caboblanco

like in your 30's? and if yes, then how? I seem to be the only sibling in my family with major mental health issues and life problems such as my career. My little sister has had some issues but not to my extent. It is pretty much a known fact in my immediate family that my father was the roughest on me probably because i was his only son. My father passed away 8 years ago ironically when he just got sober for a couple months. I don't know how these things effect your subconscious. On the surface I don't feel im still being effected. I'm an a recovering alcoholic myself.

BadCompany

Yes. Our parents are the first mirror we see ourselves in.

Sadconfused

Yes. I honestly think that my A fathers crap is just now really starting to really effect me at 27. I didnt realize a lot of it and the effect it had/has over me until I got older.

SparkleKitty

I pushed down everything so that when I was 32, all of the feelings from growing up with a verbally abusive A mom burst onto the scene with truly magnificent force. And right up until it did, I really thought I had everything figured out!

HealingWillCome

Without a doubt. Fears, insecurities, behaviors in ourselves are a reflection of our experiences. Whether we articulate them, think about them, recognize them, or not doesn't matter. They exist. When we start to recognize, accept, and deal with them is when we are able to heal. Sobriety may be helping you to face some of your subconscious wounds for the first time. It can be hard, terrifying. Congratulations to you for starting to think about and question your wounds. There are therapists, support groups, people here, books, etc. that can help you start to sort out and find peace with your upbringing. It can be very hard to face the things you've buried, but enormously worth the healing it can bring.

lillamy

Absolutely.

My children's therapist said that a lot of people don't realize how abused they were as children until they either have children of their own or people around them start having children.

I worked with a woman whose alcoholic father beat their mother to death in front of her and her two siblings. One of the siblings became an alcoholic, the other a drug addict. The woman I knew was the only one who "survived" -- and she credited that to being diagnosed as "mentally ill" and getting the help they all needed but that her siblings didn't realize they needed

So maybe your mental health issues are a sign that you are pretty healthy -- because you're reacting to an old pebble laying in your emotional shoes rubbing and rubbing and causing a wound?

fluffyflea

The first five years of our lives are when we are the most impressionable and we are formed in our brains. Then we don,t acquire logic until we are twelve.

We are affected by any kind of abuse which can manifest it self in various ways. BUT the good news is we can change things if we see a problem in our lives from it.

NYCDoglvr

Yes, absolutely. My mother said terrible things to me as a child and I still deal with those things in therapy. Children believe everything is their fault and believe their parents. We must "unlearn" those things. Therapy and Alanon can be a very big help.

NWGRITS

Without a doubt, yes. My abuse came at the hands of my alcoholic mother. I always knew I had problems, but the extent of them wasn't revealed until I had my own children. I threw myself into therapy and Al-Anon in a desperate attempt to undo the damage. I still have a long way to go, but I'm doing worlds better than my sister, who is 10 years older than me and is oblivious to her own issues.

foolsgold66

Sure. I think so, at least. Neither of my parents were alcoholics, but to be kind I'll just say they were the opposite of supportive. That affects aspects of my personality and the way I act to this day. Less so as I grow older, but I can see it in myself, as can my wife from what I've told her.

I'm 47, and I still have to **consciously** push away some of the crappy thoughts and attitudes that came from listening to their shite talk every day.

Johnston

In my case, yes, definitely. I was verbally abused by my drunkard father. I still have self esteem issues to this day, 4 decades later. I have to admit AA helped me with the forgiveness part early in. I think the steps are great in that way although I consider myself agnostic now.

Tamerua

Yes. Actually I have someone I'm dealing with at work who is verbally abusive and it triggers a lot for me.

jade123

Unfortunately I think it's possible that parental abuse/neglect is something we experience not just at the time it's being doled out, but many times down the road in our lives in many different ways. My father's alcoholism, emotional abuse and anger issues have affected me in many ways. It screwed me up in childhood. It screwed me up later when everyone else started dating, it screwed me up again later on when my friends and sister were having children. The reason I say this is because it's been something I reflect on when I used to wonder why I seemed so different than other people; why it seemed so easy for them to make friends, achieve goals, maintain relationships and start families. I have fears and insecurities and self-esteem issues that will never go away and they stem in part from my father's behavior.