befuddled1

Hi after mornin of quacks, phone rows and generally me having a weak day and not dealing with it well. My abf broke promise about somethin again - I'm pretty good at going no contact for a few days then it becomes harder and I soften. How do you stick to it for longer so he gets the message - he varies in his contact from nothing to a few calls and or txts. He is due in rehab in a months time and I would still be interested in him as in how he is doing. Do I do that through him his brother, mother or not at all? Currently I am having water of being really angry with him and not bothered that he lied as I half expected it. I'm not bothered if we end it either but how do I not cave in and get lured back again? Thanks again in advance xx

Ruby2

Get busy doing something, anything to distract you. My phone is always on silent mode because of work so then I am not immediately driven to look at it or pick it up. That helps a lot when coupled with the stay busy part.

I guess it all depends on what you want from this. If you want to take a wait and see stance depending on his rehab and subsequent actions I would clearly and plainly tell him that you are happy for him that he is taking this step, that you care that he gains and maintains sobriety, but until then,you do not want to hear from him.

This all depends on what all else is going on in your relationship. And my suggestion would change if he were abusive. Even with all that said, maintain a distance after he completes rehab. Especially if he is prone to lying.

Hawkeye13

Ditto. This sounds like a lot of short and possibly long-term suffering for anyone involved with this person, and if you are really OK with moving on, that might be your best bet. What does your heart tell you about what his actions, including lying, mean about his respect and feelings towards you? Good luck and be strong.

befuddled1

Thanks guys, Iv invited my daughters best friend around they're both age 4 n 5 so as its Halloween we've been doing face painting, arts and crafts and baking so busy busy so far then party this evening. In my heart I want to be just friends but easier said than done sometimes - he is emotionally abusive (not sure if he is aware of this or not) but has never been verbally or physically abusive. I'm finding it hard to make the final break and it's the codie in me that usually caves in to see how he's doing and I know I'd feel guilty this close to rehab if I upped and left. However if I don't, I'm not sticking to my boundaries am I? I like the idea ruby of saying about the rehab. I'm gonna try and be strong and not contact him and if he does me, stress about just friends and stick to rehab etc