healthyagain

Please do not think that your reactions can really affect her or change her ways. You can let her know that you are aware of the problem (and do it if it makes YOU feel better), that you are aware of her lying, but here is the problem: When dealing with emotions and life challenges, alcoholics drink. When they are happy, they drink. When they are sad, they drink. When they are upset, they drink. When they feel that they let someone down, they drink. When they feel incompetent, they drink. When you criticize her/confront her, she will not react like a normal person and say "Yes dear hubby, you know, you are right. I will stop this very second". She may actually only use that as an excuse to drink more! Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it is no joke.

Mountainmanbob

best to let her know that

she may be deceiving herself

but

at this time she is not deceiving you

sharing of the truth in a marriage is of most importance

then we have something to build on

no one can build a house that will last without a solid foundation

Mountainman

hopeful4

I have done all of this. Confronted, not confronted, poured it out (although only in the sink lol, not on anything else), hidden it elsewhere myself (that really screws with their head ha), and anything else. Now I am doing something else. If I find it again (which I am sure I will), I am taking photos of it so that I can prove it in court that they were in my house in case I have to fight for custody of my children. It is a sad reality but it is a reality.
I think when he figured out I am serious is when I stopped reacting. The last time he was on some big bender I simply grabbed my daughter and left. I told his sister that he was going to have to leave and I did not think it was a good idea for him to drive. She picked him up and took him to her house. My girls and I did not let it ruin our night at all. We actually went and had some fun that night. I have accepted this is what it is and HE can decide to change when he decides. I have decided to change my own boundaries for myself and my own sanity.

Good Luck and God Bless. My heart goes out to you, I have been where you are many times.

badleybent

You all are awesome!! It's so nice to find so many people who relate to my crazy life! So much experience and insight here. THANK YOU!

While I LOVE the white vinegar switch-a-roo idea, so far I have restrained myself. I let her know I knew in a subtler way. I simply took mountainman's words (thanks mm) and put them on a blank sheet of paper, and left it on the kitchen table.

"sharing of the truth in a marriage is of most importance

then we have something to build on

no one can build a house that will last without a solid foundation"

I think she'll get it. I know it won't do a damn bit of good, but I'll just feel better with her knowing I know without all the drama of a stupid argument.

Thanks again all!!!