readerbaby71

I'm not going to blame it on anyone but myself. I've had a good handle on my sobriety for a while. Been in a relationship with an alcoholic. When he didn't come home tonight again, I gave myself permission to get drunk just to quell the pain. I know it won't be a bender or anything like that but it's still stupid. He came home and wasn't drunk, but he still ignored me when I had texted and called. He said he didn't know why he did this. Do I need validation from someone so much that I'll ruin my own sobriety for this? I had a horrible day and I told him specifically that I needed him here tonight. When I called and texted, nothing.

I had a really crap (pardon the pun) day.

This morning I was feeling good about life, planning to only work a few hours and come home to finish a freelance article I'm working on that was due today. I went to my therapy in the morning and it was a great session.

This morning I unlocked the door to my work and thought, "Man, it stinks in here." Walked down the hallway to discover water and raw sewage all over the place.

I am not shitting you (ha, no pun intended), I sat down and cried for ten minutes. I was so frustrated. We got the carpet cleaners and plumber there and everything's okay now, but I got so fricking worked up. I hate it when things like this happen, especially when you have more important things to do. My boss is also a huge complainer so it's just one more thing we'll be hearing about for the next week or so.

We also found out that the clog was caused by grease and food from the restaurant upstairs. C'mon, there is NO reason for disposing of that stuff by pouring it down the drain. Jesus.

I feel like a pathetic ******* right now. I used today as an excuse to drink to feel better Not only that, I am drinking to punish him. Not good. Help.

NWGRITS

So, you're at Step 1 again. Good. Step 2 follows Step 1 and so on. You seem to be earnestly wanting to maintain sobriety. Don't beat yourself up over it. Instead, go to a meeting (or two, if you're fortunate enough to live in an area with a selection of them). Back on the wagon with you!

Seren

Hello Readerbaby,

I'm sorry it was a lousy, awful day. It doesn't sound like fun at all, and now you will have to practice tuning out the boss, too

Sometimes, lousy, awful days happen, and we do have to change our plans to accomodate it. Like today--I have a lot of work to do, but the grandkids are sick and I may need to drop it all to babysit for a little while. Don't know yet.

Please know that your sobriety--your life--is so very important. Maybe go sign up with the 24 hour club in the Newcomers Daily Support forum and get things kicked off!!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-join-us.html

Hoping that today is much better!!!

HopefulinFLA

So sorry you had such a bad day. Don't beat yourself up too badly, what's done is done. Just get back to your program and make today a better day.

BlueSkies1

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face!

Honestly, who did the drinking punish? Him? Umm...I don't think so.
That's one thing I don't understand about alcoholics. The--I'm mad at the world so I am going to beat myself up!

Unless you are unreasonably clingy, I think asking a live-in partner to call, or be there for you, is a reasonable request.
He said he didn't know why he ignored your messages? That's only true in that he didn't think through why he ignored them. Deep down he knows exactly why he ignored them.

I tend to think whatever he was up to, it wasn't good. Just a hunch based on that a partner *should* return calls.
Yes, I used that word should. There are basic respect requirements for a relationship to succeed.
What I think happened here is--he did something unacceptable, and you punished yourself for it. Probably an element of a self pity-party too.
You two need to have a good talk about the requirement in your relationship that calls are returned in a timely manner. It's a mandated courtesy of a functioning relationship.
In mutual respect relationships--this behavior is very unacceptable, and would no doubt raise the wrath and a good verbal spanking.
In alcoholic relationships--there seems to be this attitude of "let them get away with it".

readerbaby71

I've beat myself up for a few hours and now I'm gonna stop, move on, and go from here. I'll be okay. We have had this discussion over and over and over again. There's nothing more to discuss except ending this f-ed up cycle. Thanks all for your kind words. I appreciate you not judging me. Believe me, I'm judging myself more than anyone else possibly could.

I also realized that I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain last night. Still am, but I am well versed in dealing with it without alcohol.

Skye2

Good for you !!

JustAGirl1971

I have nothing useful to add except that beating myself up just makes me feel worse. And it makes me less likely to do the things I need to do, and more likely to do the things I shouldn't do.

Also, I'm learning that this is exactly what I do: look for validation from someone or something else instead of just learning to love the person that I am (or else change myself to the person I want to be so that I can love the person that I am.)

I'm sorry your day sucked

FireSprite

Considering my other post today about AH relapsing, I really appreciate you posting this update. No matter how I feel about it, it always helps to hear from the other side of the fence too.

No judgments here - good for you for picking yourself up & brushing yourself off today!

Hammer

Well, hey. It is usually easier to find an AA meeting instead of an Alanon meeting, anyway.

And it is sort of fun when everyone is clapping for the 23 hour chip-per, too. Even if they are crying -- for both sad and happy.

Today is a new day.