Jd77

Right? Why is it so difficult?

Vale

Terminal uniqueness(TU)---my old friend.....you lied to me.

She is who she always was. Flawed, damaged, and
filled to overflowing with self contempt. This trainwreck was
not an accident that befell her, she was an accident looking
for a place to happen. That is (sadly....was) the real truth.

Looking at her with your eyes, I magnified her accomplishments
and minimized her many and varied shortfalls.Terminally and uniquely
I abandoned the hardcore tenet that the best indicator of future
performance is past performance. The top and bottom of every social
order have good reasons to (ooppss!) forget this. The top because it is
unseemly to just come out and say it-----the bottom because they know
it reflects poorly on their prognosis.

We can see in others what we cannot see in ourselves. My daughter
recently dumped a 'nice guy'. Nice, but unmotivated. Excuses in place of
performance, a laundry list of 'unfairness' issues with life....sort of a checklist
of socially-preapproved reasons for coming up short. Now all that remains is to
find some codependent sap willing to 'cash in' this worthless pile of scrip
(excuses)....for cash.

Now she has someone out of the top drawer---a guy with a 'winning
tradition'.....and the elite achievements (even this early in life) to back it up.
I asked my daughter what was the straw that broke the camels back. She told me
it was something I had said years back about someone totally removed from present
day...to whit...."He sure has some damn fine creativity when it comes to generating
semi-believable reasons for keeping checks out of the 'win' column".

There is no deception as dangerous as self deception.
It is to that precept I pay homage. And having paid exorbitant tuition---I damn well am
going to learn the takeaway lesson.

TU didn't lie to me. I lied to myself----the addict just went along.

martina12

Wow I love this site...this thread rings so true for me too. I married the man of my dreams, thought he was the most fantastic man on the planet and thought I was the luckiest happiest woman alive. I knew he liked a drink but thought alcoholics lived in the gutter or on park benches. I thought AH has a high flying career in government so there is no way he can be an alcoholic. I was sooo naive! I wondered why he seemed to be stalling at moving in after we married.
Once he moved in with me and my children I saw that he was drinking a litre of vodka and wine every day. He did his first stint in rehab but I went from dumb to dumber. The rehab clinic offered me counselling and a carers card. I was incredulous at the time and said I didn't need it!. On reflection I should have taken up their offer.
It didnt take long for AH to return to vodka (hidden in briefcase) and then when he knew I couldnt have that with me and my kids he dumped me overnight all by text and email.

Since then I have felt like a piece of s**t. I have just finished counselling and about to start group therapy. I have read 2 self help books and thanks to the above recommendations will continue to read more books so that I never go from dumb to dumber ever again!

Vale

My Bad!

(apologies!)


I thought this was F&F/substance abusers.......not the alcohol side!

('kinda funny in a way.....I guess a DOC is a DOC is a DOC)

NWGRITS

No apologies necessary! If this thread has helped you, then I am certainly glad you're here!

RhodeIsland

Speak for yourself

"territory." - Walter White - Breaking Bad YouTube

Just kidding. I wish a forum existed for a "general F&F" and then we had the subcategories

NWGRITS

I love you simply for making a Breaking Bad reference.

Ruby2

"My XAH always makes sure to leave regular abusive voicemails and texts stating:
"I left you you b*tch". And that's what he tells everyone. Except, I wanted him to leave and choreographed almost the entire "him leaving" thing. I even "loaned", AKA gave him money, to leave."

Sounds like my AH last night when he was trying to get me to give him more money to get high. Essentially, "you are a b*tc!, give me money." "you are unbelievably selfish and ungrateful, give me money." And the last was simply "I need twenty dollars." I fell asleep shortly after not responding to the last "I need twenty dollars." Slept like a baby until he came home reeking of alcohol and who knows what the heck else. Hadn't showered after work.

Today he says he is on the wagon. Never again. A pact to quit. That might last 24 hours.

Vale

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I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really—I was alive.

(take THAT Ocean State!)