Wisconsin

I noticed that the folks over on the Newcomers board have started a thread on tactics/tools for staying sober over the holidays. I know many of us look upon the holidays with dread. How about we share some tips and suggestions for staying serene and detached during the holiday season?

I'll start.

If I begin to feel like I'm going to obsess, or attempt to control, or otherwise engage in behavior that is going to disrupt my peaceful mind, I can:

1. Take a bath
2. Go down the basement and organize some things
3. Knit
4. Log on to SR and seek support and positive thoughts
5. PRAY! (My go-to prayer in times of extreme stress is "Please [HP], help me," repeated over and over until I calm down enough that I can get a better grasp on what I can do for myself in that situation.)

I will say that I have beefed up my emergency plan, and re-verified the whole thing in anticipation of the holidays. I know I have a safe place to go with the children should my AH go off the deep end. And now I'm trying to release the worries and stress that things will get ugly. I can't control it, I have a good plan in place, and so it's up to me to enjoy myself (and help the kids enjoy themselves) as much as we can. No longer is my AH the most important person in the family 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am prepared for the worst, so now it's time to let go of the obsessive "what if" thinking about how bad things could get.

BoxinRotz

I'll be working! It's a profitable plan for me! lol

Hope you have a beautiful Holiday with your tools!

Wisconsin

That's actually a great tip, Rotz! I ALWAYS have things for work I can make some progress on at home.

FireSprite

Ok, gonna sound silly but I've noticed I've started a little obsession that really helps to control my codie side sometimes - and it's absolutley NOT me to indulge in something so silly. (But I kinda like it...)

I'm addicted to playing Megapolis on my smart phone {there, I said it}. It's a game where you build a city, sort of like the original idea of SimCity but updated. I'm not into video games but there is something about being able to focus my control on this small, fictional world of my own creation. I am building the city as a place *I* would want to live in ~ so full on art district & amusement park areas ~ and it requires just enough mental interaction in building utilities, tax funds, etc. that it keeps both sides of my brain happy at the same time.

When I feel like I'm spinning in my head sometimes I can just stroll through my city instead, go through the tasks & rewards I'm working toward, contemplate which new gaming zones to build, which infrastructure or production buildings I want to invest in next. Or watch the roller coaster spin & the people at the Day Spa enjoying the pool, beachside. It literally removes me from my world for a little while.

hopeful4

Wisconsin....thank you. I am going to work on writing out my plans today, I think it will really help me too. I like your ideas. This really helps me...I appreciate you!

lillamy

Have realistic expectations.

I found that the biggest issue for me during the holidays was that I kept expecting something different than last year. I kept hoping that maybe this year AXH wouldn't get drunk and pass out before the turkey was done. Maybe this year, he wouldn't be too drunk to get up for church on Christmas Day. Maybe this year, he wouldn't yell at the kids that they were ungrateful bastards. Maybe this year, he wouldn't [fill in the blank].

I think if I had gone into the holidays thinking "He will do all of those things, and I can either expect it and make the best of it, or I can expect better and be disappointed."

I would also set some boundaries ahead of time. Like, "I will not let him yell at the kids this holiday season. If he does, I will remove myself and the children from our home."

Charmed3

Absolutely! I could have saved myself so much heartache and grief if I would have not put my trust in words spoken / promises made by an alcoholic.

After the holidays were over (or my birthday or any other special day) he would always express remorse and regret and promise this would never happen again.

I have already left him so it's too late for me to practice realistic expecations this year. But for anyone else still living with an A ...... trust me, having realistic expectations will save you a lot of heartached and grief.

choublak

Saying that poem from the movie The Grey in my head:

Once more into the fray.
Into the last good fight I'll ever know.
Live and die on this day.
Live and die on this day.