lonely .....and sad

Old 06-13-2002, 11:34 AM
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Unhappy lonely .....and sad

I am sitting here at home and am completely alone. I thought it would be a good thing, it's not. I have cleaned half of the house (saving the rest for something to do tomorow) and did laundry. I was trying to keep my mind ocupied so I didn't think of him...it's not working, all my mind wants to do is cry....I don't want to cry over him. He has mentally and physically (a little) hurt me, I want to hurt him and let him know how it feels but I know he isn't capable of feeling anything right now, he doesn't know how.
He is coming over later to get things. I told him no, I didn't want to be by myself with him. He said he wouldn't do anything, promise!!! Ya well....promises don't mean anything any more and I told him that. He asked if he could bring the x and I said ok. I already told him that the other day. I have nothing against her, she's the only one telling me the truth.
Oh well.......
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Old 06-13-2002, 11:49 AM
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CHANDRA!

Go to the movies! Rent a video, read a book or magazine, play solitaire, call a girlfriend, go get your hair done or a facial, write a story (he can't be in it), make up a crossword puzzle, or go buy a book of crossword puzzles, make an herb garden for you kitchen window, volunteer at a hospital.... for pete's sake get your mind off of him! He doesn't deserve one small corner of your blessed brain.

You cleaned the house? Great. Use this for creative visualization. Every cleaning stroke cleans him out of your life. Imagine yourself cleaning the corners of your mind for every little icky smudge that he left. Then fill it with beautiful things! Flowers! Friends! Big Big Shiny Jewelry! (Well, that's me...) Puppies and Kittens! Rainbows! Whatever you love that makes you feel good.

Letting him get his stuff is something that has to be done, I guess. You could put it outside the door. Anyway it's a chore best gotten out of the way. Having the ex come is a good idea. Then wash that man right out of your hair!

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Smoke
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Old 06-13-2002, 11:49 AM
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Chandra

I am sorry you are feeling sad. I know it will be painful when he comes over, so why don't you have all his things ready at the door, or on the fron porch if you have one. That way it will be brief.
And have your helmet on in case he comes alone. He may.

If you can connect with other support people right now it might help. Having a friend or family either with you or expecting to see you tonight, would be a good thing.

Sometimes we just go through the motions until it slowly but finally starts to get better.

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Old 06-13-2002, 11:51 AM
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Hee Hee - cluster post.

See Chandra, we can't wait for you to start having some fun and living your life again.

Hugs
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Old 06-13-2002, 12:00 PM
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Chandra,
I'm sorry you are going through this alone!! I agree with everyone, you should have all his stuff as close to the front door (if not on the porch) so his time in your home will be as quick and simple as possible.
There really is no way to get him off your mind unless you occupy your time with something that won't remind you of him. My escape from my A or any other situation is running. I have found that you can't consentrate on anyone while running. You're to focused on your breathing and strides to be bothered by anything. I've found that by the time I get home, I'm to pooped to sulk or be angry. Thats just a suggestion. If you can't run, walking is always a good alternative. When I first started running I couldn't run more than 100 yards without stopping. Now I'm up to 4-6 miles without stopping. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers tonight!!!
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Old 06-13-2002, 12:34 PM
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I was trying to get over a relationship once and read a book that said everytime you are sad and want to think of the person you have to put your feet in the toilet.

I couldn't stand the thought of putting my feet in the toilet, but I did fill a bucket full of ice water and made myself put my feet in when thinking and being sad. I think it helped Well at least it made me laugh at myself once in awhile.

I read another book that said to have a little goodbye party where you light candles and get everything that reminds you of the person and say goodbye to each item. Throw it away or get it out of sight. I did that too. My kids walked in in the middle of it. I was sitting on the floor with the candles surrounded by all my boyfriends pictures and presents. Ripping everything up. They thought I was a little nuts. We all got another laugh out of that one.

I finally learned that power comes from walking away. I moved out of town, broke contact and felt better. I think the less contact the better.

So maybe you could lite candles as you pack up his things and say goodbye, put your feet in a bucket of ice water, have a good cry, put the things on the porch and powerfully walk away.

