nervous---court for child custody coming up
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nervous---court for child custody coming up
I just read my XABF's reply to my declaration. He did not hire a lawyer, but he is clearly lacking clear judgement because he wrote that he isn't an alcoholic...even though at our last hearing, the judge told him in that the Court believes he is an alcoholic, which is why my ex was given supervised visitation. I just....don't understand why my ex would have the audacity to claim that he isn't an alcoholic, even after the court hearing???? So he disagrees with what the judge determined??? WHAT??
He goes on to write that I am making false statements, that I am defaming his character, and committing perjury, all because I wrote that he is an alcoholic and that his untreated alcoholism with negatively affect our son. He also claims I am lying, because I wrote in my paperwork that he told me he was attending AA and parenting classes. He stated in the paperwork that he is not attending AA because he claims he is not an alcoholic, and then I think he just stopped attending parenting classes because he probably got bored and just didn't follow through with the course. (I posted a few months ago when he initially told me he was attending AA and parenting classes, and a few people here said to not believe it until I got proof, and that he probably really wasn't going anyway---you all were right on!).
He also did not mention anything about the Facebook pictures he posted of himself drinking alcoholic drinks, or the Facebook status in which he posted in which he wrote that he was getting intoxicated the night before one of his visitations (this is against the court order).
I'm very upset that he is denying his alcoholism AND lying to the court about it yet again. Clearly, our son is not safe with him. I hope the judge upholds supervised visitation and order alcohol testing, just to make sure he is not drinking. Also, I hope his wife who threatened to assault me on Facebook and failed to report his drinking will no longer be the supervisor as well.
His declaration is full of complete and utter lies. He wrote, "I have no idea what she is talking about" in my declaration and he insinuates that I am crazy because he writes that I need counseling. I actually am in counseling, I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
All in all, it was just incredibly damaging to read his crap. Full of lies and hypocrisy. The judge saw through the BS last time and I hope he sees through it again.
Nervous for the hearing later this week. SR, please keep me and my son in your thoughts and prayers. I am asking my HP for extra guidance and comfort.
Take care, SR!
He goes on to write that I am making false statements, that I am defaming his character, and committing perjury, all because I wrote that he is an alcoholic and that his untreated alcoholism with negatively affect our son. He also claims I am lying, because I wrote in my paperwork that he told me he was attending AA and parenting classes. He stated in the paperwork that he is not attending AA because he claims he is not an alcoholic, and then I think he just stopped attending parenting classes because he probably got bored and just didn't follow through with the course. (I posted a few months ago when he initially told me he was attending AA and parenting classes, and a few people here said to not believe it until I got proof, and that he probably really wasn't going anyway---you all were right on!).
He also did not mention anything about the Facebook pictures he posted of himself drinking alcoholic drinks, or the Facebook status in which he posted in which he wrote that he was getting intoxicated the night before one of his visitations (this is against the court order).
I'm very upset that he is denying his alcoholism AND lying to the court about it yet again. Clearly, our son is not safe with him. I hope the judge upholds supervised visitation and order alcohol testing, just to make sure he is not drinking. Also, I hope his wife who threatened to assault me on Facebook and failed to report his drinking will no longer be the supervisor as well.
His declaration is full of complete and utter lies. He wrote, "I have no idea what she is talking about" in my declaration and he insinuates that I am crazy because he writes that I need counseling. I actually am in counseling, I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
All in all, it was just incredibly damaging to read his crap. Full of lies and hypocrisy. The judge saw through the BS last time and I hope he sees through it again.
Nervous for the hearing later this week. SR, please keep me and my son in your thoughts and prayers. I am asking my HP for extra guidance and comfort.
Take care, SR!
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Well - you know what they say about the person who has himself as a lawyer, right? They have a fool for a client...
Try to breathe. These things are super stressful. But if you already have the judge on the record saying the court believes he's an A and therefore should have supervised visitation, then I would think you're in a pretty good spot. Is it the same judge?
Try to breathe. These things are super stressful. But if you already have the judge on the record saying the court believes he's an A and therefore should have supervised visitation, then I would think you're in a pretty good spot. Is it the same judge?
