Collect calls from jail
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
Collect calls from jail
My son is currently in county jail. The collect calls are starting and I have yet to take them. Because he is a parolee and has a inmate number already he will be shipped off to his home prison soon. I have decided that I will not post his bond or get another lawyer. Although, I believe that I will still send him a few dollars for snacks and hygiene items. They do not get enough to eat in there. These jail visits were routine until he went to prison the last time.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
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Yeah, the phone thing is rigged to cheat and steal from the families.
They go to a LOT of effort to make it so.
A big communication company wanted to hire me to help block work-arounds that families created. Got to see the details from the inside out. I fired them.
The whole prison industry is rather evil.
They go to a LOT of effort to make it so.
A big communication company wanted to hire me to help block work-arounds that families created. Got to see the details from the inside out. I fired them.
The whole prison industry is rather evil.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Dear upset---It is probably smart to resist the calls for now. Those calls are usually--
"I need this" and "I need that" and descriptions of how bad jail is. It puts a tremendous GUILT trip on a mother. It can chip away at your resolve and make you cry at night.
I think it is smart of you to think of ways that you can contribute, down the line, as you see fit.
As always,
my heart goes out to you,
dandylion
"I need this" and "I need that" and descriptions of how bad jail is. It puts a tremendous GUILT trip on a mother. It can chip away at your resolve and make you cry at night.
I think it is smart of you to think of ways that you can contribute, down the line, as you see fit.
As always,
my heart goes out to you,
dandylion
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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I can't tell you how many people, from a variety of walks of life, told my husband and I to NOT accept the collect calls his son from prison. Primarily because those calls are so expensive it's pure money-making industry in and of itself (as Hammer said).
My only encouragement would be to speak to him only if and when you are comfortable doing so.
Sending hugs! S
My only encouragement would be to speak to him only if and when you are comfortable doing so.
Sending hugs! S
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
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The phone call are just one of many ways the prison system makes money. The Ramon noodles and coffee are 3X what they would cost at the grocery store. Some prisons, they work for 20cents a hour. Yes, yes consequences of addiction. But does it really help them?
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp 
But does it really help them?
It is to remove (aka warehouse) *them* away from the rest of *us.*
Turns out *we* do not have a real high tolerance for the Drunken Cowboy Routines of driving cars into the sides of Police Cars. Woudda Figured?
The money scams that follow are just part of Vultures and Opportunists making a quick buck.
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The days of prisons trying to rehabilitate prisoners are long gone. There just isn't enough money, and even if there were, it would be used in ways to line the pockets of the prison officials/government.
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Originally Posted by suki44883
The days of prisons trying to rehabilitate prisoners are long gone. There just isn't enough money, and even if there were, it would be used in ways to line the pockets of the prison officials/government.
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[QUOTE=Hammer;4247437]It is not intended to.
It is to remove (aka warehouse) *them* away from the rest of *us.*
Turns out *we* do not have a real high tolerance for the Drunken Cowboy Routines of driving cars into the sides of Police Cars. Woudda Figured?
I believe that it sounded worst than it is. Hoping that it will be reduced to fleeing and evading. A detective called me asking questions about his friend but I declined to say anything. I will not do their jobs for them. My son was under the influence of alcohol and drugs. This could of happened to your loved ones as well. This is end stage addiction.
It is to remove (aka warehouse) *them* away from the rest of *us.*
Turns out *we* do not have a real high tolerance for the Drunken Cowboy Routines of driving cars into the sides of Police Cars. Woudda Figured?
I believe that it sounded worst than it is. Hoping that it will be reduced to fleeing and evading. A detective called me asking questions about his friend but I declined to say anything. I will not do their jobs for them. My son was under the influence of alcohol and drugs. This could of happened to your loved ones as well. This is end stage addiction.
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I am glad that you are feeling strong and setting boundaries.
I agree that the system is set up to milk the families and friends. Way back I had a dear friend locked up and she would call me once in a while...it was so e$pen$ive.
As far as the work goes, I see it as legalized slavery but like I always say, SR is not the place for me to get on my social justice soap box LOL
I agree that the system is set up to milk the families and friends. Way back I had a dear friend locked up and she would call me once in a while...it was so e$pen$ive.
As far as the work goes, I see it as legalized slavery but like I always say, SR is not the place for me to get on my social justice soap box LOL
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Carlotta, I think many people feel that their loved ones are not capable of violence. However, dui is considered a violent offense and i have seen many posters complaining about that. Some say their loved ones are functioning alcoholics. My son was never a functioning anything really. Just a young man on a mission to get drunk and high daily.
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Just a thing in the big scheme, I suppose.
Few years back, I hired a guy who had done 28 years inside.
During that time had done 8 years, and then he had escaped and stayed out for 4 years.
His last day on that 4 year "vacation" ended the same as your son's. Car into the side of a roadblock Police Car. Went back for another 20 years.
When we met he was in his 50's. Was a good guy, just took him a lot of years to get calmed down. We hired him in as a Journeyman Level, he studied and got his Master's License, as well. The guys on our crew gave him a LOT of "tough love," I suppose I would call it. I think he went on to get a Master's Degree in Construction Site Management and Safety after he went on from us.
For some years after he would call on Thanksgiving Day to say Thanks for Giving him a chance when he got out.
