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Has Alcoholism Ruined the Holiday Season for Anyone Else?

Old 10-31-2013, 06:36 PM
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Thankfully holidays are now taken out of my hands and I need not worry. My husband is an only child and his parents are divorced and incommunicado. Mother in law is goofy and usually spends holidays on her own. My family has taken to spending all holidays with my now 93 year old grandfather. He lives alone, drives, golfs four days a week, weather permitting, but doesn't care to drive an hour to reach the rest of us as his eyesight has been getting worse(I think he uses that as an excuse, but hey, he is 93.)

He and my now deceased grandmother decided over twenty years ago that they drank too much and quit cold turkey, never to drink again. no alcohol in the house. So, if my husband cannot go because he is not"feeling well" he stays home and I go with the kids.

I do think that in addition to being an alcoholic my AH has a social anxiety disorde. Most of his extreme drunks have happened when we were hosting our kids' birthday parties. AH didn't make it to our son's second birthday party which i now recall was the day that I called an ambulance because I though he was having a seizure and he later dragged me out of the car when he refused treatment and I went to pick him up. I posted on that earlier.

Solid isn't miss him holidays. He will be sober in the a.m. If he misses the later part of the day, the kids still have fun.
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Old 10-31-2013, 07:53 PM
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Guess I will jump in. Lots of holidays with drama. I quit drinking 2 years ago. AH missed trick or treating tonight because he had to go to the neighbors and drink. Missed the whole thing.. 10 yo beautiful daughter dressed up as a cute cookie monster... And he misses it. Now he is home complaining about every little thing.... I'm so over it.

Tomorrow is my two year anniversary from drinking... He says "I don't know what to say... I don't understand it. " yea, no kidding!!
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:07 PM
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Not anymore!!! Haven't had a holiday with my FOO or AM in nearly three years, and I don't miss it one bit!
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:43 PM
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Well it was 7 years ago today STBX went to ER overdosed on Xanax and alcohol for the 3rd time in 10 days. The next day Nov 1st to detox and on to rehab for the 1st time. It was so awful and little did I know it WAS going to get worse.

Yep, for the last 7 years, every holiday, every birthday I spent alone or wishing I was alone.

He comes from a whole family of A's. They never supported his attempts at sobriety, but how could they? They are all worked up now, how dare I leave and blame him because he is an alcoholic. According to them he never had a problem, I am just an uptight crazy b***h that hates alcohol.

I really enjoyed Halloween tonight and I am looking forward to calm, peaceful and alcohol free holidays this year.
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:50 PM
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I am seconding Carlotta on the auto correct. Last sentence of my post made no sense. Even to me and I wrote it.
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Old 11-01-2013, 12:03 AM
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My father used to start out happy and jolly on christmas eve...soon he would become snappy and cynical then later in the evening he would be mega drunk in front of the fireplace alone crying and talking to himself....tis the season!
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Old 11-01-2013, 05:14 AM
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I remember the moment when I thought it was really wacky that my AH (probably then still my ABF) associated Christmas with liquor. In my family, Christmas was a religious celebration. Of course, we did all the secular stuff, but drinking was never on the list of things we looked forward to about Christmas. (Even when I was young and my AF was present at home, he never drank at Christmas).

So it was really weird to me when not only AH, but AMIL would just get plastered every Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day was for nursing hangovers. I remember one Christmas when my MIL, then probably in her 70s, passed out on the couch with her leg draped high over the back of it, and she peed in the cushion. Talk about stripping any shred of dignity from yourself and from the holiday. This was Grandma! The person that, when sober, had total control of her life, was a very hard working person, and always looked her best.

And I won't even talk about AH.. he was just business as usual on Christmas. Christmas Eve he's always committed to getting to church--and he's always drunk. We joined a church a couple of years ago, and last year, the unwitting minister asked DH to give a reading for the Christmas Eve service. No one will forget that reading I'm sure. Take one narcissistic adult with training in theatre techniques and a very dramatic flair, and then add a pint of vodka. People still talk about that reading.

(And by the way, the minister last spring had to tell AH that if he couldn't come to church sober on Sunday morning, he couldn't come at all. So... he hasn't been back for months. He jokes about getting kicked out of a church.)

