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Old 06-07-2004, 10:39 AM
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Hello I am new here

Hello,
This is my first time posting a message. My name is shana. My dad is my alcoholic and I have been to 19 Al-Anon meetings now but I Am only 18 years old. I am the youngest in my group and i gave a lead at my 18 meeting. I love my dad but I do not know how to detach with love right now. How do I love my dad but hate him at the same time.

Shana
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Old 06-07-2004, 10:53 AM
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Hey Shana,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
My mom and my ex-husband are alcoholics. I know what it's like to grow up with a parent who's an alcoholic.
I'm sure that you love your Dad very much.
What you're hating is the disease he has.
For me, detachment with love is letting the alcoholic go so they can find their own way.
It's taking your hands off of problems that never belonged to you anyway.
And it's freeing yourself up so that you can find a way to be happy and enjoy life in spite of their drinking problem.
I'm glad you joined us, stick around.
Gabe
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Old 06-07-2004, 10:57 AM
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Hi Shana
Welcome to SR... You can get alot of support and understanding here.
Try posting a thread in the Al-Anon Forum. You will get a more direct response to your questions. I am an alcoholic and know all to clearly how we can make other peoples life so difficult.
Glad you are here...
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Old 06-07-2004, 11:08 AM
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Shana -
Welcome! Glad you decided to post. You'll find a lot of strength and inspiration here. Looking forward to getting to know you.
L
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Old 06-07-2004, 11:09 AM
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Hey kel,
This is the Alanon Forum.
Unless I've taken a wrong turn somewhere in Sober Recoveryville again.
I hate it when I do that.
Gabe
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Old 06-07-2004, 12:09 PM
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Hi Shana,

Welcome!
I too grew up with an alcoholic father - first my natural father and then my step- father.
I too hated them when they were drinking and hated my natural father for a much longer time after he stopped drinking.
What I had to remember was that he did the best he could with what he had. He did not drink to make my life miserable. He is an alcoholic. He is a work in progress and so am I!
Keep going to Al-Anon meetings and don't worry about being the youngest one there. You're Experience, Strengh, and Hope is welcome and needed by the other people around the table.
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Old 06-07-2004, 02:17 PM
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CAdrmn,
Thanks, I know my dad is doing the best he can with what he has and so I Am. I like going to the meetings and it is a little easier being the youngest because they are learning from me too. Thanks.
Shana
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Old 06-07-2004, 03:09 PM
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Oops sorry shana, Gabe is right. I get confused sometimes...
How are you doing?
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Old 06-07-2004, 03:48 PM
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KelKel,
I am trying to hang in there for right now. I can't wait til tomorrow when I go to my Al-Anon meeting. I hope I can talk or comment about something but i will have to do it without my sponsor because she is on vacation. It will be okay. My dad is not drinking tonigh yet so I am doing okay but every day I react differently so who knows how I will react if he does start drinking again tonight. Thanks for caring.
Shana
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Old 06-07-2004, 03:54 PM
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Shana
You give me inspiration. I hate going to meetings. My father was an A and my husband is a recovering A. I have only been to 4 meetings. When I get to 19 I hope I feel as good about going to them as you. Welcome!!
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Old 06-07-2004, 04:06 PM
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ChillGal,
Thanks. Hang in there the meetings do get better. Just keep an open mind. Listen to what others say and if you want comment but only when you are ready. My group is really loving. You have not been going long so stick to it. It will get better and you will want to talk too. Keep your head up things do get better.
Shana
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Old 06-07-2004, 04:32 PM
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Welcome Shana, I am pretty new here myself but I'm so glad I found this forum. It's really helping me a lot. The people here are wonderful. Keep coming back! Barbara
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