Few years back, I hired a guy who had done 28 years inside.
During that time had done 8 years, and then he had escaped and stayed out for 4 years.
His last day on that 4 year "vacation" ended the same as your son's. Car into the side of a roadblock Police Car. Went back for another 20 years.
When we met he was in his 50's. Was a good guy, just took him a lot of years to get calmed down. We hired him in as a Journeyman Level, he studied and got his Master's License, as well. The guys on our crew gave him a LOT of "tough love," I suppose I would call it. I think he went on to get a Master's Degree in Construction Site Management and Safety after he went on from us.
For some years after he would call on Thanksgiving Day to say Thanks for Giving him a chance when he got out.
RIP Sweet Suki
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None of us live in a vacuum. There are ripple effects from our actions. If him wanting to get drunk and high daily didn't affect anyone else, then heck, go on ahead. But his actions when drunk and high affect other people; some of them innocent people. Look at how it has affected you, and you aren't the one getting drunk and high. How has it affected his child? Addiction is a family affliction and can go even farther to include other people with whom the addict comes into contact.
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Originally Posted by suki44883
None of us live in a vacuum. There are ripple effects from our actions. If him wanting to get drunk and high daily didn't affect anyone else, then heck, go on ahead. But his actions when drunk and high affect other people; some of them innocent people. Addiction is a family affliction and can go even farther to include other people with whom the addict comes into contact.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
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It was a need because he is an addict. The main focus of an addict is getting the fix and then figuring out how to get the next fix. In many cases, nothing is off limits if it will get him that fix.
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Upsetnneedhelp - I also have a son who is an alcoholic. I'm not sure how old your son is but mine is 22. He was sober for nearly 8 months and a couple of weeks started drinking again. He has been sober for a couple of days.
Here is what I know - we both love our sons. Neither of us can imagine our boys doing anything awful. It has to be a mistake or the fault of alcohol or drugs. Both of our boys are old enough - adults - to make their own decisions. Yeah, they do a lot of things when they are drunk that they would never do if they weren't. The truth is that is still our boys. They are doing these things - my son wrecked a car and walked away from the scene of the accident. I would have thought a million things about my son but NEVER did I think he would drink and drive.
We both are angry - I'm guessing you at the system me at the AA leader who relapsed and my son followed with him. I'm angry as H**l. But the truth is my son made the choice to do what he did. He made the choice to take that drink almost 3 weeks ago after he had been sober. The AA leader just provided the opportunity. Someone else would have if he hadn't. Right now it is much easier to blame the police or the system or the drugs or alcohol but the truth is it is our boys fault. Somehow, we think of it as a reflection on us so we want to blame someone else.
Over the last week I have had a lot of come to Jesus meetings with myself. It is not my fault and with all my being I can not change my son. I can only change how I respond. I let me son know that he is to blame. No longer am I being a mother hen and telling him everything will be alright because I don't know that. All I know is that you have choices and with those choices come consequences. Right now the consequences are great for your son and that breaks your heart. It's time he feels the pain so next time he may not be so quick to grab the alcohol and drugs.
They are our boys but they are also grown men and we have to take responsibility for our actions and so do they. I never want my son to think that I will ease the pain of the consequences because just maybe the fear of what could happen will help him make the right choices.
I say all this in love and understanding because I hear in your words what I feel in my own heart.
And back to the topic of this thread (I was just responding to several from you), showing that you care by sending money for snacks is probably a good idea. Showing that you love him by allowing him to face the consequences by not hiring an attorney or paying bond may be the best gift you ever give him.
Here is what I know - we both love our sons. Neither of us can imagine our boys doing anything awful. It has to be a mistake or the fault of alcohol or drugs. Both of our boys are old enough - adults - to make their own decisions. Yeah, they do a lot of things when they are drunk that they would never do if they weren't. The truth is that is still our boys. They are doing these things - my son wrecked a car and walked away from the scene of the accident. I would have thought a million things about my son but NEVER did I think he would drink and drive.
We both are angry - I'm guessing you at the system me at the AA leader who relapsed and my son followed with him. I'm angry as H**l. But the truth is my son made the choice to do what he did. He made the choice to take that drink almost 3 weeks ago after he had been sober. The AA leader just provided the opportunity. Someone else would have if he hadn't. Right now it is much easier to blame the police or the system or the drugs or alcohol but the truth is it is our boys fault. Somehow, we think of it as a reflection on us so we want to blame someone else.
Over the last week I have had a lot of come to Jesus meetings with myself. It is not my fault and with all my being I can not change my son. I can only change how I respond. I let me son know that he is to blame. No longer am I being a mother hen and telling him everything will be alright because I don't know that. All I know is that you have choices and with those choices come consequences. Right now the consequences are great for your son and that breaks your heart. It's time he feels the pain so next time he may not be so quick to grab the alcohol and drugs.
They are our boys but they are also grown men and we have to take responsibility for our actions and so do they. I never want my son to think that I will ease the pain of the consequences because just maybe the fear of what could happen will help him make the right choices.
I say all this in love and understanding because I hear in your words what I feel in my own heart.
And back to the topic of this thread (I was just responding to several from you), showing that you care by sending money for snacks is probably a good idea. Showing that you love him by allowing him to face the consequences by not hiring an attorney or paying bond may be the best gift you ever give him.
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