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it's been a rough few days.

Old 11-06-2013, 05:08 AM
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it's been a rough few days.

My BF went on a bender over the weekend and didn't come home for a couple of days. Monday morning we went to his therapist and he said he wanted to go to rehab. He knows he will die and lose everything if he doesn't, and he's tired of living in such pain.

He doesn't have medical insurance and it's been a bitch trying to find somewhere that will take him. A lot of state and county funding in our area his dried up for these sorts of services. To get in he has to apply for medicaid and then see if he can find a bed. I've stepped back and he's doing this on his own (with his therapist's help). It's been discouraging but he's not giving up so far.

Today he's going to the therapist's and having him write a letter and fax everything to the assistance office and follow up with a call to see if they can push it through. I really, really hope that this works out for him. Otherwise it's the end of the road. Outpatient treatment just ain't gonna cut it.

I have been crying off and on because of various reasons, but I'm doing okay and I am proud of myself for stepping back and not trying to "help". I wish I could take this week off work but it's not possible. My boss is an incredibly negative person and a complainer. Yesterday I would have loved to tell her to STFU, but of course I didn't. This whole thing has motivated me even more to start really focusing on my freelance writing business. Life's too short to do something you hate every day.

I am truly overwhelmed and looking forward to some peace and quiet this weekend. Last night I was okay and then all of a sudden just had to lie down and cry for about an hour. I fell asleep around 7:30 and woke up at midnight--went back to sleep an hour later.

Tomorrow I'm taking my sister in for a visit to a gastro doc for the problems she's been having for over six months. It's kind of funny that I'm looking forward to it because I won't be at work.

Thanks all for your support. It means so much.
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Old 11-06-2013, 05:46 AM
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Originally Posted by readerbaby71 View Post
I have been crying off and on because of various reasons, but I'm doing okay and I am proud of myself for stepping back and not trying to "help".
And you SHOULD be proud of yourself! This is all on him; you are doing great. Guess you are stronger than you knew, aren't you...?

Keep on keeping on!
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Old 11-06-2013, 07:49 AM
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Speaking from my own experience . . . .

DO NOT get sucked into "helping" pay for Rehab.

Not a thin dime.

They make their mess, let them clean it up.

If they can find a way to do their A thang, they can certainly find a way to do the Rehab thang.
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
Speaking from my own experience . . . .

DO NOT get sucked into "helping" pay for Rehab.

Not a thin dime.

They make their mess, let them clean it up.

If they can find a way to do their A thang, they can certainly find a way to do the Rehab thang.
There is no way I am paying for anything. I don't have $12,000 anyway. It's hard not to want to do something and feel helpless, but I'm distracting myself with other things and letting him deal with this on his own.
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Old 11-06-2013, 09:27 AM
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I personally am very impressed. You seem very calm about all of this and YOU ARE LETTING HIM DO IT ON HIS OWN!!!

It's his mess and he has to figure it out. Good for you!!! I hope you see what a positive thing this is for you. I am so sorry you are going through this but I want you to know you motivated me today not to step into codependent behavior. For that I thank you.

I hope you get some rest and some peace! Hugs!
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Old 11-06-2013, 11:24 AM
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He just stopped by my work to say goodbye. He's going to a local mental health crisis center that can at least help him for the next 72 hours and they have the resources to get him into a program in the next few days. I'm sad but relieved. He rode his bike there because he said that he didn't even trust himself with money to take the bus and that telling them he's suicidal to get in isn't a lie.

All I can do now is think good thoughts for him and his recovery. It's out of my hands. Addiction sucks.
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Old 11-06-2013, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by readerbaby71 View Post
It's out of my hands.
NOW, KEEP IT THAT WAY!

For Real. Good for you. Keep it out of your hands.

Addiction sucks.
Tru dat.

BUT . . . . Now YOU are the recovery side, right?

Not so sucky here on the recovery side of things, I has gots to tell you.
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:10 PM
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Dear Readerbaby---first of all--Congrats on stepping back from trying to manage his recovery. That is a good first step!

Please don't interpret what I am about to say as that you should get involved in his recovery program. This is for your information:

A person doesn't Have to go to an inpatient rehab program in order to begin recovering from alcoholsim. There is no magic wand in the rehab centers. They seem to work best for those who are ready for recovery---and it can get them on the path to BEGIN REVOVERY---but, the alcoholic still need a rigorous program--and I mean really rigorous---after the rehab. stint. Sure, rehab can be nice for those with the time and money.

I have, over the years, seen the WORST alcoholics go into recovery with the program of AA---with a sponsor and working all of the 12 steps---with recovery as the center focus of their lives. I have known people to transform their lives. It does take 100% effort and dedication. Especially in the very beginning.

