Trapped by AH. Again. Need to get out!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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I got the story wrong. This is what happened. DS16 and stbxah were in a verbal altercation. They drive by the local police station and stbxah threatens to bring Ds16 to the police, because they are arguing. They are each insulting the other. Ah parks at the apartment and DS16 tries to get out of the car and away from his father. AH tells DS10 to block the car door so DS16 can't escape. And tells DD13 to call the police. AH holds down DS16's arms to keep him from leaving. DS16 reacts by headbutting his father, giving him a bloody nose. He runs out of the car and down the street. AH chases him and grabs him by the arm. DS16 punches him in the face and locks himself inside our building.
AH threatened to call the police on DS based on nothing but a disagreement. Then physically restrained him and got the other children involved.
What do I do with this?
AH threatened to call the police on DS based on nothing but a disagreement. Then physically restrained him and got the other children involved.
What do I do with this?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
Let me make sure I understand... the vehicle had reached your residence and DS16 wanted to exit the vehicle - presumably to return to his residence (yours) which was the destination?
Prior and up to this time, a verbal disagreement had occurred between DS16 and AH. No threats of self harm on behalf of DS16?
Instead of allowing DS16 to return to his residence - AH attempts false imprisonment and directs DS10 to assist. DS16 is then physically restrained when he has not initiated force or damaged property - to prevent him from returning to his residence?
DS16 responded to this unwarranted physical restraint in self defense, injuring AH to free himself?
If I have this right, I'd talk to your lawyer and I'd call the police. Document this and use it in court. As far as I can tell, this became physical when AH initiated false-imprisonment and physical restraint upon DS16 over a verbal confrontation. Force was unjustified.
this IS battery. He did no try to hold DS16 to prevent him from running away from home, etc he did it because he wished to control him - to have the last word. Had it been a wife instead of his children, the law 100% says battery. In case of a child, circumstances seem that this would fall under battery.
Prior and up to this time, a verbal disagreement had occurred between DS16 and AH. No threats of self harm on behalf of DS16?
Instead of allowing DS16 to return to his residence - AH attempts false imprisonment and directs DS10 to assist. DS16 is then physically restrained when he has not initiated force or damaged property - to prevent him from returning to his residence?
DS16 responded to this unwarranted physical restraint in self defense, injuring AH to free himself?
If I have this right, I'd talk to your lawyer and I'd call the police. Document this and use it in court. As far as I can tell, this became physical when AH initiated false-imprisonment and physical restraint upon DS16 over a verbal confrontation. Force was unjustified.
this IS battery. He did no try to hold DS16 to prevent him from running away from home, etc he did it because he wished to control him - to have the last word. Had it been a wife instead of his children, the law 100% says battery. In case of a child, circumstances seem that this would fall under battery.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
I got the story wrong. This is what happened. DS16 and stbxah were in a verbal altercation. They drive by the local police station and stbxah threatens to bring Ds16 to the police, because they are arguing. They are each insulting the other. Ah parks at the apartment and DS16 tries to get out of the car and away from his father. AH tells DS10 to block the car door so DS16 can't escape. And tells DD13 to call the police. AH holds down DS16's arms to keep him from leaving. DS16 reacts by headbutting his father, giving him a bloody nose. He runs out of the car and down the street. AH chases him and grabs him by the arm. DS16 punches him in the face and locks himself inside our building. AH threatened to call the police on DS based on nothing but a disagreement. Then physically restrained him and got the other children involved. What do I do with this?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 109
If anyone treated my kids in an abusive manner, I would do everything in my power to make sure that the only contact they had with that person was supervised, if they had contact at all.
I have no good advice for you as far as how to make that happen, because I don't know the legal specifics of your situation. In the US there are organizations that allow for a parent to have supervised visits with their kids at a neutral location.
If your son made the decision to not see his father for the near future, that seems like a wise decision and will keep him safe. Unfortunately, that doesn't keep your other children safe.
I have no good advice for you as far as how to make that happen, because I don't know the legal specifics of your situation. In the US there are organizations that allow for a parent to have supervised visits with their kids at a neutral location.
If your son made the decision to not see his father for the near future, that seems like a wise decision and will keep him safe. Unfortunately, that doesn't keep your other children safe.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I have to be missing something, or I am very confused.........
You state they were only having a disagreement, and yet your son headbutted and punched his dad in the face and you are wondering what you should do.??
Why do you have to do anything here?
