NWGRITS

He got one thing right, you AREN'T wired the same. He's an alcoholic and you're not. That's about the only thing he said that isn't complete horseshit. My first marriage was to a Scorpio. They can be great lovers, but also arrogant a-holes when it comes to that. Add in addiction and you've got a world class jerk. All of his words are reflecting his feelings about himself, not you. You didn't make him drink, you can't control his recovery (or lack thereof, since he's already denying he has "that kind of problem"), and you will never magically turn him into this fantasy in your head. He does NOT respect you. He does NOT see any of this the way you do. You are merely a means for maintaining the status quo so that he doesn't have to face reality. You two aren't even in the same universe right now. I would suggest getting to Al-Anon and/or seeing a therapist who is knowledgeable about addiction. The goal here is to get YOU healthy and able to take care of yourself, since that's all you can do.

Ifeelcrazy

I am going to see a councilor at an addiction center. I hear you all logically, it is the emotional side that is hard to control. just overwhelmed and don't know how I got here.

dandylion

Ifeelcrazy--I can understand how you would feel very emotional, right, now--If this has just happened?? I suspect that you are suffering from feelings of abandonment. If this is true....it is common to feel disoriented...in shock...feelings of unreality... This can all be very painful and frightening. I agree that it is a very good idea to see someone in person.

You may feel that your world has been shattered, just now.
You will get through this, though.

dandylion

Missus

I concur - quacking all the way. No matter what you do, there will be something that you aren't doing to make him happy - perhaps the sky is the wrong shade of blue and you need to fix that for him.

And my evil side is trying to work in an astrology joke using the words "head" and "Uranus". Sorry.

shil2587

I hear ya on this one. I don't know how strongly you believe in astrology, but I always find that if I can tell a hurtful situation to another person in a way to make them and me laugh about it, it make it hurt a tiny bit less each time. If you can, in any way at all, laugh at the ridiculousness of what he has said, it helps bring emotions into sync with the head.

But seriously, his star sign makes him drink? That's the ultimate conclusion of what he said. Most, if not all, people in love are caring and nurturing. Therefore it's his star sign that makes him need something else, and presumably his star sign that makes him choose to drink to make himself that much less attractive to anybody. Genius.

Seren

I hope that the answers of others here can help you to see that just because he says something about you--well, that doesn't make it true.

When my ex-husband had an affair, moved out, and filed for divorce, individual counseling did help me quite a bit. I'm rooting for you!

choublak

What grown man is THAT into horoscopes?

NWGRITS

Astrology is so much more than those stupid horoscopes in the newspaper. I am a textbook Gemini in all of my signs, but my husband has so many influences in his moon and rising signs that he doesn't have the hardass Type A traits of a true Virgo. My other Virgo friends are "typical" and have very similar signs in their moon and rising. I should have known my first marriage wouldn't work when I found out my ex was a Scorpio to the core-- we aren't compatible and went down in a blaze of glory. Anyway, being a Scorpio doesn't equal an alcoholic, but it certainly influences his personality, which the alcohol magnifies.

Ifeelcrazy

Well we did have our charts read. He talked me into going because he just new that when I heard all the astrology info and How we are "really" not compatible, that it would convince me of his true sign and his passion needs that I simply don't create in him. Well the funny thing is that his charts all say that his most compatible sign in his charts and the one that calms him, is a Sagittarius and I was born an aries awww BUT according to my chart I am in "transformation" into aaaaa Sagittarius. LOL!!!! He scuffed at me when the dude told him.

Ifeelcrazy

and YES his astrological sign is his basis of all his emotions and how he sees himself. Researched physiology is nonsense.

jaynie04

An Aries woman is a warrior (in a good way)...she could see and raise a Scorpio guy with her eyes closed. Actually probably one of the strongest signs equipped to handle a Scorpio. I am a Gemini but I am surrounded by Aries (my husband, my ex-partner, my therapist now). Aries get things done.

