When Will I Ever Get Over Him
 

Hi again everyone. I have posted recently about breaking up with my alcoholic binge drinking partner. It's been 4 weeks now and I'm still feeling awful. My heart wants him back but my head knows better. I was only with him for 6 months so I feel I should be starting to let go by now. I guess the fact that I have had to have contact with him hasn't helped, about possessions, money etc. the last time was on Sunday night when he came to drop off something to my daughters boyfriend (they work together). He still owes me money for some bills he said he would help me with, and as I couldn't get any sense out of him by texting I went out to his car to ask him myself. Well of course, he had been drinking and his smart ass comments turned me into the "psycho" that he is good at doing and I went off, calling him a drunken f...head. I hate myself when that happens, I feel like I'm just dropping to his level. Then of course I have really down days following, wondering whether I have done the right thing, will I ever, at 50 years old ever find love again etc etc. I guess I do still love him. When he wasn't drinking, I couldn't ask for anything better, but the drinking just turned him into someone else and I couldn't live with his unreliability, disrespect and awful behaviour. I seem to have had a whole heap of things go wrong since we broke up, my father has been sick and in and out of hospital, my daughter injured herself and had to spend a night in hospital and has needed help and my best friend is in a critical condition in a city hospital. Not only that, but as I have said previously in my post, I have financial worries, trying to survive now that he's gone on 20 hours per week work, I'm unable to do more because of my own health issues and I only get a very small amount from Social Security as well as my small wage. I don't have a lot of support, my children are all grown and doing their own thing and I don't have a lot of close friends. Im booked in to see a counsellor on 22nd November. As i live in a very small town, there is not a lot if services and theres a waiting list.It is just so so difficult, I miss him so badly, the good parts anyway, and I feel so alone. When does it end??!!!!:gaah

Des,

Sending you positive vibes. It really is tough and at 4 weeks it is still really fresh. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. When you are able to go no contact I would definitely recommend it. It really helps.

Feeling so alone is part of the withdrawal, be thankful it was only 6 months and do the best you can. That's all any of us can do.

There sadness can be overwhelming. sorry me too.

You aren't just grieving a lost relationship. You are also having to process the impact of his alcoholism on the relationship and on YOU. Be kind to yourself and use this as an opportunity to work on you. There's a reason we codies choose poorly in our relationships. Once we get to the bottom of that, finding healthy relationships gets easier.

Breaking up with someone affects the brain ... it like an addiction. Don't feed the addiction with obsessively thinking about him. If you don't give it space in your brain then you will get over it quicker.

Forget about the money... its a tie. Go no contact. Change his contact name in your phone to DNA (do not answer) or block entirely. Tell your son, friends not to talk about him. If you see him in public go the other way.

He is not relationship material. period. Move on and you will get the relief you are looking for sooner.

Have you found an alanon group yet? Hugely helpful to me. Good luck.