The way you are presenting this matter, and forgive me if I am misunderstanding, it's sounds like your son assaulted his father.
I better back up and reread i am obviously missing a piece of this story.
You state they were only having a disagreement, and yet your son headbutted and punched his dad in the face and you are wondering what you should do.??
Why do you have to do anything here?
The way you are presenting this matter, and forgive me if I am misunderstanding, it's sounds like your son assaulted his father.
I better back up and reread i am obviously missing a piece of this story.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by marie1960
I have to be missing something, or I am very confused.........
You state they were only having a disagreement, and yet your son headbutted and punched his dad in the face and you are wondering what you should do.??
Why do you have to do anything here?
The way you are presenting this matter, and forgive me if I am misunderstanding, it's sounds like your son assaulted his father.
You state they were only having a disagreement, and yet your son headbutted and punched his dad in the face and you are wondering what you should do.??
Why do you have to do anything here?
The way you are presenting this matter, and forgive me if I am misunderstanding, it's sounds like your son assaulted his father.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I understand where you're coming from.
I have to repeat to myself "what other people think of me is none of my business" & "my self worth is not measured by what other people think of me". XH has turned others against me but I have learnt to let it go. If they were truly my friends in the first place then they would have stood by me. And I don't blame them either, if they have been fed lies it is their choice to believe them.
Believe in yourself honey, I know it sux when they just don't go away but as each day passes a little bit of strength is gained.
Hang in there.
Big hugs.
I have to repeat to myself "what other people think of me is none of my business" & "my self worth is not measured by what other people think of me". XH has turned others against me but I have learnt to let it go. If they were truly my friends in the first place then they would have stood by me. And I don't blame them either, if they have been fed lies it is their choice to believe them.
Believe in yourself honey, I know it sux when they just don't go away but as each day passes a little bit of strength is gained.
Hang in there.
Big hugs.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
While I have been reading this thread, i obviously missed a few of the posts between 15-20 and when I read post #21 I was lost.
Sorry for my confusion.
This is truly a heartbreaking story for your whole family. Sounds like your son is truly hurting here.
Sending you all healing, positive thoughts.
Sorry for my confusion.
This is truly a heartbreaking story for your whole family. Sounds like your son is truly hurting here.
Sending you all healing, positive thoughts.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
When stbxah is calm, that means trouble.
Please know you're providing such a good example for your children and showing them what strength really is. (((((hugs)))))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Good morning SR folks,
Haven't had a quiet day in a while, but am moving forward, believing that our only way out is directly through.
Since this posting I have spoken to my dv counsellor. Her concern for DS16 is that another visit with his father could likely lead to increased violence. DS is not in communication with his father any longer. So I then spoke with the therapist, who thinks the first priority should be that if DS can muster the courage to talk to anyone, it should be the judge. So I am hoping my lawyer will arrange that when he returns from (another) vacation. Then if DS is willing he can go to the therapist because he needs to get more support.
Then, my other children are still reeling from the conflict between DS and their father. DD7 is having nightmares. I am sending them to therapy. DD7 is already saying that she does not want to go stay with Daddy again. She keeps saying that she only wants to stay with me. And DS10 asks every day when all this is going to be over. God bless him, I wish I could know. I tell him we have to focus on today and make it the best possible day we can and notice all the good things in our lives, which are plentiful.
DD13, finally, is making drama and more drama. I have to teach her that there are more peaceful ways to live!
In the meantime, I spoke to my witnesses. The grocer is willing, but his wife hates me, believing that AH is a poor, charming gifted man whose witch of a wife has destroyed him. She would stand in front of a moving tank to save him and they don't even speak the same language. But her husband knows how terrified I was when I ran in a panic for help that fateful morning and it is he whom I ask to step forward. He, at least, is a kind man.
Then, as if that weren't enough, my mother is arriving today and tomorrow I fly to the US for court hearing on Monday. I will be trying to get actual health insurance for the children and I and an increase in our weekly child support/alimony. AH's so many lies have caused so many many problems.
I will probably stay in a dv shelter after talking to dv staff there. Stbxah is in a fury and I am not safe. I will be having the house appraised and hopefully removing many of my and the children's belongings from my house.
All of this is HARD. The good thing in all of this is my eyes have opened. I understand that Stbxah is Mr Hyde and Dr Jekyll's lies and pathetic efforts to make me sorry for him don't work at all any more on me. I have figured out that the only one who can possibly save me is me. And this is God's plan for me. To stand strong and be my own saviour.