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Thanks for the support, lillamy 
Yes, it is the same judge. At the last hearing, the judge ruled that my ex has an alcohol problem, which was the basis for my ex's supervised visitation. I'm not exactly shocked, but disappointed that he is lying yet again...and makes me fear the worst for my son
He wrote so many outrageous lies in his declaration. I can only hope that it backfires, especially his staunch denial that he isn't an alcoholic.
Yes, it is the same judge. At the last hearing, the judge ruled that my ex has an alcohol problem, which was the basis for my ex's supervised visitation. I'm not exactly shocked, but disappointed that he is lying yet again...and makes me fear the worst for my son
He wrote so many outrageous lies in his declaration. I can only hope that it backfires, especially his staunch denial that he isn't an alcoholic.
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Sorry that you have to go through all the b.s. it stinks. If your ex posted Facebook photos of himself drinking and mentioned that he was getting intoxicated, you lawyer can probably subpoena Facebook for those records. Although it might be tough. In the alternative, have attorney take photos of the Facebook screen showing this stuff. Might work.
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Thanks, Ruby2! Yes, I took screenshots of his FB when he posted pics of his alcoholic drinks and whenever he wrote about being drunk. I printed them and and included them in my paperwork. His response to my declaration and photos was to simply deny that he is an alcoholic.
I know it makes no sense to try to figure out why an A think the way they do, but lying to the Court? Again? And now he's trying to make me look like the crazy one? REALLY?
I know it makes no sense to try to figure out why an A think the way they do, but lying to the Court? Again? And now he's trying to make me look like the crazy one? REALLY?
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I am in court everyday for work. I am never, ever shocked anymore at the load of elephant dung coming out of people's mouths. Especially since I have probably heard it all before coming out of my AH husband's mouth at one time or another.
I am sure your judge hasn't just gotten out of law school and has heard it all before. If he already told your Xabf that he thinks he is an alcoholic, he is not going to be too amused that his order not to drink before visitation was violated. So the x saying that he isn't an alcoholic wont hold much water and doesn't really matter if he is or he isnt. What does matter is that he was ordered not to drink and he still did. AH thinking. Judges don't like it when people don't follow orders. At all.
Good luck.
I am sure your judge hasn't just gotten out of law school and has heard it all before. If he already told your Xabf that he thinks he is an alcoholic, he is not going to be too amused that his order not to drink before visitation was violated. So the x saying that he isn't an alcoholic wont hold much water and doesn't really matter if he is or he isnt. What does matter is that he was ordered not to drink and he still did. AH thinking. Judges don't like it when people don't follow orders. At all.
Good luck.
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Thank you, Springs and Ruby2! I'm banking on the Facebook evidence I submitted. Although I am pretty nervous for court, because I am unable to file an additional response to his reply since he submitted his docs to my lawyer too late and there wasn't enough time for me to file and refute his ridiculous claims
Ahhhh! I just have to keep faith that the best thing will work out in the end.
Ahhhh! I just have to keep faith that the best thing will work out in the end.
And having the same judge is great.
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Well...I just had a very unproductive phone conversation with my exabf.
My ex repeatedly denied he is an alcoholic and he kept insisting that he doesn't drink every day, so that means he isn't an alcoholic. I reminded him about how many times he has told me himself that he is an alcoholic over the past several years. Plus his DUI, drunk in public tickets, and other crazy behavior, and his more recent FB postings. He just said, "No." Brilliant defense right there.
He said, "Even if I did go to AA, nothing is ever enough for you, is it? I'm a great father! I love our son!" But in the next breath he said that if he loses 50% custody again, then he will just move back to our hometown (it's about a seven hour drive away and most of our family and friends still live there, we moved away from everyone to our current city because I started a graduate program here).
He also knows my father is an alcoholic, so he went in for the kill. He said, "What if your mother left your dad and kept you away from him because he was an alcoholic? How would you feel?" I just replied, "It's none of your business." It was only after I began recovery work in the past several months as an ADOC that I no understand that yes, I should have been kept away from my alcoholic father.
He kept saying, "I never thought you would do this to me. Do you know how hard it is to be away from our son? I'm a great father. You just don't him around my wife because you don't like her." (This is the same wife who threatened to assault me and who failed to report his drinking.)
It was just so much garbage, I don't know why I didn't just hang up right away. He was just quaking like any other A, defending his illness to the point that he wrote in his court papers that he is "not an alcoholic."
