverted.
I have always gotten along with him, you see when we would invite him to our house for the weekend, my ex always made some excuse to leave and left me and brother in law alone for hours. My ex would tell me I just can't deal with being around my family, you entertain them, and he would disappear. Also when we went to parties at his relatives houses, which I really didn't know anyone at, he would stand in front of me while talking to his relatives, and not introduce me, and then he would somehow disappear and my brother in law, Billy, would come to my rescue and stay with me for the rest of the party and introduce me to his family. (Just had to add in that little bit of history)
So anyway, my ex and his gf (was ow) finally show up with my son, daughters and grandchildren. I say hi to my children and grandchildren, and somehow the ex and gf got to a different part of the room. (lol)
So I guess, finally had he no option but to come over and say hello to me and his friends that I came with. The moment that I dreaded. So he is introducing his gf to my friends and she shakes there hands and then totally ignores me, I'm right there, so I just put my hand out, and said, hi Joyce, nice to see you again !!!!!!! She had to be polite and shake my hand. I then hugged my ex and gave him my condolences.
Just know that what I was thinking of through all of that weird, uneasy situation was SR, and I was hearing everyone here saying just keep your head up, and be yourself. Thanks everyone for that.
When we were leaving, I said goodbye to everyone, went up to my ex to say goodbye, he gives me a big hug, and tilts his cheek right next to me for a kiss, so I obliged. Looked for the gf to say goodbye to her also, I can't find her, guess she didn't want to have another encounter with me.
Was saying goodbye to my brother in law last. He tells me that I look really good, so I said, so do you, he said, no you look really really good, you look exquisite, radiant, you have a glow to you now............. I'm finally happy for you.
If anyone read my long boring story thank you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
you did great. (not that you need validation) it sounds like you shined and your former inlaws saw it.
this might be petty but i bet your ex was kicking himself a bit that you were radiant and his gf was probably a bit jealous thus her disappearance at the end.
this might be petty but i bet your ex was kicking himself a bit that you were radiant and his gf was probably a bit jealous thus her disappearance at the end.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
What a lovely story of _your_ recovery. It was neither long, nor boring. It is inspiring. We _can_ have a good life after the disaster of addiction, and you just showed us a shining example of how to do it.
I think your brother in law was describing what we on SR already know, that you are a wonderful peep
Mike
I think your brother in law was describing what we on SR already know, that you are a wonderful peep
Mike
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
What a classy lady. That is how it is done. I was reading the story and thinking "this is a healthy woman". How great that others got to see you and show you their appreciation.
The behavior of your ex sounds insulting and sad, I am glad he does not get to be in your life anymore.
The behavior of your ex sounds insulting and sad, I am glad he does not get to be in your life anymore.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OH, WoW, Amy--You handled that like a CHAMP!!
This is the kind of post-script that I think many of us "dream" of!!
I think your brother-in-law must have always appreciated you for who you authentically are.
Well done, sister.
dandylion
This is the kind of post-script that I think many of us "dream" of!!
I think your brother-in-law must have always appreciated you for who you authentically are.
Well done, sister.
dandylion
Well done, and thank you for sharing that!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: back woods USA
Posts: 171
This is a scenario that I know I will most likely have to go through someday....and I hope I handle it with as much class as you. Thank you for sharing. I want to be you when I grow up...
as my son would say, that is awesomeness...
as my son would say, that is awesomeness...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
OK guys and gals, your responses all made me tear up, but that isn't what this post is about.
I need opinions or help. Before I went to the wake I started to write something up for my ex's mom. I really do love her. She was the sweetest. So I want to write here what I want to sent to the eldest in the family. My ex's sister. I guess yesterday was feeling too much about me, and I wanted to give the family a gift. So I need your opinions on if I should do this, or also if there are any writers out there how to make it better, if I decide to send it. Here it goes. My mil we called her Mammy.
Mammy,
I think you are the greatest. There aren't even words that are good enough to describe you.
You are so beautiful in mind, spirit and soul. You are so strong, determined and courageous. You have always carried yourself with such dignity and grace. You love very deeply. You have always had a smile for everyone, and a soda bread in the oven. You made the sun shine on a cloudy rainy day.
You are a beacon light that just draws people towards you. You're one of a kind.
I wish I had your strength. I wish I had you courage, dignity and grace, but I don't, so all I can say is that I feel honored that I was able to share a part of your life with you.
I will always remember you and I will always love you.
May you rest in peace and brighten the heavens. Heaven just got another angel.
Thank you for being you. You are always in my heart.
When I hear the angels bowling, I will know that you are there watching us.
Missing you,
I Love You Mammy
I need opinions or help. Before I went to the wake I started to write something up for my ex's mom. I really do love her. She was the sweetest. So I want to write here what I want to sent to the eldest in the family. My ex's sister. I guess yesterday was feeling too much about me, and I wanted to give the family a gift. So I need your opinions on if I should do this, or also if there are any writers out there how to make it better, if I decide to send it. Here it goes. My mil we called her Mammy.
Mammy,
I think you are the greatest. There aren't even words that are good enough to describe you.
You are so beautiful in mind, spirit and soul. You are so strong, determined and courageous. You have always carried yourself with such dignity and grace. You love very deeply. You have always had a smile for everyone, and a soda bread in the oven. You made the sun shine on a cloudy rainy day.
You are a beacon light that just draws people towards you. You're one of a kind.
I wish I had your strength. I wish I had you courage, dignity and grace, but I don't, so all I can say is that I feel honored that I was able to share a part of your life with you.
I will always remember you and I will always love you.
May you rest in peace and brighten the heavens. Heaven just got another angel.
Thank you for being you. You are always in my heart.
When I hear the angels bowling, I will know that you are there watching us.
Missing you,
I Love You Mammy
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