Exhausted Wife!

Old 11-01-2013, 01:01 PM
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Exhausted Wife!

I came across this site when I was simply worn out last night with my husband's ranting because I found out he was stealing my pain pills. I have CRPS/RSD and any time of minor injury or issue takes me back to my pain management doc where he will give me an injection and percocet for one or two months (one in the morning and one at night if needed). Recently I tore the misnus (sp?) in my knee and have been in PT 3x a week to get ahead of the curve. So on this injury this is my 2nd month of perocet and doc increased it to 3x a day because I have to go to PT and come back to work. I also have really bad stress migraines that I take fintinel (sp?) with codeine - again, as needed. I had 90 pills to last me at least me several months and I also found out my husband was taking these too.

If you are interested in more I started posting on the newcomers website.

Basically I am just looking for moral support and someone to talk to.....because I'm not ready to make any major life decisions. I love my husband dearly (no matter how much saddnes or pain he brings me) only I didn't realize he had an addictive personality until a couple years after we were married. I keep hoping and praying he will stop sneaking, lying and stealing my prescriptions. He did it before and lasted a couple years. No one to blame but myself - I KNOW, just appreciate related stories, so I don't feel like the ONLY one making decisions I wouldn't accept from anyone else I care about.........
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:48 PM
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I am wondering why you say you have no one to blame but yourself? I am sure you do not want to be hurt to the point of taking prescriptions. So...there is no one to blame but him for taking them. My father in law when he was sick on hospice could not be trusted around pills, they were locked in a fireproof safe that he did not have the key to. That took care of that.

I realize your husband is a different story. I don't know if he is the type to get them from somewhere else if he is not taking yours, then that would be a different problem.

I hope you are getting some sort of support as mistrust such as this can eat at you until you become very bitter. I hope you don't let that happen to you.

Keep posting, you are not alone!
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:10 PM
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Eek!
Ive had a similar thing happen. Its a crappy thing to have happen to you but whats worse than oh he stole from me was oh he stole from my health.
I cried when my ah did this . It was after I had our daughter and because of complications etc I was given pain pills. I woke up the next day (after going home from hospital) and went to take a pain med and they were ALL gone.
Found them ALL soaked and melted in a pile on the floor. ..apparently ah got plastered after I went to sleep took some of my pills because"he was in pain" and has no idea how the rest were ruined. Oh and beside where I found them he was asleep passed out on the couch slumped over but he swears he didnt do anything with them . Ugh huh!
I cried my eyes out . That was the first time I realized he had a problem with more than just alcohol and ever eince if I have medication (I hide it) and if he has medication (I count them)
Sorry that happened to you. Its not fair that it did.
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:14 PM
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I say that because I control my actions, I can't control what he does (or won't stop doing). I hate taking the extra steps to count out my medicine every day and I have purchased 2 different safes with electronic combinations (so there was no key) and he's managed to break into both. He's a senior level professional and great at what he does - even when he only applies 30-50% of his effort. I have the option of leaving the medicine locked up at work, which I usually do. It's the extended weekends or vacation that causes a problem. I'm not here to whine - and I hope it's not coming across that way. I just have no one to talk to about the laundry list of "issues" I'm dealing with. I have my husband, my son - with pot and my then my mom......oh my mom - the hoarder from "you know where'.

Adult protective services had to put her in a nursing home, I'm an only child and I just recently found out - after only knowing that my mother was an orphan left in a trash can in front of a NYC hospital - that she has a family (2 brothers, 1 sister) and was involved in the more seedy part of New Jersey when she ran away at 15 and became a stripper. Of course she's been a very heavy abuser of achohol and pot since probably close to that age - and now she has personality disorder with memory loss. Her mother and father are both dead but I've just started conversaions with one of her brothers. Getting off topic here - but I just wanted to say trying to say I'm having trouble finding my strength most days and MISS my husband (the way he used to be) dearly!!!!
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:24 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Do keep posting because you are not alone! You are clearly overwhelmed, understand that! I hope you go to NARANON or ALANON or Celebrate Recovery or get some sort of face to face help somewhere.

If your husband broke into two safes this is clearly a big problem. I am not telling you to take action only you can decide that, I am just hoping you realize that is major addiction? There is a chance you may never have the husband back you had unless he gets help...and then maybe never still.. which is why I am encouraging you to get help for YOU. You can never ever depend on an addict being who there were before an addiction, or really you either for that matter. It changes you both. The only one person you can take control of is you and how you react.

If I understand correctly, your mom is in the nursing home. So you know she is being taken care of there so give yourself time to breathe from that situation sometimes as it sounds very difficult to deal with.

I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better, for all of us on here. All I can say is I support you. You are not alone. You will find solace and support here, so keep posting!

God Bless!
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:32 PM
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This lonely girl - Thanks for sharing!!!! It really does help when someone just says "hey I understand and it's not fair". We've been married over 10 years and two years ago I thought I was going crazy because I was actually writing the number of pills on the bottle everytime I would get into it (which wasn't every day - more like once a week or so) but it was always coming up short. Little did I know the pen i was using was an erasable one that he so kindly gave me to put right by the pills. I was having panic attacks thinking I was loosing my mind......and you're right, when they take your pills - they are taking so much more!!!!!!!!!! I've told my husband he must go back to marriage counseling with me - because he hates anyone else knowing what's REALLY going on. He likes to put up a front. I've cried my eyes out so many times because I just can't believe HE DID IT AGAIN....."doesn't he care about me?". My heart goes out to you, and anyone else trying to navigate the mindfield of loving the addicted!!!!!! I'm so glad I have found this site - although I will not be able to post often because he is usuallly with me. Thank you all for your kind words, sometimes that is all we need as human beings......kindness.
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Old 11-01-2013, 04:45 PM
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Unfortunately, marriage counseling is a complete waste of time if he is still actively using. Don't bother spending the money on it. Nothing you can do will change him or improve your marriage. The only thing you can do is accept him for who he is and learn to detach, since you have indicated you don't want to leave.
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Old 11-01-2013, 05:10 PM
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It Is nice knowing you aren't alone...sometimes all we need to hear is that someone else understands. When i first found this site i was hesitant but once i started sharing i realized how much weight was on me. that heaviness will make you feel crazy and eventually boils over. i think your at that point that there is so much you have to get off your mind and heal from.This place is one of the best ways to do that. we have all been there one time or another and like you love our partners.So welcome!

I agree with nwgrits however that marriage counseling ....sadly, isn't going to work with an 'active" addict. It took me a bit to realize this but when an addict is actively using regardless if they have a sober day or moment are not "sober". Trying that route will only wear you down because it will just go in one ear out the other with you husband. The best counseling for him would be with a recovery group either aa or individual therapy but until hes sober he's not going to listen up and be the husband you need.
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Old 11-02-2013, 07:40 AM
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If you don't want to or can't leave you will need to learn to detach. And find a good hiding place for the pills.

My AH takes anything not nailed down and even then he would make an effort. Since a safe hasn't worked you will have to be creative. All my valuables and medication are in a zip locked bag, stashed in the basement ceiling. Pain in the neck and pathetic to have to resort to that every day, but I don't want my checks, credit card and bank cards and my and my son's meds walking out the door.

Keep posting. You are not alone.
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