what to say
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: atlanta
Posts: 64
what to say
My husband will be going into a 30 day treatment program today. His sister, adult daughter and adult son know. How do I tell others where he is? I want to be honest with neighbors, close friends and coworkers. I have kept the problem "hidden" for years. He is 65 years old so it has been a long running issue. I am looking for the words to be honest with others yet not unkind at the same time. This forum has some great people on it that I am sure can help me right now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
truly
usually this will be known to most all in short time
it's not a bad thing
most all families these days have suffered with the same
everyone should be able to find some joy in the fact
that your husband is seeking help
here's one
he's in the hospital
when asked what for
"I would rather not discuss it at this time"
here's two
"he is seeking treatment for his drinking problem"
in the long run I think #2 works the best
MM
usually this will be known to most all in short time
it's not a bad thing
most all families these days have suffered with the same
everyone should be able to find some joy in the fact
that your husband is seeking help
here's one
he's in the hospital
when asked what for
"I would rather not discuss it at this time"
here's two
"he is seeking treatment for his drinking problem"
in the long run I think #2 works the best
MM
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
"Larry has decided he wants to take control of his alcohol addiction, and is taking a few weeks to get the help he needs"
This response is upfront, gives him the credit for wanting to get help, and takes you out of the equation...since we all know he's the only one that will determine whether he is able to control his addiction.
This response is upfront, gives him the credit for wanting to get help, and takes you out of the equation...since we all know he's the only one that will determine whether he is able to control his addiction.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Prich--Here is my take on it: As mountainman said those who "need to know" will know soon enough.
As for the others--a ploy that I might use would be: (said with a gentle smile)--Oh, he is on sabattical, right now--something he has been wanting to do for some time. Then change the subject before they start asking probing questions.
dandylion
As for the others--a ploy that I might use would be: (said with a gentle smile)--Oh, he is on sabattical, right now--something he has been wanting to do for some time. Then change the subject before they start asking probing questions.
dandylion
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Here is a rough part -- Anonymity.
If you all are on the 12 step programs -- AA and Alanon in particular, they encourage and promote total anonymity outside the groups. When I see Alanon folks in the real world, I tend to smile and whisper by, "hello, I don't know you."
We all laugh. A lot of fun with it.
Both sides have their own (but very close) 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Both of these point towards keeping your mouth shut outside of the groups. Sort of a -- "What happens at Fight Club stays at Fight Club."
You may know that I went around lying when Mrs. Hammer went to Rehab. Much to my later shame.
=================
Al-Anon's Twelve Traditions
Tradition 11
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.
Tradition 12
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
============
So combining all that, if had do-overs, I would probably just say, "She is gone for a while," and figure most folks would stop it there. For those who wished to press on, I would probably say, "It is complicated, and I will let her explain when she gets back, thanks for understanding."
I would suppose that folks who wished to press and push beyond that are exactly the ones who the Anonymity aspects are supposed to guard AA and Alanon from, and for those I would say, "See you later, buh-bye."
If you all are on the 12 step programs -- AA and Alanon in particular, they encourage and promote total anonymity outside the groups. When I see Alanon folks in the real world, I tend to smile and whisper by, "hello, I don't know you."
We all laugh. A lot of fun with it.Both sides have their own (but very close) 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Both of these point towards keeping your mouth shut outside of the groups. Sort of a -- "What happens at Fight Club stays at Fight Club."
You may know that I went around lying when Mrs. Hammer went to Rehab. Much to my later shame.
=================
Al-Anon's Twelve Traditions
Tradition 11
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.
Tradition 12
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
============
So combining all that, if had do-overs, I would probably just say, "She is gone for a while," and figure most folks would stop it there. For those who wished to press on, I would probably say, "It is complicated, and I will let her explain when she gets back, thanks for understanding."
I would suppose that folks who wished to press and push beyond that are exactly the ones who the Anonymity aspects are supposed to guard AA and Alanon from, and for those I would say, "See you later, buh-bye."
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