MissFixit

i no longer define myself by my relationship. i am just me. i trust my judgement more than i did the first couple of years after ex.

ShootingStar1

Yes, life gets better. Three things can happen that make it much easier, much happier. Your alcoholic can get into real recovery. You can stay with your alcoholic and learn to detach and live your own life regardless of what they do with theirs. Or you can leave and start your life again, fresh and free of alcoholism.

Any of those are better than being enmeshed in the chaos, drama, and destruction of living with an active alcoholic. In each, you learn to choose your own life path and follow it because that is all any of us have the power to do.

I left my now XAH a year ago this past July 4th, and am now divorced and living happily and quietly in my new little house. While there are still hard times, sad memories, loss, mostly, there is joy. My future is before me, and despite the financial and other difficulties, I am determined to make it bloom, and I am genuinely very happy and at peace. I laugh a lot now.

It was hard to choose this and leave a man I genuinely had loved and had been married to for almost 20 years, but he was no longer that man, and I had faltered so much from the woman I used to be before I endured his abusive alcoholism and nearly lost myself. He wanted me back this past spring, had cut way down on his drinking and promised me the moon, but I didn't go back. It broke both our hearts and he said that it made him unbelievably sad when I cried when he asked me to come back. But I couldn't, and I didn't, and I believe he is drinking again.

It took a lot of courage, but I didn't see that at the time. I just kept making one choice after the next, each time looking for the better option. I have had to learn so much and face so much about myself to grow through the damage I had felt and, while I couldn't see it for a long time, that I had inflicted unknowingly and unintentionally.

And God was good to me, my grown children gave me great support, the folks here on SoberRecovery had my back every step of the way, and I persevered, and it was and is the best choice for me. I am now very serious about my art, and my life is beginning to blossom.

We can all choose our own narrative.

ShootingStar1

allforcnm

My husband has been in recovery from opiate addiction for about 17 months now. We had been separated for about a year when he was in active addiction, had a lot of things we had to work through in order to make our marriage strong again. We also have a son who is almost "2". I feel like I (we) have got to the other side. I trust him, I realize he could relapse even though he went to rehab, and still continues to work with a therapist. It could still happen. But I have always been rather independent anyway, I work, and you know I realized the year we were apart I did ok. I made mistakes but I learned and grew, and I can always take care of myself again if need be. I have no regrets for any of it; I love him and appreciate him for who he is. Life is good.

NYCDoglvr

I don't know if "happy" is the right word. Today I choose people who aren't alcoholics and bypass those who are. I work on my own issues, which were the cause of all my problems in the first place.