Florence

Both of my exes are not themselves wealthy, but come from families with seemingly bottomless pockets. Going through a custody battle with my first ex, whose mother bankrolled any crazy thing he wanted to do in his life, and who fought me every step of the way, in and out of court for five years, me with anxiety through the roof, lost thirty pounds and looked like a skeleton... I had to turn my back on him and any resources he had to offer.

One of the biggest lessons I struggled with was acceptance. I thought fighting against this emotional wall was what I needed to do, to stand up for myself, to win the battle. Instead, to my enormous surprise, the battle was won when I accepted that my ex would never understand or care about our financial struggle, or care whether our son had clothes on his body or food in his belly, or when I accepted that my STBXAH wasn't going to get better and that I couldn't rely on him for help or emotional support, or when I accepted that I was wasting time trying to get my FOO to understand me when they were bent on misunderstanding me. Simply put, I stopped fighting. I turned that energy on what was in MY power, and then I did those things. I have never experienced greater success, personal or emotional, like I have since this turning point. I am serene, happy, still broke, and completely okay with it.

So, from someone who has been there, except without the international boundaries, STOP ASKING THIS MAN FOR MONEY. You're not going to get it. Accept he will sit on his coffers and watch you struggle until the day he dies. Judge him, dismiss him, call him a selfish *******, but ACCEPT that this is who he is. Put yourself in a position where you don't have to ask him for money, and/or be destroyed when he, as expected, refuses to give it to you.

Pippi, I think you're a really smart woman who has been through hell and I know you're looking for softer places to fall. This guy sounds like a jerk, and he's poisoned every well you had left to drink from in the US. I don't know what your answers are, but I hope you are able to find a way to be more flexible with your plans, draw on whatever remaining resources you have, and live the life you want to live without him or his money. And I am sending you all the love and support I have so that you can tear down any obstacles you've erected for yourself, so you can get creative, and do what you have to do for yourself and your kids independently of your abusive, alcoholic ex.

thislonelygirl

my ah makes me question myself too....sometimes i wonder whats wrong with me? do people just NOT like me? am i really a stick in the mud? do i have a large stick up my behind? am i the unpleasant and pathetic person they see?

I honestly do day after day struggle to hang on with positive thoughts and experiences. i try so hard to tell myself "i am a NICE BEAUTIFUL Generous and worthy person" i have to tell myself these things or i would believe the bs ah would have me AND everyone else believe. I too have thought about suicide (i think these were my low points where i am just so broken and hurt) but i tell myself that HE is the problem and I do not allow him or anyone else power over MY LIFE, MY FEELINGS.
Tell yourself that YOU are worth more and YOU CAN be happy.

There are solutions to our problems and no matter the tough road .....it WILL get better. just hang tough and keep going.

hugs to you