hopeful4

Well, I have a prior post about being scared to divorce my alcoholic XHusband because I am scared of the control you lose with your children. How do you know they will be taken care of during "his" time. It is all very uncertain.

Here is what I said today.
"I will tell you this, you have one more chance at this. I'm not saying this as a threat but as something we have to address. If you drink again I will ask that you leave and we should split. I hope no matter what happens that we can coparent and do what is best for our kids. I love you but alcohol is destroying our lives. I want you to always have a relationship with our kids but it has to be a sober and constructive one. I do love you but the insanity of this life is killing me."

In no way do I think he will stick to this. He talks big today, I know I cannot even drink at all...quack quack quack. However I have actively told him what to expect and am drawing a line for myself that I have to own up to. We have marriage counseling on monday that was already scheduled. I still plan on going as I think it will lead to divorce and am hoping the psychologist can help us do that constructively. I also plan on speaking to a lawyer in the near future about what to expect and what actions I need to take should I discover drinking again.

I feel a bit more in control of my life...for now.

Thank you all so much for the support of being here. It helps so very much.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and God Bless.

firebolt

Thinking of you - it is SO hard, but you are going to be just fine. I'm glad you feel in control of your life - take care of yourself this weekend!

BtheChange

Thanks for keeping us updated. It sounds like you are being very proactive in taking care of yourself, I love to read that!

I drew the same boundary with my AH. The night that I discovered that he was drinking again, I literally packed his back and asked him to leave. He had passed out/fallen asleep around 9pm. I turned on all the lights in our bedroom, packed the bag, woke him up and reminded him of my boundary. My heart was thumping like crazy but he did leave without too much complaining. I had waited til the kids were asleep so they didn't have to witness it.

You may have to do the same thing at some point, and I have no doubt that you will when the time comes. Wishing you peace and strength, from one mama bear to another!

~ B

BtheChange

I should also add that it wasn't that simple after that. Soon after I kicked him out, he went to detox and 30 day rehab, then returned home after I asked him not too. I ended up leaving our home (along with the kids) and moving in with my parents for a few months, because I couldn't afford the house on my own and had to find my own place anyway. And it seemed like the divorce proceedings were taking too long, and I just had to get away from the madness. So, that's the complete and messy truth. Still, that night was a huge turning point for me. Just thought I'd add the messy truth, because breaking up with an alcoholic is always pretty chaotic, and my experience was no exception.

hopeful4

Thank you BtheChange. You are so correct, it is messy and full of hurt for everyone involved which is why we fight it so hard. I have absolutely no faith that he will stay sober. Why now?? I plan to do the same thing. If I find him drinking I will tell him he has to leave, the difference is no coming back this time. If he leaves again, he is out. I am done. I know in my state I will have to file for rights to use the marrital home while divorcing. I will do so. I can afford the house on my own, it will be a struggle but thankfully I have very supportive parents.
We did go with a friend to a non drinking event Saturday evening as a couple which was nice. We came home and watched a movie which he did not care for because in the movie the couple was struggling through a divorce, a little too close to home I guess. (We did not know that was what the movie was about).
Yesterday a family event, I could see he was struggling but he does struggle when there are lots of people around. I did not really worry about it. I usto run check on him all the time, I did not do that this time. I interacted with him but I did not worry like he is a child of mine. Progress.
I am going to keep moving forward in myself. I am going to work on me. Thanks so much for reading and for your replies, this place is a God send!