Sags love everyone, they are compatible with everyone. Harness that warrior, and btw, Aries women are known for being fiery. My last assistant was an Aries and she scared the bejesus out of me!!

He's even ludicrous in his ludicrosity!!!!

Ifeelcrazy

I am crossed with both at this point and yes I do get things done and I do problem solve and I don't give up on people I love, I've got his back through thick or thin. I am just beaten down and I keep thinking "how can so many of the check marks that make a great long term relationship(when sober) all be there..except the bedroom???" it really is hard for me and really a low blow that I can not understand. How did I miss girl 101, how to rock the passion. I take care of myself and I don't have a problem getting glances I have a very outgoing personality and I am an overall happy person, until I have been taken out at the knees or maybe girl part. I'm an emotional mess at this point.

boldaslove

As a scorpio, I say it's all quacking. I love passion as much as the next person, and definitely have to be careful not to get caught up in it, but I also understand it's not the foundation for a long term, meaningful, stable relationship. I can find passion with a stranger off the street, the rest of it is a lot harder to find and keep.

Ifeelcrazy

Thank you so much for that boldaslove!!!

HopefulinFLA

I am so sorry your scorpio man is being such an A$$. I know it's hard, but you must find a ticket out of his crazy land and not take this stuff personally. It's ridiculous!

It's been my experience that healthy relationships often start out with lots of passion/lust, but usually taper off to something more mild where the passion is replaced by a deeper more meaningful sense of love and caring. Not to say that the fire is out, but who can go through life and get anything done when sparks are flying ALL the time.

I agree with the others, this is world class quacking and blame shifting at it's finest!

Hang in there!

choublak

Who paid for that, you or him?

Ifeelcrazy

him

amy55

I just have to say, I tried to stay away from this thread, I really really did, it brought up too much pain for me.

It's. all. quacking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

My ex blamed me for everything, when I stopped reacting to that, he attacked me sexually.

I had breast cancer, had a lumpectomy. He told me I wasn't a woman anymore.

He had told me that I was not sexually suggestive to him enough.

He told me I must be a lesbian because I avoided his advances when he was drunk.

When we would have sex, he would disappear 2 days later, every time. I kept a jounal for this. 10 months, every time we had sex he would disappear for about a weeks at a time, and his excuse was that I did not enjoy the sex. So he had to go out and be with his friends.

He is actually abusing you sexually. I'm sorry to be this blunt.

I had cervical cancer. Had to have internal radiation. It shrunk my cervix, had to use a dilator, he had a field day with that one. Again I wasn't even a woman.

He is attacking you the worst way possible, your sexuality. I'm sorry really, but it isn't you, it's him. His feeling of inferiority, his low self-esteem, his lack of confidence.

I know know that even if I still have a problem with intercourse, and penetration, that would be ok with someone who loved me. Just like it would be ok for a man who is impotent. Love is not just the act, it is the feeling, it's the love and compassion you have for the other person. You don't use this to hurt someone.

Still don't know if I should have walked around the block first.

Just want you to know, you are a wonderful, caring, compassionate, and yes passionate person. You love with your heart.

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

amy

Spinner-007

If you're not married, RUN! You don't want this.

Trust me. Married with 4 kids, and still in it.

It won't get better unless he wants sobriety. And he's already making it YOUR problem, which, in fact, it IS your problem if you decide to stay.

This is nothing you can qualify as something to build long term on, so RUN!!!!

Fast, far, and don't look back.

In His Love, Spinner.

Ifeelcrazy

thanks, the reality is hard. this is round 2 for us. 18y sweet hearts life in between and re-kindled 20y later until.....crown and beer became more important. Lots of history, I feel married and abandoned. I have not ever stopped him from leaving. He has made a 20y habit of running, his MO I want you all to come tell him he is stupid and that I am really a catch that he should be protecting from the rest of the world not pushing away and rejecting me. Can you all come do that!!! You all have made my day bearable and kept me from completely loosing it. thank you for giving me a place to share