I dearly hope that something beautiful will emerge from all this pain.
Haven't had a quiet day in a while, but am moving forward, believing that our only way out is directly through.
Since this posting I have spoken to my dv counsellor. Her concern for DS16 is that another visit with his father could likely lead to increased violence. DS is not in communication with his father any longer. So I then spoke with the therapist, who thinks the first priority should be that if DS can muster the courage to talk to anyone, it should be the judge. So I am hoping my lawyer will arrange that when he returns from (another) vacation. Then if DS is willing he can go to the therapist because he needs to get more support.
Then, my other children are still reeling from the conflict between DS and their father. DD7 is having nightmares. I am sending them to therapy. DD7 is already saying that she does not want to go stay with Daddy again. She keeps saying that she only wants to stay with me. And DS10 asks every day when all this is going to be over. God bless him, I wish I could know. I tell him we have to focus on today and make it the best possible day we can and notice all the good things in our lives, which are plentiful.
DD13, finally, is making drama and more drama. I have to teach her that there are more peaceful ways to live!
In the meantime, I spoke to my witnesses. The grocer is willing, but his wife hates me, believing that AH is a poor, charming gifted man whose witch of a wife has destroyed him. She would stand in front of a moving tank to save him and they don't even speak the same language. But her husband knows how terrified I was when I ran in a panic for help that fateful morning and it is he whom I ask to step forward. He, at least, is a kind man.
Then, as if that weren't enough, my mother is arriving today and tomorrow I fly to the US for court hearing on Monday. I will be trying to get actual health insurance for the children and I and an increase in our weekly child support/alimony. AH's so many lies have caused so many many problems.
I will probably stay in a dv shelter after talking to dv staff there. Stbxah is in a fury and I am not safe. I will be having the house appraised and hopefully removing many of my and the children's belongings from my house.
All of this is HARD. The good thing in all of this is my eyes have opened. I understand that Stbxah is Mr Hyde and Dr Jekyll's lies and pathetic efforts to make me sorry for him don't work at all any more on me. I have figured out that the only one who can possibly save me is me. And this is God's plan for me. To stand strong and be my own saviour.
I dearly hope that something beautiful will emerge from all this pain.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Pippi, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. If you start to feel lost and in need of support, please imagine me sitting beside you. You can do this. Your kids will be safe with your mother. Stay aware of your surroundings and stay safe; keep asking for help and support.
((((((((((hugs))))))))) Wishing you peace and continued strength.
Michelle
((((((((((hugs))))))))) Wishing you peace and continued strength.
Michelle
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Pippi, my thoughts, hopes and prayers are with you and your kids, and I expect that many others here on SR are rooting for you, too.
More is starting to be revealed, finally, and your husband's bad behavior is leaking through the walls he tried to hide it behind, and more and more people will see what he is doing and know who he truly is.
It is a profound realization that only we can take care of ourselves, and once you see that, I think the rest of your path will be yours to own and direct in terms of what you and your kids need. The time for reacting to your STBXAH is over. Now you are emotionally free and empowered to do what you need to do, no matter how divisive, damaging and hurtful he is.
Keep the faith
More is starting to be revealed, finally, and your husband's bad behavior is leaking through the walls he tried to hide it behind, and more and more people will see what he is doing and know who he truly is.
It is a profound realization that only we can take care of ourselves, and once you see that, I think the rest of your path will be yours to own and direct in terms of what you and your kids need. The time for reacting to your STBXAH is over. Now you are emotionally free and empowered to do what you need to do, no matter how divisive, damaging and hurtful he is.
Keep the faith
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Praying. You're a tough cookie and you will get through this.
I just hope and pray that the country you are in is one that respects children's rights to have opinions about where they want to live.
Your ex sounds an awful lot like mine. And believe it or not, the healthiest kid I have is the one who did what your 16-year-old did, decided to cut all contact with his dad.
I just hope and pray that the country you are in is one that respects children's rights to have opinions about where they want to live.
Your ex sounds an awful lot like mine. And believe it or not, the healthiest kid I have is the one who did what your 16-year-old did, decided to cut all contact with his dad.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Hi all. Back in the U.S.A. 3 days now. Really really lovely time with my family. Then up north to go to court. Spent 6 hours with my lawyer in the courthouse and also some of that in meeting with stbxah and his lawyer.
Reached written agreements from him but it all dependa on his follow-through and that requires me to pay my lawyer, doesn't it?