Readerbaby, In my opinion, the deciding factor will be how bad he really wants recovery and how ready he is to commit himself to a long-term program---literally a lifestyle change. Rehab won't hurt....but, it is not the whole or even the main factor.

You won't know where he is with this---his actions will demonstrate how ready for recovery he really is. You can't even tell by his current words. time and his actions will tell the tale.

Detox and rehab are two separate steps. Detox is to get the person safely through the physical detox from the alcohol. This can be done, best---in a hospital setting. It can also be done, in certain circumstances, at home under a doctor's supervision. (hospital is always safest).

I am giving you my take on this--so that it might help you with having realistic expectations---for your own education.

some people may disagree with me--I speak from my own life experience with alcoholism.

dandylion
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post

some people may disagree with me--I speak from my own life experience with alcoholism.

dandylion
Sounds like what I have seen at the zoo, as well.

and the converse -- Rehab, sometimes turns a big mess, and relapses, too.

(again from my own life experience )
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Dear Readerbaby---first of all--Congrats on stepping back from trying to manage his recovery. That is a good first step!

Please don't interpret what I am about to say as that you should get involved in his recovery program. This is for your information:

A person doesn't Have to go to an inpatient rehab program in order to begin recovering from alcoholsim. There is no magic wand in the rehab centers. They seem to work best for those who are ready for recovery---and it can get them on the path to BEGIN REVOVERY---but, the alcoholic still need a rigorous program--and I mean really rigorous---after the rehab. stint. Sure, rehab can be nice for those with the time and money.

I have, over the years, seen the WORST alcoholics go into recovery with the program of AA---with a sponsor and working all of the 12 steps---with recovery as the center focus of their lives. I have known people to transform their lives. It does take 100% effort and dedication. Especially in the very beginning.

Readerbaby, In my opinion, the deciding factor will be how bad he really wants recovery and how ready he is to commit himself to a long-term program---literally a lifestyle change. Rehab won't hurt....but, it is not the whole or even the main factor.

You won't know where he is with this---his actions will demonstrate how ready for recovery he really is. You can't even tell by his current words. time and his actions will tell the tale.

Detox and rehab are two separate steps. Detox is to get the person safely through the physical detox from the alcohol. This can be done, best---in a hospital setting. It can also be done, in certain circumstances, at home under a doctor's supervision. (hospital is always safest).

I am giving you my take on this--so that it might help you with having realistic expectations---for your own education.

some people may disagree with me--I speak from my own life experience with alcoholism.

dandylion
Thanks, dandylion. He's been trying to beat it with AA and therapy but it's just not sticking. Rehab is kind of a last-ditch effort for him. I think he's ready and really wants it, but there's no guarantees. I know that. Getting away and having this kind of intensive treatment and being an active participant in it can't hurt. The alternative is that he will binge again and die, commit suicide or end up in jail.

He doesn't drink all that often so a medical detox isn't really necessary. The place he walked into is for all sorts of mental health issues. His therapist told him to go there to get the process rolling because they have resources that he does not. Getting medicaid could take weeks or months. It really is a crisis situation and he needs help now.

Honestly I am just glad to have some peace for myself and although I'll be thinking about him I'm going to focus on me as much as I can.

Thanks again to all of you for your support. xoxoxox
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Old 11-06-2013, 01:06 PM
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I also wanted to add that it helps immensely to have a therapist/substance abuse counselor who really cares. His therapist is amazingly warm, caring and kind. Great sense of humor, but no ********. He's gone above and beyond to try to help my bf. It really does make all the difference. I also think that specifically for drug and alcohol treatment it helps to have someone who's been there themselves. You can tell he's been around the block and knows the pain of addiction.
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Old 11-06-2013, 01:28 PM
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Honestly I am just glad to have some peace for myself and although I'll be thinking about him I'm going to focus on me as much as I can.

Thanks again to all of you for your support. xoxoxox[/QUOTE]

And your quote above shows me why I think you will be/are successful at recovery for yourself! Good for you.

I am glad he is getting help. In the end you will know he has exhausted every single option, successful or not. I am even more glad that he had to put the work into finding it and reaching out for help himself and that you are not in charge of it or of him! It is something he can be proud of too.

So impressed!

Hugs!
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Old 11-06-2013, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
Honestly I am just glad to have some peace for myself and although I'll be thinking about him I'm going to focus on me as much as I can.

Thanks again to all of you for your support. xoxoxox
And your quote above shows me why I think you will be/are successful at recovery for yourself! Good for you.

I am glad he is getting help. In the end you will know he has exhausted every single option, successful or not. I am even more glad that he had to put the work into finding it and reaching out for help himself and that you are not in charge of it or of him! It is something he can be proud of too.

So impressed!

Hugs![/QUOTE]

Thank you. It feels good to hear that. I don't give myself nearly enough credit most of the time, and I am proud of him too, for making the effort to get well.
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