Luri

I am heavy into a pity party at the moment. Its that time of the month so I'm already hormonal. My RAH isn't working. He was given notice that he will be without a job at the end of November and hasn't done a damn thing to look for a new one. I am losing my mind. I am angry. He just lays in bed sleeping until 1 or 2pm and then sends me text messages or emails or calls about how bad his day is.

It breaks my heart and pisses me off at the same time because I know he is suffering through this. But he is not doing a damn thing to help himself. And I know I can't help him. And I REALLY know that sending him a text telling him hes a lazy sack of poo won't help.

What I need is an Al-Anon meeting. And to talk to my sponsor. At work so its hard right now haha!

But has anyone here been in a similar situation...carrying the financial burden..filled with self righteous anger?

HELP! PERSPECTIVE NEEDED

Ruby2

I have been in your shoes, carrying the household financial burden while husband wasn't looking for work. It is painful, frustrating and wears you out.

My AH walked into our bedroom one morning after having left for work and told me he had quit his job. At the time he was sober and had been for about a year. He said that if he stayed at this job he was in danger of relapsing. I said "okay" but really, what could I have said other than swearing at him.

I make enough that we can survive without his paycheck so he was to be a stay at home dad. Then we needed more money to cover expenses. He said he would start looking for work when I asked him when he would go back. But he didn't look for work. At the time he was working a very spiritual AA program so his answer was always "God must not want me to go back to work yet." I almost responded "God helps those who help themselves and he isn't going to hand deliver a job on a tray - you have to at least apply for a job."

So yes, I was frustrated, angry, and in general, unhappy with the situation. However, AH has a job now but unfortunately relapsed so it is now a dice roll as to whether his paycheck makes it home intact. Kind of a wash really.

Hang in there! It may be painful for him but he has control over his own pain - he could look for a job. That is not something you can do for him.

FireSprite

Definitely! My RAH struggled with finding employment, seemed to have an entirely different sense of urgency about it, constantly put himself in a position to be taken advantage of (when he did find work), took on a full time apprenticeship for TWO MONTHS to see if it was a viable career change for him..... All the while we have huge debts due to his drinking days and I'm working a job I barely like.

I absolutey understand how you feel!!

choublak

It doesn't sound to me like he was working any program.