So yeah, the holidays are never RUINED, because I've learned how to roll and detach and I refuse to have them ruined. But they sure are interesting.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:27 AM
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Oh, of course! (BTW, I am actually amazed that our Halloween was half-way decent, but only because he paced himself on time.)

For my husband, holidays have been invented for drinking. The problem is that once he goes over the limit, his behavior becomes unbearable. It really looks like someone pushes the button - there is a mood swing within seconds. At least now I know this is something he does not do on purpose and he absolutely has no control over it anymore. It is alcoholism and it is really ugly. This is when I stay away.
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Old 11-01-2013, 10:28 AM
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Almost every holiday is now associated with bad memories for me. Thanksgiving reminds me of the times my stbxah was drunk and shaky and he dropped a knife on his foot. He cut open a vein and I had to take him the ER and all the food in the oven that was half way cooked was ruined. He actually did this two years in a row. You would think he would have been more careful after the first time. Or at least put on some shoes if he was going to be drunk and using a knife. The 4th of July reminds of our first year of marriage when he was arrested for DUI while driving home to pick me up to go see fireworks. Both our birthdays were always ruined by alcohol fueled arguments. Nearly every anniversary involved me spending a lot of time getting dressed up for a promised nice dinner and him telling me as we were getting ready to leave he had to run a quick errand and he would be back in 5 or 10 minutes. He would return 4 or 5 hours later drunk and angry that I wasn't still dressed up waiting by the door to leave. I must be a slow learner. Or foolishly optimistic because every anniversary I would spend and hour getting dressed up only to have to day end up the same. We separated two weeks before Christmas last year. I have no other family in this state and spent the day alone. And it was the happiest holiday I had in 10 years.
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Old 11-01-2013, 10:36 AM
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Yesterday was such a reminder to me that *I* can control how I view the holidays. It is within my power to enjoy them regardless of what is going on, and replace the bad memories with good ones.
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Old 11-01-2013, 11:43 AM
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Wow thank you all so much for sharing. I am sure these things are hard to type and to dredge up. Yet it makes me feel so much less alone, so thank you!

My husband stayed sober last night, it was a great Halloween despite some iffy weather. Glad to have a great memory!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I apprecite you all so much.
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Old 11-02-2013, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by marie1960 View Post
Yes indeed, let me think back, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Valentine's Day, St. Patty's Day, 4th of July, Kwanza, Mother's Day, Father's Day......... all ruined.

Also ....... Ground Hogs Day, Earth Day, Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day, pretty much any day ending in a Y.
This just made me laugh. Good job.

These days when I am alone so much it helps to remember back when I "had someone" and how horrible it really was. This was the kind of post that helps.

Another Thanksgiving (and a birthday party for my elderly mother) is coming up, and I'm the only one in the family without an S.O. But you know what? It's still better than being the one that brings the drunk to all the family events!
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Old 11-02-2013, 07:48 AM
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Active Alcoholism, alcohol, drunken behavior has certainly ruined many holidays and seasons, not just for me, but also for family and friends. Though later on I'm sure they enjoyed many a great holiday without me.

Thank goodness, by living the programs of AA and Alanon I have had decades of the best holidays ever.
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Old 11-02-2013, 08:23 AM
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you know this post got me thinking about what holidays ah hasn't ruined.....hmm...im still trying to think lol. The worst memories are of our child's first birthday i caught him involved with another woman (Hooker,skank, Trash lol there was nothing lady about her!) another was christmas i was sick and he refused to let me sleep because he "couldn't" sleep he was being a bully, i cried and he called me names. there were others where he completely took off and disappeared on me getting plastered with who knows who, doing who knows what and coming home a complete grouch. ofcourse he's cut himself,hurt himself etc on accident because he was soooooo drunk he couldn't function properly. hes spent large amounts of money on the holidays, he's been embarrassing and rude and he's made special occasions between just him and i into me by myself and him passed out on the floor laying in his own drool. I try to focus on just my kids and not my ah or make plans with ah anymore for those reasons. now i say its about me and the kids, ah just happens to be here.....if he goes to sleep yay!!

oh and my birthday this year which was super special for more than just my birthday my ah completely and utterly ruined by getting hammered, taking off and then being a d***. i cried then too!!
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Old 11-02-2013, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by thislonelygirl View Post
mines already started. I love how he gets all in a bad mood as if its normal. doesnt want to do anything etc and then his mood suddenly changes. like its not obvious when he takes a glass into the bathroom.
Had to chuckle. Like it's not obvious when my husband is "sneaking"out to his truck every few minutes too...lol...

