Detachment or coincidence ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 182
Detachment or coincidence ?
I have had a really good couple of days.
I came out of a meeting at work yesterday and offered someone a ride that took me out of my way because I had a spare hour (thinking about the bit on the Alanon bookmark about doing good turns) Normally I would be way too wrapped up in what was happening with my A and would use a spare hour to sort something for him or even just get some quality worrying time in.
Anyway we ended up in a conversation about a medical condition we have family members in common suffering from (again unusual for me to "waste time"talking about something like this) which led to her mentioning she divorced ten years ago from her son's alcoholic father. Then for the first time ever(except in Alanon) I talked about my A and his issues in "real life". She didn't cringe or change the subject or suddenly consider me incapable of doing my job. In fact we have tentative arrangements to meet again socially and I believe I have a new friend and a valuable professional connection.
Laughed and talked some with my A last night then let a load of quacking (while he tried to be "humorous" about me going to AlAnon) go right over my head. It really didn't touch me.
Had some bright ideas at work today.
I'm not saying everything in the garden is roses but I think maybe I'm seeing some payback from all the work on detachment? In fact the very fact that I can acknowledge something as positive that doesn't relate directly to my partner has to be a step forward.
You think ?
I came out of a meeting at work yesterday and offered someone a ride that took me out of my way because I had a spare hour (thinking about the bit on the Alanon bookmark about doing good turns) Normally I would be way too wrapped up in what was happening with my A and would use a spare hour to sort something for him or even just get some quality worrying time in.
Anyway we ended up in a conversation about a medical condition we have family members in common suffering from (again unusual for me to "waste time"talking about something like this) which led to her mentioning she divorced ten years ago from her son's alcoholic father. Then for the first time ever(except in Alanon) I talked about my A and his issues in "real life". She didn't cringe or change the subject or suddenly consider me incapable of doing my job. In fact we have tentative arrangements to meet again socially and I believe I have a new friend and a valuable professional connection.
Laughed and talked some with my A last night then let a load of quacking (while he tried to be "humorous" about me going to AlAnon) go right over my head. It really didn't touch me.
Had some bright ideas at work today.
I'm not saying everything in the garden is roses but I think maybe I'm seeing some payback from all the work on detachment? In fact the very fact that I can acknowledge something as positive that doesn't relate directly to my partner has to be a step forward.
You think ?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
I love it!!! I think it's super progress! And it feels sooooo good too, doesn't it?
I did some good detachment work this weekend too. I admit I'm fretting a little bit about it now, but at the time I didn't let it bother me and went right on along with my business. Didn't argue, didn't care take, just kept on.
And Yay for new friends.
I did some good detachment work this weekend too. I admit I'm fretting a little bit about it now, but at the time I didn't let it bother me and went right on along with my business. Didn't argue, didn't care take, just kept on.
And Yay for new friends.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
That is wonderful! Think about before you were working on you. You already stated you would have been too wrapped up to even offer the ride in the first place. Now you have the internal rewarding experience of doing something nice for someone and gaining joyful insight and friendship from it. THAT IS HOW LIFE SHOULD BE! We get so wrapped up into these awful codie relationships that we forget just how joyful life can be. You are getting to who YOU truly are. Wonderful and very inspiring!
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Detachment or coincidence?
dunno, but I would submit -- neither.
I think you are just starting to see some of Really Good Stuff. Super!
===========
THE A.A. PROMISES (they work for us, too)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
==============
It is amazing isn't it?
I had no idea how and where He places the Angels for us.
Turns out the Most Senior Electrical Engineer where I am working (I am a mere peon, at this level) -- he is 84 years old, still on the job -- and has over 30 years AA. When I first met him at the local AA hall -- and he knew my name, I could not even figure out he was the same guy -- for 3 weeks! Just could not register with me.
It is sort of like God is just laughing and winking at you or something.
So when it came time to ship Mrs. Hammer to rehab, and I had to take off time for the "family emergency," the path just opened, and all was well. When she came back from rehab all nuts and I had to take off more time -- The Senior EE just nodded and said, "I do not envy you." Again, all the time I/we needed. And then welcomed me back.
jj -- the Angels are EVERYWHERE. But until our eyes are opened, we just cannot see them.
dunno, but I would submit -- neither.
I think you are just starting to see some of Really Good Stuff. Super!
===========
THE A.A. PROMISES (they work for us, too)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
==============
It is amazing isn't it?
I had no idea how and where He places the Angels for us.
Turns out the Most Senior Electrical Engineer where I am working (I am a mere peon, at this level) -- he is 84 years old, still on the job -- and has over 30 years AA. When I first met him at the local AA hall -- and he knew my name, I could not even figure out he was the same guy -- for 3 weeks! Just could not register with me.
It is sort of like God is just laughing and winking at you or something.
So when it came time to ship Mrs. Hammer to rehab, and I had to take off time for the "family emergency," the path just opened, and all was well. When she came back from rehab all nuts and I had to take off more time -- The Senior EE just nodded and said, "I do not envy you." Again, all the time I/we needed. And then welcomed me back.
jj -- the Angels are EVERYWHERE. But until our eyes are opened, we just cannot see them.
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