HUGS,

MG
 
Old 06-13-2002, 01:15 PM
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I wish I could put everything out on the porch...most (90%) of it is still in boxes from the last time I packed it and my son was here to help me, he's not this time. I have a bad back and can't lift them so he will have to come in to get them and he won't be able to get them all right now, not enough room in her van.
I am not the type to just go out shopping or watch rentals or anything by my self. I have always had someone with me, even my son. Maybe I am getting the blues also because my son is getting older and has his own life, which is a good thing for him.(and I just lost part of mine)
Maybe empty nest syndrome too??? Don't know, he is my only child, never had this before.
I seem to have alot going on right now. My mom has to move out of her hoouse tomorrow, because a car ran into it, so they can repair it. I am going to help her do what I can.
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Old 06-13-2002, 01:28 PM
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Chandra,

I'm really sorry you are feeling so low. This is one of those inbetween times. You've been through a lot lately. Give it some time to heal. Being alone is hard at first. I remember when both my kids would be gone for the night and I was actually afraid being by myself.

It's an adjustment.

Be good to yourself,

More Hugs,

MG
 
Old 06-13-2002, 01:31 PM
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and to top it off.......I live in the country....and there is an arsonist (spelling?) around here!!!
I am going to go look for something to do for now. Maybe i will be on later
Thanks all
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Old 06-13-2002, 05:08 PM
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Chandra.........
How about staying with Mom where ever she goes? Just rememeber you are lucky to have her. I am an empty nester too...I know it will be hard to be alone. I am planning to get rid of my A too. I am on A #2...last time I still had the kids and it was easier. We were a close group and it made it easy to push him out. But........with my A now, I might as well be alone as we have no life at all. I eat alone..you name it.
It would be hard for me too to have my A's junk at the door there would be toooooooo much of it.
If you could have a friend over as a buffer?
Stay strong....
Love Kitty <img border="0" alt="[Hey Kitty]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/heykitty.gif" />
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Old 06-14-2002, 04:02 AM
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Hi Chandra,

I'm pretty much in the same spot as you although I've been separated for almost 2 years. I'm slowly but surely realizing that everything that comes out of he's mouth is all bull****. Lies...Lies....Lies.... it's all he knows.

Can you drag the boxes to the front porch so you won't have to lift them. If you didn't have to see him it'll be easier on you. Maybe have a freind come over and lift them for you. Try to think of something becasue seeing him and listening to him is only going to give you more heartache and confusion. Trust me!!!!

I'll be thinking of you.

Love,
Galnva
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Old 06-14-2002, 04:16 AM
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Ahem... Chandra.
What if the A in your life was to say to you "I was never the type to stay sober." ???? You would, perhaps, raise your eyebrows a tad? Recovery involves breaking old habits that do not serve. It's not always easy. Sometimes you have to MAKE yourself do a fun or entertaining thing. I am not kidding in the least. I had to MAKE myself commit to going out with friends once a week. Doesn't sound like a thing that would be tough, does it? Now I'm quite used to it and would rather not do without.

Saying "I am not the type..." is the same as saying "my habits are...". Nothing changes if nothing changes.

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Old 06-14-2002, 06:25 AM
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Smoke is so right Chandra. I, too have often had to "make" myself call a friend to go for dinner ir visit, "make" myself go for a walk or to a library or to anywhere that was not "here" just for the change of scenery and mentality. And it helped me change my habits.

We all tend to isolate when we hurt, and time alone to relax and think is okay, but as Smoke says "Nothing changes if nothing changes". And we MUST change ourselves, unless we are really thrilled with the way we are now.

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Old 06-15-2002, 10:46 AM
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Well....he called again and asked if I would be home to get some of his things. I told him NO again...he asked if I would put one thing on the porch for him to get...I decided to do it and said ok, not because I was giving in but because I decided to pack up some things that had gotten unpacked in the last few months. I didn't tell him this, I just said yes to the one thing. I packed 4 light boxes and set them out there also. I figure the more he takes the quicker he's out of here. I left soon after and ran some erronds so I would not be here, that way was alot easier. I hope to do it that way with the rest of it too.
Thank you all for keeping me level headed when I need it.
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