I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to make an A stop drinking. Nothing at all. I already gave up that codie dream a few months ago when I found recovery, counseling, and SR. For our son's sake, I do wish he seriously sought recovery...but that day may never come. In the end, I can only keep trying to raise my son in the best way possible and protect him with all my power.
My ex repeatedly denied he is an alcoholic and he kept insisting that he doesn't drink every day, so that means he isn't an alcoholic. I reminded him about how many times he has told me himself that he is an alcoholic over the past several years. Plus his DUI, drunk in public tickets, and other crazy behavior, and his more recent FB postings. He just said, "No." Brilliant defense right there.
He said, "Even if I did go to AA, nothing is ever enough for you, is it? I'm a great father! I love our son!" But in the next breath he said that if he loses 50% custody again, then he will just move back to our hometown (it's about a seven hour drive away and most of our family and friends still live there, we moved away from everyone to our current city because I started a graduate program here).
He also knows my father is an alcoholic, so he went in for the kill. He said, "What if your mother left your dad and kept you away from him because he was an alcoholic? How would you feel?" I just replied, "It's none of your business." It was only after I began recovery work in the past several months as an ADOC that I no understand that yes, I should have been kept away from my alcoholic father.
He kept saying, "I never thought you would do this to me. Do you know how hard it is to be away from our son? I'm a great father. You just don't him around my wife because you don't like her." (This is the same wife who threatened to assault me and who failed to report his drinking.)
It was just so much garbage, I don't know why I didn't just hang up right away. He was just quaking like any other A, defending his illness to the point that he wrote in his court papers that he is "not an alcoholic."
I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to make an A stop drinking. Nothing at all. I already gave up that codie dream a few months ago when I found recovery, counseling, and SR. For our son's sake, I do wish he seriously sought recovery...but that day may never come. In the end, I can only keep trying to raise my son in the best way possible and protect him with all my power.
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Oh, hon. For your own sanity, you may want to rethink trying to convince him he is an alcoholic. You don't have to convince him to protect your son. Just the judge.
It would be satisfying to get him to admit it, sure. But don't stake the farm on it. Or your confidence in yourself.
Good luck, you're doing well, keep to your own side of the street and you'll be fine.
It would be satisfying to get him to admit it, sure. But don't stake the farm on it. Or your confidence in yourself.
Good luck, you're doing well, keep to your own side of the street and you'll be fine.
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So true. Thanks, SparkleKitty. I really think he dug his own grave with the judge because of all the ridiculous things he wrote in his declaration.
I have read that phrase a lot on here, to "keep to my own side of the street." I guess I let my nerves and anger get the best of me with this conversation. The conversation was such a waste of my time and energy. Sometimes I feel like I take a few steps back in my recovery and I get a little overwhelmed because it seems like I have so far to go, but I trust myself and where I am in my journey at this moment.
Thanks again for the guidance and support
I have read that phrase a lot on here, to "keep to my own side of the street." I guess I let my nerves and anger get the best of me with this conversation. The conversation was such a waste of my time and energy. Sometimes I feel like I take a few steps back in my recovery and I get a little overwhelmed because it seems like I have so far to go, but I trust myself and where I am in my journey at this moment.
Thanks again for the guidance and support
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I am so sorry you are going through this. There is nothing more frustrating than a ducker who keeps quacking..GRRR....LOL
I engaged in a very negative and codependent behavior and had some very unproductive conversations in the past two days. You know what?! Today is a new day. Someone told me yesterday that being able to spot the behavior is in itself huge progress. I am taking that to heart and I agree. I know it was quacking and I indulged and got myself all upset. Lesson learned. Will try my best not to do that again!
While he cannot see it himself, you clearly see he is an A and it sounds like the judge is seeing things too. Stay calm, you are doing everything you can and that is what counts.
Many hugs to you!
I engaged in a very negative and codependent behavior and had some very unproductive conversations in the past two days. You know what?! Today is a new day. Someone told me yesterday that being able to spot the behavior is in itself huge progress. I am taking that to heart and I agree. I know it was quacking and I indulged and got myself all upset. Lesson learned. Will try my best not to do that again!
While he cannot see it himself, you clearly see he is an A and it sounds like the judge is seeing things too. Stay calm, you are doing everything you can and that is what counts.
Many hugs to you!
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