They all want to tell me that if I lived back here everything would be cheaper. But I am about to throw away my citizenship because I feel like a dead person here going back to earth and no one sees me. I don't belong here any more. My life here is over and thank God I have someplace to go back to. In contrast, stbxah is in his element. Boy does he love these legal days. He can relish the power his control of money and information lends him.
If I had any success, it was that I saw that faced with two women attorneys, he wants to look decent. So I want to repeat that formula and work it to my advantage. I want this divorce done, over, finalized. I am finished. I may end up on the street with rotting teeth and heartache, but I just want him out out out of my life.
There was an addict in the courthouse in the next cubicle. I heard him and his whole story through the thin walls. It's a similar story. Addiction, violence, divorce, kids scared of him. He blames it all on his ex and wants to fight her for control of his three daughters. Similar story, different socioeconomic class.
I know I just sound hard and mad. But I called this place home for 20 years. I called a friend and she sees stbxah around. She no longer believes in me. She didn't even want to talk about what has happened or want to see me. Who knows the stories he's told about me. I am tucked away here, alone where no one knows me but I am safe. My children write/call every day. My family loves me. Overseas they love me. I have lost all my money, my former home, my marriage, my access to most of my worldly belongings and my former friends and community.
But I have found that I have almost limitless strength. I am used to pain and losing the legal battles. The judge wouldn't even hear my case today. But I have my integrity. That is where my strengths emanates. Because I follow my higher power and I believe that my higher power will prevail. I thank God for all that I do have. Life has been stripped down to its essence. Its essence is good.
If you are still married to an A, please, plan ahead. Hide money. Separate finances. Work on your resume. Get ready. Arm yourself with knowledge and support. Build as much of an independent life as possible. Then when you jump ship, you'll have a soft landing and you can take off full steam ahead! To a better place! Aye, aye captain!
Reached written agreements from him but it all dependa on his follow-through and that requires me to pay my lawyer, doesn't it?
They all want to tell me that if I lived back here everything would be cheaper. But I am about to throw away my citizenship because I feel like a dead person here going back to earth and no one sees me. I don't belong here any more. My life here is over and thank God I have someplace to go back to. In contrast, stbxah is in his element. Boy does he love these legal days. He can relish the power his control of money and information lends him.
If I had any success, it was that I saw that faced with two women attorneys, he wants to look decent. So I want to repeat that formula and work it to my advantage. I want this divorce done, over, finalized. I am finished. I may end up on the street with rotting teeth and heartache, but I just want him out out out of my life.
There was an addict in the courthouse in the next cubicle. I heard him and his whole story through the thin walls. It's a similar story. Addiction, violence, divorce, kids scared of him. He blames it all on his ex and wants to fight her for control of his three daughters. Similar story, different socioeconomic class.
I know I just sound hard and mad. But I called this place home for 20 years. I called a friend and she sees stbxah around. She no longer believes in me. She didn't even want to talk about what has happened or want to see me. Who knows the stories he's told about me. I am tucked away here, alone where no one knows me but I am safe. My children write/call every day. My family loves me. Overseas they love me. I have lost all my money, my former home, my marriage, my access to most of my worldly belongings and my former friends and community.
But I have found that I have almost limitless strength. I am used to pain and losing the legal battles. The judge wouldn't even hear my case today. But I have my integrity. That is where my strengths emanates. Because I follow my higher power and I believe that my higher power will prevail. I thank God for all that I do have. Life has been stripped down to its essence. Its essence is good.
If you are still married to an A, please, plan ahead. Hide money. Separate finances. Work on your resume. Get ready. Arm yourself with knowledge and support. Build as much of an independent life as possible. Then when you jump ship, you'll have a soft landing and you can take off full steam ahead! To a better place! Aye, aye captain!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Oh God. I am in so much pain right now you guys.
Every encounter in court with stbxah or anything having to do with him is me losing money and judges disrespecting me. They support him and ridicule my efforts to provide the children with basic needs. Today the effort was health insurance. What an idiot I am. Trying to keep the children safe and healthy.
Every encounter in court with stbxah or anything having to do with him is me losing money and judges disrespecting me. They support him and ridicule my efforts to provide the children with basic needs. Today the effort was health insurance. What an idiot I am. Trying to keep the children safe and healthy.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
Pippi, enough is enough. It seems like the legal situation is 100% against you. I would take those kids & run fast and far away. I read again & again how the law is unfair. Run for the hills! You are probably right and the Judge is against you.
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