AllThings

I guess I wasn't ready a little over a moth ago when I found this site. Some of you will remember, AH went to rehab in August, found a woman there, started an affair, came home, I ended up in the hospital, everything went on pause as I recovered, he said it was over, he hasn't relapsed.

Last night he didn't come home. I checked the cell phone bill and he has been calling the girlfriend behind my back when he said it was over.

I saw my therapist for over an hour last night. I HAVE to find the strength to kick him out. I have to. I don't want to, I need to, and I am learning there is a huge difference. He hasn't been calling his sponsor or going to meetings lately. But, ironically, he HAD been sober. I do not know if he got drunk last night or not.

I love him, I hate that the dream is ending, but I cannot continue to live like this. He has been to rehab four times in our 15 mo marriage, and now he's cheating and continues to cheat.

So, help me find the strength to be strong and kick him out. Please...

Hopeworks

I know this is hard to hear but this man is doing you a HUGE favor by showing who he really (really) is... and now you know that you know that he is not relationship material!

If he isn't drinking trust me he will be soon because he is acting in such a insensitive, selfish and foolish manner... it's King Baby who has to impulsively and addictively fill his need to indulge himself at whatever cost or expense to others.

I had one of those. 4 years I spent believing the lies, cleaning up the messes, crying a river for "soul mate" who was the one who was going to beat the odds. Rehab after rehab over and over and over again.

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than to ever live like that again! But while you are in it... like now for you... it is an altered reality and your brain is dumping chemicals and your body is dumping chemicals that are causing these intense feelings of anxiety, pain and unbearable heart ache.

Darling...it DOES go away! Someday you will look back and scratch your head and try to figure out what kept you glued to his side and struggling to make the relationship work when clearly they simply can be really, really bad choices!

My life is SOOOOO much better now! I am living the dream in paradise and I have serenity, peace and tranquility except when I create my own chaos with working too hard... but it is MY Chaos!

Why live in someone elses chaotic, crazy, insane, alcoholic world and they give us teeny morsels when we give our EVERYTHING????? Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering when he is going to relapse? If he is going to give you some incurable venereal disease? I did that... and guess what? HE always, always relapsed! Usually driving one of my cars! Uggggggh.

Why? Because of bad brain chemicals. lol. And in my case I have a very bad picker! But my picker was trainable and now has an amazing ability to immediately pick out the alcoholics, losers and idiots in a room full of men.

You can do it! You can make it! You can change your life and your future can be great... lose the baggage and the swimming gets so much easier!

neferkamichael

AllThings, rootin for ya.

honeypig

And that is all that it was, AllThings, a dream...

As you say, 4 rehabs in 15 months, cheating after 15 months of marriage--it sounds as if there have been problems pretty much from the get-go. So many of us marry a dream, marry someone's potential, and waste years waiting for that dream to come true, for that potential to be realized, thinking that somehow WE can make that happen, not understanding that it's not our choice, it has nothing at all to do w/US.

Sigh. So eventually we realize that, and we mourn the dream and then we move on.

Get to Alanon if you haven't done so already. You say you're looking for support, and they will give you lots of real-world support.

Start doing the things you need to do to end the marriage. Talk to a lawyer, find out how things will work, and get the process in motion.

As others have said, he is showing you who he is. It will not improve with time, so don't let him steal any more of yours.

atalose

You find your strength by telling the person looking back at you in the mirror that YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER then what this man could ever offer you.

You tell that person that being second to alcohol or another woman will NEVER be acceptable.

You tell that person that she doesn't have to give up all her future dreams and hopes that she just has to accept that those dreams and hopes will NOT possible with this man.

You tell that person looking back at you in the mirror they you can be strong enough to let go and send him packing.

Then you quietly thank this other woman for taking away your garbage.

And get on with your lovely life.

hopeful4

Please understand that just because you have a dream does not mean he has to be in it. He has obviously shown he was never committed in the first place. Your dream is a lie. Please please kick him out, you have the golden opportunity to do it now. Stop analyzing why and if he was sober or not. He is not committed to you and your relationship so you have to set your boundary for yourself and know you cannot tolerate this.

You can do this! Keep posting, you are not alone!

NYCDoglvr

Time to ask yourself: do you trust and respect him? If not there's no basis for any relationship. I got tremendous support at Alanon, which helped me cut ties to someone who was hurting me and let go. I hope you can go to Alanon. In the meantime, use the experience of people who have been where you are on this site. You're in the right place.

thislonelygirl

You deserve happiness and respect!
It is hard but YOU need to move on and forward. Do it for you.
And shame on that skank...there are a few things that are disgusting, women who sleep with married men are one of them and fyi....she DESERVES every bituof your alcoholic cheating husband. Remove yourself from their stupidity and web and get happy!

pravchaw

I dont think its a dream sister, more of a nightmare. The sooner it ends the better off you will be.

marie1960

While this chapter of your life is ending, I can assure you this is not the end of the story.

All of the hopes and dreams you have inside of you, will still be with you.

In time you will see, this guy never was " your happily ever after."

What you are searching for is already inside of you, another human being cannot complete you, they can add joy to our lives, they can enrich our lives, but they cannot make us feel whole. We really have a responsibility to ourselves to figure out what makes us tick. Looking to others for our personal happiness seems to end in sadness, and remorse.

Don't let your light shine under a bucket now,

SteppingStone

I really feel for you. My RABF moved out 3.5 weeks ago and I'm really hurt but nothing like I was a week ago before finding this site. The difference in 1 week is unbelievable. I'm not saying in a week it's all going to be better but I AM saying that this site helps and there are a lot of people who have been through the same as someone else, therefore the advice they give is from experience.

I agree with Honeybee, see a lawyer & get the wheels in motion to get his sorry ass out of your life. He'll realise that the grass ain't greener on the other side but it's too late. Leave him before he leaves you. It'll make you stronger. The sooner you get him out of your life, the sooner you can heal from this, learn from this and move forward to a better life..........a life you deserve.

You are worth so much more than how he is treating you and you deserve so much better so don't sell yourself short. Get to an Al-anon meeting or Families Anonymous meeting and keep coming back here. We're all here for you. *Gentle Hugs*