choublak

So why are weddings such a big deal?

Why do tv shows, movies, songs, and books always portray the message that "love conquers all"?

I mean obviously none of that is true.

hopeful4

Love definitely does not conquer all! I have no doubt I will always love my husband. He has been my husband for years and fathered my children. That being said, we have issues. We quite likely will separate soon. Not because I don't love him, or that he does not love me. There are issues in life that have nothing to do with love. My husband drinks. I cannot accept that in my life anymore, it is my boundary. When he leaves I will still love him, I just hate the drinking more.

Spinner-007

Don't let the actions of an addict dictate what is real in your life.

Just because they can't love, or return love back to us, doesn't mean you can't love, or find love from others.

By the way, love doesn't really conquer anything. Its given and received freely. It's up to us to give it to those worthy, and to recognize it when it's offered to us.

DG0409

Um, most of the messages from TV shows, movies, songs and books are not true.

Half the songs on the radio also portray drinking as a positive thing. If TV were true, some new lip stick, some anti-depressants with a list of side-effects a mile long, a big mac and some soda would make me a happy, healthy person. If movies and books were the same as real life, we wouldn't bother to watch/read them.

hopeful4

So true! My kids are on a big country music kick and I swear, every song is about one more drink or drinking in some fashion. I'm sick of it!

PaperDolls

How are you choublak? Are you ok?

SparkleKitty

It's not their job to deliver what is true. It's their job to deliver what people WANT to be true.

FireSprite

Agreed... Just because love "doesn't matter" in alcoholism doesn't mean it never matters. Not every relationship is twisted up in addiction and not all people who love are damaged parties, IMO.

choublak

I think I'm thinking too much...again.

PaperDolls

I can relate ..... time to get out of yourself may be? Go do a random act of kindness. Help someone. Even if you're not in the mood.

lizatola

Yes, and even shopping at Walmart can help me "live better", or so they say, LOL!

I remember when I used to believe all those things, until reality slapped me around quite a bit.

choublak

I have a few relatives' weddings coming up. I went to a wedding of another relative, a cousin, in October. In the ceremony and reception there is all this talk about love, about continuing to grow together and love, and I just found it all so...pointless? I don't know.

Upsetnneedhelp

Have you ever looked at yourself? You seem to take every suggestion and run with it. Not every word is literal. Not every saying is correct. You seem to be very intelligent but that is not always a good thing.

DG0409

And 50% of them will end in divorce anyway, so what's the big deal, right???

On the flip side, 50% of them WON'T end in divorce and I think THAT is the big deal.

choublak

I don't seem to, I do lol.

Upsetnneedhelp

Don't take everything so literally. It will help you in the long run. I could tell you some very detailed & interesting stories regarding my son. Some of which is still pending in court. But would it really help you??

thislonelygirl

Love CAN conquer things...
But like with everything theres no guarantee.

Hopeworks

Marriage right now is in the middle of a huge cultural shift. Most couples are older (28 median age), more affluent, have cohabitated with their intended and the wedding is all about the party now. The average wedding costs 28,000.00 and it is not unusual for couples to go into a huge amount of debt to throw the incredible over the top party to celebrate the union.

Why? Because everyone wants the "happily ever after" that we all at one time were hardwired as children to desire above all else. Because every one of us is looking for the bliss and bells and whistles that we hope marriage will bring.

Some of us are older, wiser and have walked many miles in our mocassins and can go to these weddings and see the red flags and alarms bells clanging... I know I have.

But... there are weddings that are joyful and couples that truly love and respect eachother and find happiness together. I like to think that when my children get married it will be that kind of wedding... they are wise kids well raised with plenty of counseling under their belts after rocky starts with an A dad.

Our destiny is determined by our choices and one of the biggest choices is who we let slip a ring on our finger because it can become a noose around our necks! But I still believe that love (chemical brain releases cause the flushing face, butterflies in the tummy and elation) TRUE LOVE is about who the person really, really is in relation to their character. Trustworthiness, fidelity, honor, work ethic, kindness etc... are what a great relationship make and willingness to give more than 50% by both parties!

So... I haven't given up on love... I simply don't want it in a relationship myself! I am happy as a single person and love my life just the way it is. But I love weddings .... hope springs eternal at weddings! Expecially over the top weddings that cost over 100,000.00! Insanity for sure but its like going to Disney World without the admission cost....

choublak

But that doesn't guarantee a happy healthy marriage.

hopeful4

Sadly I wish more than anything I could just be single. Not to party but to coexist with my girls in the happiness of not worrying about my spouse and what he is doing, not doing, etc. If I get divorced I truly and honestly think I will never date again, I just don't see that happening, I DON'T WANT THE HASSLE OF A PARTNER!

That being said, I think it can happen for just the right people.