Wisconsin

I can feel all of this starting to boil up. It has been two months since my AH's last blowup at me over the phone, but there is always all the little stuff...the short temper, the passive aggression, the total lack of interest in me. Some days I just ignore it all, but other days I feel on the brink of blurting out "I can't do this anymore, and I am filing for divorce." There does not really seem to be any particular reason why the little crap bothers me one day, and doesn't bother me the next day.

I know part of that reaction is just me being ready to leave. It's my HP telling me it's time to go, that I'm done, and that's OK. But I'm also trying very hard to stay as detached as possible, because I really want to make it to February before I leave, so my financial situation will be better. I am listening to my HP, and if at some point I am moved to say "I'm done" before February, I am trusting that I will be OK. I am praying that when the words come out of my mouth, it will be because it's the right thing to say at the right time (for me, not for anyone else), rather than a highly emotional reaction to a stressful situation that I am not detaching from.

Trying to let go and let God.

FireSprite

Some of my biggest "breakthroughs" have happened from hearing things come out of my mouth that I wasn't aware I was even thinking. Sometimes I think this is how my HP gets through to me & gets my attention. I can't tell you how many times I've said something & then followed it up with, "I didn't even know I was THINKING that but it makes so much sense!"


Sending you LOTS of groovy mojo today!

dandylion

Wisconsin---It helped me, when talking to QUACKERS to keep a "tape" if the front of my brain that said: "He is a sick Quacker--don't react. He is a sick Quacker--dpn't react. He is a sick Quacker--don't react.............." It is so easy to forget this when they push our hot buttons. So, when the phone rings--turn on the "tape" before you talk to him.

Is there any way you can talk to him less. Make the conversations shorter. ?????
The less you interact with him--the less opportunity for him to irritate you.

dandylion

firebolt

Sending good juju - no matter what happens, you will be OK!!!

lillamy

Prayers, vibes, well-wishes coming your way.
It's a tough situation to be in -- knowing you're leaving but waiting until things are in place. I ended up leaving about nine months before I had planned to, and just as a cheer-you-upper in case you're worried, things worked out anyway even though all the stuff I had wanted in place wasn't.

I like that you're aware and seeing your own reactions. You're doing great.

hopeful4

Sending you big hugs and good thoughts. Keep remembering, in the grand idea of time, from now until Feb is a very short time. I am sure it took alot longer to get you here. You can do this!

((hugs))

Wisconsin

Thanks DL! Two months ago after our last big blowup (the one that dissolved my oldest daughter to tears, which led to me signing her up with a therapist), I instituted a few rules for myself when it comes to phone communication. Weekdays aren't too bad...he calls on his two breaks at work, and we talk for MAYBE 20 seconds. Then we talk once in the evening when I attempt to get our 3-year old to talk on the phone (which he hates doing right now). For myself, I instituted a texting-only rule for after 8 p.m. For myself, I instituted a rule to make an excuse and end a phone call that is going south. Weekends are harder, including Fridays when he only works half a day and is wasted by early afternoon. For myself, I instituted a rule that when I haven't heard from him for awhile, I don't call him anymore to check on him. Because of all of that, my serenity has been soooo much better for the past two months. I need to stick to my rules extra-dilligently right now, as I feel my frustration and eagerness to leave bubbling up and taking over my rational attitude about the whole thing.

Seren

Sorry to hear that things are rough in your world right now....sending hugs and prayers your way!

MsPINKAcres

adding my prayers & good thoughts for you ~

Remember there is nothing chiseled in stone that says you have to stay on the phone if you feel that icky feeling taking over ~ when you start to feel it ~ you have the option, choice and power to say ~ "whoa, hey I gotta run, gotta go pluck my eye brows, plow the back 40, scrub the bath tub, feed the fish, dust the baseboards, clean the oven, mow the lawn, match the socks in the laundry basket, read the IRS codes, or you know anything you can think of "~ or don't even give an excuse - just say I am ready to get off the phone ~
kinda like NO is a complete sentence.
So is Good bye.

be good to you!

pink hugs!

marie1960

Sending you positive thoughts, my friend.

If you can hang on until February great.

If you can't hang on until February, that's ok too.

We really never know when our perceived unanswered prayers will be answered.

Either way, you are in the lifeboat, and it's going to work out exactly the way it will.

((((Hugs)))))

dandylion

"Read the IRS codes"lmaolmaolmao

dandylion

neferkamichael

Wisconsin, rootin for ya.

FeelingGreat

Good ole passive agressive, it will get to you in the end. Keep it up - you can make it. You have a plan, he doesn't (unless you call getting wasted every day a plan).
Lots of positive vibes from me coming your way.

lizatola

Hugs!!! I will send as much positive vibe you need, girl! Just keep turning it over to your HP and all will work out as it should~

Lyssy

Sorry. Posted on the wrong thread.

....
Wisconsin - stay strong.

Impurrfect

Wisconsin - Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

Amy

MsPINKAcres

I know right?????
but doesn't that sound like more fun than listening to "quacking"


Keep up the good work Wisconsin ~
PINK HUGS!

Wisconsin

Just wanted to thank everyone for the tips and all of the positive mojo. That stuff really, really does work, and I am so grateful to you all. All day yesterday (during which I had a hugely important work meeting, and I'm preparing for another stretch of big work stuff in the coming week) I could literally feel the stress and agitation about my personal life fall away. I was able to focus on being totally awesome at work (something that eluded me for over two years). Later, I had some moments of really missing my mom (who passed away in 2011), and I was able to just sit and feel my sadness and grief, without all the other alcoholic crap barging in on my feelings.

What a gift I have given myself! What a gift recovery has given me! And what a gift you all have given me!

Seren

Wisconsin