jessieandme2003

It is Deja Vu, folks.

I lived this whole life last summer. Luckily I am much healthier this summer.

He called to 'see how I was'. Uh huh.

The conversation contained the same parts it always does...

Part 1 - Check how I am doing and if there's a new guy
Chatted all friendly. Took mere moments to ask if there's a new guy. I pretended to not understand the question at first just to make him ask again. Hee hee. Kept at me, not beliveing me. WHen I fianlly asked why he is griling me like that he said he just doesn't want to see me hurt by the wrong guy. I told him there was no new guy, just to get him off the subject.
We chatted about common friends.

Part 2 - Things aren't so great for him
Finally got to talking about what he's been up to. His new love wasn't there this time while he was talking to me, so some different 'truth' came out. She is very controlling, he said. She is harder on him about the drinking than I was, he says. She would freak out if she knew he was talking to me, he says.

I just smiled broadly while saying "Good luck with that."

He said "Yeah, that's what [his best friend] said too."

Part 3 - But he is a better man now
Tells me how he doesn't know where things will go with her. Tells me he has been going to nice restaurants with her, and has cut back hugely on the drinking. Tells me he wants to say Hi to Jessie (I didn't let him) and that he loves her. Tells me I am a great girl, and deserve a great guy, and he knows he isn't it the guy. Kept fishing, saying things like "I know we won't get back together." This time I just said "yup" or "uh huh" in very agreeing-because-its-so-obvious tones.

He went again asking about a guy. I said I was happy on my own, and am having fun with my friends. He sure didn't expect that, and got upset. Last year I would have been crying and saying some nonsense about us being together.

Part 4 - Anger and greed
Of course I am happy, he says, cause I got everything and he got nothing and he should have taken me for half.
At this point I say the conversation is no longer pleasant and I am getting off the phone. He calms down and just says he hates that some other guy will benefit from all he left behind. I say no guy will but he keeps on me about how I will surely date eventually. How he will sleep in 'his' bed. He is making himself nuts, just like last year.

OK, so I was evil. After saying there is no guy a bunch of times and listening to him go on about how he is dating his girl some more, I finally said "Well, there is a guy I like, but he hasn't taken me out or anything. I haven't really let it be known I'd like him to, I only spoke with him once. But it would be amazing if my phone would beep (call waiting) right now and it would be him. I'd love to be taken to dinner or a movie."



He wasn't happy. Asked a million questions about him. Admitted jealousy when I asked why he was freaking out (no kidding, duh), but just went on about wanting to meet whoever I decide to date so he can "make sure he's alright." Yeah, uh huh, I'd do that to some poor unsuspecting 'healthy' guy.

My AH is nuts. He is in the exact same pattern as last year. It is almost a script. Except I am not playing my part the same this time.

But OK, I have to be honest here...
I will take some wicked pleasure in knowing my AH won't sleep well tonight.

Gabe

Bad summer re-run Spunky.
Change the channel.
I'm so glad you're not playing your part in the old, tired script anymore.
Doesn't it feel good?
Hugs,
Gabe

myles1

ME,

Oh take pleasure that he won't sleep well tonight or for quite a few nights for awhile.

I took great pleasure when I had the opportunity to stick it to my ex. They look good with egg all over thier face.

Ngaire

Ann

The drama has become a one-man show. Good for you for your "recovery" behaviour...well maybe except for being glad he won't sleep, but hey, we're entitled to a little self-indulgence.

Hugs
Ann

jessieandme2003

Thanks, all, for being here for me.

I am feeling really great right now. I am pleased to have recognized all my AH's same old ploys and not let myself be taken by any of it.

I did not want him back when he said I was beautiful, or that he was jealous of me with anyone else. Or when he said he drove by the entrance of my neighborhood looking for me at the time I leave in the mroning, just to wave. He was trying to be endearing, and it had no effect. Yay!

I did not want to help him when he said he was broke, or trying to avoid drinking too much. When he tried asking how his mother is, since she has chosen to stand by me and not approve of what he's done.

I did feel... annoyed... that he wanted to say things he believed would hurt me, like that he wasn't drinking or that he was doing things with his new girl that I always wanted him to do with me. He was so obviously just talking nonsense to get to me. His stories don't even match up from time to time. But because he'd want to upset me, his wanting to annoyed me.

The manipulation just all seemed so o-b-v-i-o-u-s. Does that make sense?

I also noticed he was kind of crude, and I never liked that.

Now, he did push one button, so I know I still have work to do. He scared me when he started getting greedy again. Talking about how he should have taken more money from me. But he knows I hate that, so I believe that was a last resort when nothing else worked.

Thank you, all of you, for helping me get to where I could handle this call today. I don't know what tomorrow brings, I am One Day At a Time, but today I done good!

Gabe

Spunky,
Today, you done great.
Here's to a whole lot of tomorrows just like that.

myles1

Me,

They will resort to anything to get what they want. He wants to intimidate you. If he can;t get you back by being nice then he'll start intimidating.

Might I suggest that you write down and date the fact that he said drove by when you go to work in the morning. That is stalking.

Ngaire