SoloMio

...what is the right level of support to give them?

I have read that all you can do is "be ready" when they are ready for treatment. What does that mean? Typically in an intervention setting, the treatment center has already been picked and the As bags are packed and ready to go.

So, how do you best remove any roadblocks that may inhibit the As desire to get themselves help without being codependent about it?

Give information? Call to "pre-approve" insurance? Give a list of places that have availability?

BTW, this is my situation right now. AH said that if he doesn't go to rehab he'll be dead in a year. I want to help, and support, but not control. Where are the lines?

LaTeeDa

Why do you assume it's your job to "remove any roadblocks?" Have you been stopping him from going to rehab all this time? No? I didn't think so.

I would think the best thing to to would be to wait and see. If he truly wants sobriety, there is nothing you could do that would stop him. If he's just talking, there is nothing you can do to make him want it. In other words, it's out of your hands...

L

AnvilheadII

note that he didn't say today, as in i want to go to rehab NOW. what has HE done since making this proclamation? is HE on the phone, or on the computer researching local facilities? is HE contacting HIS insurance to see about pre-approval? is he acting like a man who is in fear of his very life and hurtling OVER any roadblocks to get help????

Hammer

For me, getting things ready for the kids and making sure that I would have a job afterwards were my big deals. I am the sole source for all the household money, so that ended our income for the duration, as well, while I was covering the kids.

I did not have too much time/resources, etc. to worry about HER "roadblocks."

Other than if she were really going and trying to get her to schedule well for the rest of us.

But -- A N Y T H I N G -- she could dump self responsibility for was her goal. Her sponsor even had to get involved on getting her admitted. I wound up suckered into buying her airline tickets when she pretended that she "could not." And then blamed me on the schedule shifts for the start up.

Just got worse from there. The rehab place screwed up the money -- of course I was supposed to cure that, too. And I covered everything, the kids, the job, all the rest.

Without a single Thank You, yet.

Short story -- avoid anything to do with it all up front. If I had do-overs, it may just
have been a one-way ticket with no return.

MsPINKAcres

Hopefully he will stay with his desire to seek help next week ~

If it is the same with your marriage as in most - the wife usually handles all insurance info. Maybe in wanting to detach in a loving way ~ you could provide him with the information he needs and say something like

I am glad you are talking about seeking help for yourself. I'm not sure exactly what needs to be done for the insurance, but I believe these people are the ones you can contact to help you with the information.

and maybe you could add an . . . as always you & your recovery are in my thoughts & prayers ~ i love you & support your choice in seeking help.

Just my e, s, & h ~

wishing you & your AH the very best

pink hugs

choublak

Roadblocks? Like what kind of roadblocks?

SoloMio

Just the typical inertia that everyone faces when having to make a decision. If you have to make a decision, you tend to put it off. Or if you get a little scared, you tend to put it off. Or you can't decide between Rehab A and Rehab B, so I'll think about it tomorrow. I'm not saying this is an alcoholic issue--it's a human issue. You have to make things easy for people in many situations--whether it's picking a treatment center or putting the gum at the check-out line. That's why they typically have everything done but "yes, I'll go" or "no, I won't" in an intervention.

I've read that it's good to have phone numbers handy and names handy in this situation. I just don't know what is meddling and what is helping. I like MsPinkAcres' response--that's kind of what I'm talking about--what is the appropriate level of detached support?

I guess I'm not talking roadblocks. it's more like speedbumps.

Recovering2

When my RABF first said he was ready to go to rehab....I "helped" him get everything ready. I got online for treatment centers, I checked with insurance. I called the place he was interested in and then gave him the phone to talk with the intake person. I packed his bags, helped him organize work stuff that would need to be taken care of. Etc Etc Etc. The morning we were supposed to leave, he changed his mind. I was devastated.

That was it, I let it go. 2 weeks later, he's sick from trying to detox on his own. He tells me he wants rehab again. This time....I let him handle it. I gave him the #, since it was in my phone, but that was it. I realized if he was serious then he would take care of it. And he did.

If you have the insurance contact info, or treatment center info, I would make it available to him but let him do the leg work.

NYCDoglvr

LaTee is right on. It isn't your job to make arrangements, it's enabling him. This isn't an intervention, he decided to go and I'm sure he can figure it out.

It is an alcoholic issue. Unless an alcoholic is willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober, he/she won't. It's important that HE reach out and do the work, not you.