Idiots.
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Old 11-02-2013, 11:57 AM
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Yes. Every holiday is a worry for me now. My son is sober, but every time a holiday or special occasion rolls around I tend to worry about whether he'll stay that way. He's away at college and the thought always comes into my head that he may be at a party drinking. Football season is bad too because I worry that he'll be tailgating. I can't decided whether to serve wine to my guests at Christmas, and I'm not much of a drinker, but I'd like to have a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve but don't serve it because of his alcoholism. If he was further along in his recovery I might feel better about serving drinks, but since it's only been a year I just can't bring myself to do it. Frustrating.
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Old 11-02-2013, 12:02 PM
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Absolutely, all holidays are ruined.
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Old 11-02-2013, 09:44 PM
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Originally Posted by thislonelygirl View Post
you know this post got me thinking about what holidays ah hasn't ruined.....hmm...im still trying to think lol. The worst memories are of our child's first birthday i caught him involved with another woman (Hooker,skank, Trash lol there was nothing lady about her!) another was christmas i was sick and he refused to let me sleep because he "couldn't" sleep he was being a bully, i cried and he called me names. there were others where he completely took off and disappeared on me getting plastered with who knows who, doing who knows what and coming home a complete grouch. ofcourse he's cut himself,hurt himself etc on accident because he was soooooo drunk he couldn't function properly. hes spent large amounts of money on the holidays, he's been embarrassing and rude and he's made special occasions between just him and i into me by myself and him passed out on the floor laying in his own drool. I try to focus on just my kids and not my ah or make plans with ah anymore for those reasons. now i say its about me and the kids, ah just happens to be here.....if he goes to sleep yay!!

oh and my birthday this year which was super special for more than just my birthday my ah completely and utterly ruined by getting hammered, taking off and then being a d***. i cried then too!!
Oh dear God, how those buried memories arise and make me cringe.

On our daughter's first birthday, I had a backyard party planned at my mom's house--she had the space. Stupid Drunkass Husband was told that I would be at my mom's getting everything ready and would come back (we lived half an hour from my mother) and pick him up--please be ready--swing by the bakery, pick up the cake, and be off to the party. All he had to do was be ready to be picked up.

I got back to my house to find him on the living room floor watching a porn flick. Yes, five o'clock on the afternoon on the day of our daughter's first birthday and that's what he was all about. I said, "Are you READY" and get this--GET THIS--he says, "why don't you take a few minutes and just sit down with me here?" Yes, folks. Our baby girl's first birthday--an entire family waiting to get a party going--and this friggin loser waste of a human being has sex and porn on his mind. Unbelievable.

It was one of those moments when I knew-KNEW-that our marriage was already hopeless.
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Old 11-03-2013, 12:55 AM
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Christmas was a really hard holiday for me, because my mom had ruined so many. I have now spent the last 7 years of holidays away from my FOO, and have been able to enjoy it some again.
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Oh dear God, how those buried memories arise and make me cringe.

On our daughter's first birthday, I had a backyard party planned at my mom's house--she had the space. Stupid Drunkass Husband was told that I would be at my mom's getting everything ready and would come back (we lived half an hour from my mother) and pick him up--please be ready--swing by the bakery, pick up the cake, and be off to the party. All he had to do was be ready to be picked up.

I got back to my house to find him on the living room floor watching a porn flick. Yes, five o'clock on the afternoon on the day of our daughter's first birthday and that's what he was all about. I said, "Are you READY" and get this--GET THIS--he says, "why don't you take a few minutes and just sit down with me here?" Yes, folks. Our baby girl's first birthday--an entire family waiting to get a party going--and this friggin loser waste of a human being has sex and porn on his mind. Unbelievable.

It was one of those moments when I knew-KNEW-that our marriage was already hopeless.
wow. all i can say. just wow. My ah actually told me after our incident that if i put out more he wouldn't look elsewhere. how disgusting .....Not to mention complete bs since the night before we were intimate. BARF!! drunks and idiots!
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