lillamy

Wow.
That's just about the most brutally honest post I've seen here.
And you know, some of it just floored me.

My story is different but this hit home with me:

I left my A. He is still drinking himself to death. But I believed -- though I said differently -- that I really wasn't that sick. That it was really all him. That if I could just remove him and his alcoholism from my life, I would snap right back to being the normal healthy person I was before I met him. Yessirree. Because seriously all that Al-Anon "oh I'm so sick I'm a codie" talk? Didn't really apply to me.

Boy was I in for a surprise.

It sucked. I hated it. Hated him. Just like you say.

Let him go. Let him do his thing. Find an Al-Anon meeting and go there and tell them what you told us. I guarantee you people will laugh with you and cry with you and nod their heads and go "Yup. Me too. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt."

Hang in there. With the kind of insight you ahve into your own feelings, you're already a step ahead of where I was.

Hopeworks

I hated my XA too so you are not alone. I even contemplated putting a bullet in between his eyes and had the gun to do it! Go ahead ... make my day... pick up that drink!

Needless to say he left the building in a hurry to go find another drink elsewhere! That was years ago but I was pretty crazy... real crazy actually.

The saddest part about that? We have to be sick and crazy sober while they just go pour themselves another one! LOL.

Anyway... I repeated the rehab cycle about 6 times with the love of my life and he always returned to his first love... the bottle.

My E,S and H is that it does get better. Recovery is for you and you can get detached and look at these crazy situations with wisdom and make positive choices for yourself. Alanon was a lifesaver and I still visit these boards everyday... there is a lot of wisdom here. A lot.

CarryOn

Hi Meggem...I remember you and have been where you are in your post. When I attended my first AlAnon meeting, I was sobbing before they even started because the thoughts running through my head were 'I don't belong here...I can't believe my life has led me to this place...How did I end up having to go to a 12 step program?'

I know RAH has already been home, but there are two things that may help for your communication with him...

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.

And THINK

is it Thoughtful?
is it Honest or Helpful?
is it Intelligent?
is it Necessary?
is it Kind?

Good luck today...I hope your conversation with RAH is productive.

RhodeIsland

I remember, and I'm so impressed with the courage that has grown since the first posts. It's incredible the pain that people in these situations face, and I'm just so amazed you're able to face it head on - even if it took time. I'm glad to see you posting again

you're going to be okay.

RhodeIsland

....We have ....cookies???

Seren

Yep! Fresh out of the oven every morning!!

Coffee just finished, and there's hot water for tea if you prefer

Yancy

This is my first post other than the introduction on the newbie page. I joined this group yesterday for exactly the reasons mentioned in your post. My wife and two grown children are all in recovery. Everyone lives at home. We went thru five treatment programs and they have all been sober for well over a year. The previous five years were the hardest and most emotionally draining of my life. They are all doing fine now, staying sober and working their program. For that I am grateful. But I realize the emotional wounds I carry do not heal on their own. Their sobriety does not make me any better. It makes them better, so here I am. This is a good start for me, and one I desperately need. Thank you again for showing me I'm not alone. I needed that.

CarryOn

Welcome Yancy...and well said. This is what SR and AlAnon/Celebrate Recovery/etc. are for. Us.

hopeful4

Hello and Welcome Yancy! I cannot even imagine how difficult it has to be to have all those people around you. I am glad you have found us!

Keep posting, it really helps and you are definitely not alone!

Blessings!