Guess who has just been to her first face to face Alanon meeting.
 

Okay I did it. I just got home from my very first face to face Al Anon meeting. I know its not the best word for this site but I can't get to a better word than "high" for how I'm feeling right now. The online meetings are great but tonight..WOW.
The car park for the church it was in was tiny and on a hill and I was so nervous that a very nice man had to guide me when I was reverse parking. "left hand down a bit, straighten up now" I've been driving in a busy city for 20 years.
Walking through the closed door was ugghh. The rest was easy. No the rest was fantastic. The rest was cathartic.
Honeypig, Hammer, all the people who said "get ye to Alanon" why did you not hold my arm up my back and force me a month ago. (you know I'm joking) Thank you thank you thank you.
Ok the meeting.
Eleven people, around my age and upwards, Fantastic share that I understood from the chair then round the room.
I'm being honest here some of the shares were kind of aimed at me and "newness". Had I had no knowledge at all, no SR or online meetings that would have been wonderful, but a bit of me was thinking "ok I know its a disease" or whatever. I absolutely acknowledge it was amazing they would do that for me.
Other shares..wow...my life.
I cried and cried and cried. I cried when people were sharing. I cried when they asked me if I wanted to say anything (I just kind of thanked them for being so nice to me through my tears). The fellowship at the end was just me in a puddle and people coming up to say hi and I don't need to do anything today and its time to think about me and all the things you guys say that make me cry here. But wow the power of hearing it whilst someone is looking in your eyes and smiling.
One older lady actually dozed off whilst the chair lady was sharing and the cup of coffee in her hand spilled. The folks around her were giggling (including the chair) and whilst she was apologizing profusely the chair was saying "you must have needed it. Take what you need and leave the rest" ..cute.
Hmm lady sitting right next to me touched me a bit too much, my arm my shoulder , rubbing my back whilst I was crying. I know she was comforting me but it was kind of making me worse. I maybe need a strategy for that.
All the hugs during the fellowship part were great. People listening to me with no judgement in their eyes, wow.
So roll on next week.
I'm going to order take out now.
There is only me home and I'm going to have myself a pizza.
I haven't done that for years.
I feel fantastic.

No toothy grin! I know, it's what I needed too and should have gone a year ago or more. Good for you and I'm glad you've found a place with a little relief.

wow good for you - I'm really happy you were glad you went and thanks for sharing. I still haven't gone yet - I'm the one that found an inactive meeting the other night and sat in the parking lot. I'm so happy for you, good for you for going!!

JJ, so very, very glad you made it and even gladder you found a good meeting and felt that relief of being among others who understand.

Your post choked me up, remembering my first meeting. I also cried thru much of it, and in fact, it was 2 meetings back to back, a "beginner's meeting" and then the regular meeting immediately following it.

What led up to it was my AH marching into my office at home (I'm a transcriptionist) at 10 on a Sunday AM after a couple of days of him not drinking, He announced that he was going to the liquor store and I couldn't stop him. He did as he said. I finished work about noon and went to my sister's house for the afternoon as I had no desire to be around him. When I returned later, he was clearly drunk and belligerent. I went into my office, thinking I'd work an hour or two just to not be in the same room w/him. I couldn't focus, though, and instead looked up Alanon meetings. I found the beginner meeting starting at 6 PM, followed by the main meeting at 7. It was like I was possessed--I flew out of the office, threw on a coat and hat and grabbed my car keys and wallet and ran for the door. He looked up from the TV long enough to ask where I was going. I said "I'm going to Alanon--I can't do this alone" and left.

At the beginner meeting, I cried on and off throughout. There were 2 Alanon old hands and maybe 5 of us newbies. They drew straws for a copy of "How It Works in Alanon" and the gal who won the draw gave me the book instead, saying it seemed like I needed it the most. Well, the crying that happened after THAT made what came before seem like a mere warmup! At the end of the meeting, one of the old hands walked me into the bathroom, helped me straighten myself out a little, and then walked me into the main meeting and sat with me.

I don't know that I have ever experienced such kindness, such a warm welcome, such acceptance from complete strangers before. It made all the difference to me. I began to feel like maybe there WAS some way I could live thru this.

So in a nutshell, that's why I so strongly suggest that people at least give Alanon a try--and again I am SO GLAD that you experienced that sense of relief. Thanks for sharing this and helping me remember what it was like.

Both yours and Honeypig's remind me of my first Al Anon meeting too. All I could say was my name (and in general I am an extroverted person) then I cried for the remainder of the meeting and everyone was so kind to me.
Al Anon made a major difference in my life and I am glad you are starting on that path.
Keep coming back, it works :)