Katchie

As the subject says, I could be way off base here, but I hope to find out later tonight after church. I dropped one son off at brain balance and took the other two to get a drink and snack at the quick shop while we are waiting for their brother to finish his brain exercises. After we buy the snacks I head back to brain balance, but on the way I see my AH's car parked outside a restaurant & pub. Only 20 minutes earlier he stopped off at the house to see me and go over evening plans. AH let's me know he is going to work in the office instead of going to Wednesday night services only to catch him doing something much different. I don't know if he's alone or w/someone. I've never had to worry about that sort if thing; perhaps I still don't. When I saw him earlier he was sober. I don't know why, but this is really disturbing me. After seeing his car there I called him but he wouldn't answer nor would he answer my text. I dunno. I really could be just blowing this out if proportion in my head. I hope so.

choublak

Maybe there's an AA meeting at the restaurant?

PI time.

Catherine628

Well hopefully it turns out to be nothing. In my situation I found my instincts were always dead on though. One good thing that's come from the chaos is I've learned to trust my instincts again. Trusting the A is a different story.

thislonelygirl

Listen to your gut....
my gut has always proved me correct in situations like that.
Sadly......


if you want to learn the truth (if you think hes with "someone" else and its not just him drinking) then no matter what keep calm!!
i cannot stress this enough...i actually caught my ah in a lie and then immediately confronted him. it would have served better had i had more info before hand...(which is why pi's are paid the big bucks )lol and There was another case with a friend who had the gut feeling her bf was cheating on her (in the end he really was) BUT i recall this one instance where she freaked out about his "car" being at a restaurant and i told her to take a picture of the car (with the license plate in view outside the restaurant) this way 1. she can MAKE SURE its his car and then 2. have proof of time,place etc (and he can't lie)

It turned out NOT to be his car lol (that time atleast) but it sure saved her from stampeding into a restaurant hunting nothing lol

AnvilheadII

hmmm, he comes home, checks to see YOUR plans and then SAYS he's going back to work. is his office AT the restaurant/pub? instead of deciding to engage and involve with his wife and children and THEIR activities, he make sure you are BUSY and then......does he go to work like he said? nope. trust your gut. it really isn't about who he MIGHT be with....he did not do what he said he was going to do. Ideally, altho not advised, you and the kids would march in to the place and confront him. I am not advising this!!!! you already know.........you don't need a PI.

suki44883

Yeah, my first thought was...are you SURE it's his car? If you are sure beyond doubt, then at the very least, he lied to you about his evening plans. It would make me wonder if he really was at work the other times he said he was working. Don't let it make you crazy though. Just keep it in mind and maybe the next time he says he's going to work in the evening, you can make a run to the store and see if his car is again at the restaurant/pub. If so, take pictures (making sure you camera date/time is correct) and put them in a safe place. They could be valuable in the future.

Leana

Yeah, he's pulling one over on you. In my opinion his motive was "Find out what wife and family are doing, figure out my excuse as to why I can't go, then do what I want....which is drink."

My only question is...doesn't he know where Brain Balance classes are held? I mean out of all the pubs that he could possibly pick to go to, he picks the one near where your going?

Something doesn't make sense. He either wanted to get caught or doesn't care. I hope you find out which.

thislonelygirl

lol ^ or like all the other alcoholics...an idiot!

choublak

Yeah I was going to say, that's pretty stupid on his part lol.

Taking5

I would've just walked into the restaurant/pub. Was this not an option for you?

Katchie

I thought about it. I had the time to do that but I had 2 of my 4 boys in the car w/me. Years ago I made the decision I would never have horrible fights or scenes I any kind in front of my kids w/my spouse. I grew up seeing knock down drag outs between my parents; I never want my kids to experience such behavior from theirs.

Since I last typed this thread, he did call me before I headed to church and explained he was at that place w/several high school coaches. He met w/one coach in particular regarding one of our boys that we are thinking about switching teams to either now or next year. He has real potential to get a scholarship playing ball. This could all be true, or not. If it's not, I'm sure it will all come to light soon enough.

Here's what's sad, he has me so frustrated w/the drinking I almost hope I catch him screwing up just to give myself an excuse to leave. But I'm not really ready for that. I have to get my rear in gear taking care of me.

ResignedToWait

I'm not sure if you can go without your phone, but you could always install a tracking app onto your phone (that can be checked real-time on the web), and 'forget' your phone under the backseat of his vehicle. (just turn off the ringtone and vibrate in case someone calls it)

This won't accomplish much; but it would certainly be fun!

I did it 6 years ago with my AW, when she went on one of her 'I'm just going to the store, I'll be right back' trips that always end up taking three hours.
Turns out she WAS going to the store...and then parking down the street around the corner to drink what she bought. I actually walked down the road to see...and there she was, 'sleeping' (passed out) behind the wheel on a dead-end road.

Katchie

He doesn't know it but I have iFind and his cell phone is on it. I'm trying to not use it so much because I'd go crazy trying to keep up w/him. Maybe that's a Codie thing.

Taking5

I'm not advocating starting a scene. Just observe what is happening.

Katchie

I know you're not but I know myself.

ResignedToWait

Yeah...I kind of alluded to it, but it's definitely not a healthy action to take, haha. Once one is past the 'detach' phase, one realizes how pointless doing this would be. But like I said, it can be fun...if only to feel like you have some sort of control in the situation (which we know, we really don't).

dandylion

Katchie---I just want to remind you that if you want/need to leave---you don't need any "reason" to do it--other than your OWN judgement on the matter.

It is of great kindness that I say to you: You are your own highest counsel. This is entirely an inside matter. When you have your own inner validity--you will be strong enough to do anything that you need to do for yourself. I refer to this feeling as "peace of mind". How do I know this?---I had to learn it, myself. Once you learn this--you can't unlearn it...LOL.

None of us can live as a slave to the opinions of others.

very sincerely,
dandylion

hopeful4

Katchie...I don't know what to say. I hope he was telling the truth however addicts are huge liars and manipulators...the entire lot of them (i've decided this in my own head, maybe it's not true but it certainly rings true reading everyone's stories and day to day lives). If he is doing something it will come to light, and most likely fairly soon.

My heart is with you. Hugs!

FireSprite

In my experience it was just enough truth mixed with fiction to make me go 'round in mental circles... and trying to differentiate the subtle differences made me C.R.A.Z.Y.

That was one of the ways that I had changed & didn't realize (but hated) - how much thought, time & effort I was putting into decoding every one of his sentences in situations like this when things should be so simple.

Katchie

Yes he does know where it is. The road this pub is on is a side service road I wouldn't normally drive but did as a short cut to the quick shop. His car cant be missed because there are personalized things about it. Last night over dinner he said some things like, "I know you cant trust me and that's my fault" kind of things. I don't know why; Ive not said anything to him. I can only guess he's feeling twinges of guilt about his behavior. Maybe because I've been distancing myself trying to detach somewhat, as well as he is noticing my attempt to be more independent.
Of course I do know there is someone else but it comes in a bottle...he's dating a genie.