I had an awful realization tonight.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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I had an awful realization tonight.
Years ago a good friend of mine died from causes related to drug addiction. I had cut her off years before, but had run into her once in a while. The last time I saw her I was walking my dog. She looked healthy and seemed like she had gotten her life together.
Six months later I found out she passed away after several weeks in a hospice in SF. ( I lived there at the time but we knew each other from PA). Her family came to collect her ashes--that was it. If I had known I would have visited her in her final days. It was heartbreaking.
Tonight I was thinking of my BF and his struggles with alcohol. It hit me that I am probably going to lose another person I love to addiction. He might die from it. Whether we're together or not it crushes me to know this is probably going to happen to him to and there's nothing I can do about it.
I sat down and cried for ten minutes or so. Then I felt resigned. If he's hell bent on destroying himself and his life there is nothing I can do. I learned that lesson years ago with my friend.
It's tragic. Unfair. Beautiful, kind, talented people who hate themselves so much they commit slow suicide. I am so sad for him.
Six months later I found out she passed away after several weeks in a hospice in SF. ( I lived there at the time but we knew each other from PA). Her family came to collect her ashes--that was it. If I had known I would have visited her in her final days. It was heartbreaking.
Tonight I was thinking of my BF and his struggles with alcohol. It hit me that I am probably going to lose another person I love to addiction. He might die from it. Whether we're together or not it crushes me to know this is probably going to happen to him to and there's nothing I can do about it.
I sat down and cried for ten minutes or so. Then I felt resigned. If he's hell bent on destroying himself and his life there is nothing I can do. I learned that lesson years ago with my friend.
It's tragic. Unfair. Beautiful, kind, talented people who hate themselves so much they commit slow suicide. I am so sad for him.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
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I know how you feel. Even though I'm divorcing my AH, I end up looking at black dresses/clothing in preparation for his funeral that hasn't happened yet. It is horrible, but it is still their choice to pick up and use instead of getting to a meeting and reaching out to sponsors, therapists etc. It makes me mad and sad all at the same time.
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I left when AXH threatened to kill us all.
Still, I have that feeling of sadness and deep compassion with him.
He was once a brilliant, funny person who could have changed the world.
And then came addiction.
I haven't spoken to him for almost three years and have only seen him in court. And yet, the thought is there in the back of my mind not IF but WHEN he dies, whether I should go to the funeral.
Still, I have that feeling of sadness and deep compassion with him.
He was once a brilliant, funny person who could have changed the world.
And then came addiction.
I haven't spoken to him for almost three years and have only seen him in court. And yet, the thought is there in the back of my mind not IF but WHEN he dies, whether I should go to the funeral.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
I hear that! People have told me that they got a lot of closure from attending the funerals, but mine comes from a messed up family that got him started on drugs, and I have such disdain for them that I don't know what would happen if I attended!
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